I consider myself to be a cautiously aggressive driver.
Yes, I see the irony.
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I’ve been known to be a wee bit determined behind the wheel, although I’d like to think I’m not a total idiot either, except the one time I got into a shouting match with another woman in downtown Cleveland, who just so happened to be four times my size. I didn’t back down either, even though the poor innocent Hubby was sitting defenseless in the passenger seat while she and I hurled insults, and other gestures of the solo finger variety, at one another through his window. He was the sweet filling between two overheated Oreo cookies. Needless to say, although I will anyway, that was not my smartest, nor my finest moment.
I still remember the days of my youth, when I first learned how to operate a motor vehicle. I have fond memories of me behind the wheel, a daredevil in disguise, and my father screaming, “The brake!! The brake!! The brake is your friend.” I also remember doing a lot of parking lot driving after that incident. In my defense, I hit nothing, and I’m sure this was the first sign of my, shall we say, ‘enthusiastic’ driving career; a promise of things to come.
Suffice to say, I’ve come a long way since then, although if you’ve been fortunate enough to be chauffeured in my car, you’ve probably heard me muttering something along the lines of, “and what does this guy think he’s doing?” “Really? You cut me off, only to slow down,” or simply “You’re breaking the rules” with a shake of my head and a grunt of frustration.
As a result of decades of random ramblings behind the wheel, the Hubby has requested I write a book entitled Meghan’s Rules of the Road, where I share my driving pearls of wisdom. I opted to pen a blog post instead. These are the unwritten rules, until now that is, and the common courtesies we should all be aware of when we take to the streets. Follow these and the world becomes a better place, or at least our roadways do.
MEGHAN’S TOP TEN RULES OF THE ROAD
1) Don’t get into a shouting match with someone four times your size. In fact, don’t get into a shouting match with anyone, well unless they’re smaller than you. It’s not worth your time or energy.
2) Turn signals are there for a reason. You should use them, if only to spare the rest of us from trying to read your mind. I would rather save my super powers for cooler shit than trying to decipher if you’re going to be making a left or right out of the parking lot. Also, don’t be pissed when I go around you because you haven’t given the proper indication.
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3) Shaking your fist is an acceptable way to express your anger. So is giving someone, “The Look.” You know the look of which I speak.
4) Please drive the legal speed limit, although my preference would actually be five miles over. Driving 50 miles an hour in a 65 mile per hour zone is downright dangerous.
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5) Let’s talk tailgating. It’s hazardous, although sometimes necessary and comes with a rule list all its own.
- Tailgating should be kept to a minimum.
- Acceptable tailgating is to come up close behind someone for the briefest of moments, just to say “Hi, I’m here. Please get over or speed up now. Thanks, I appreciate it.”
- It’s never okay to tailgate someone if they are not the source of the problem. In fact, if you do this to me, I will shake my fist and give you The Look.
- Now if you are behind the driver impeding the flow of traffic, you do have a moral obligation to gently prod them along.
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6) Do not eat and drive. Do not text and drive. Do not drink alcoholic beverages and drive. Do not put on makeup or shave your face and drive. You think these things would be obvious, and yet I have to mention them.
7) Stop picking your nose. I can see you.
8) If you cut me off, you better accelerate.
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9) This one is a biggie. The passing lane is to be used for…wait for it….PASSING; yes, an actual car, truck, another vehicle, or even a buggy. The point is, we pass in the passing lane. We don’t drive neck and neck with the guy on our right for four miles. Basically, shit or get off the pot.
10) Since we’re on the subject, if you happen be cruising along in the passing lane, belting out β« “Life is a Highway, I want to ride it all night long,”β« (I get it, it’s a great driving song), and someone driving faster than you approaches, you have two options:
- Get over immediately, allowing them to pass, at which point you can head back into the ‘fast’ lane and resume passing at the speed to which you’re comfortable, or
- Accelerate. Yes, speed up, pass the cars you’d like to pass, and then get over.
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Here’s the thing: The concept of a passing lane is to keep the flow of traffic moving, regardless of your own personal opinion on the correct speed. Once you accept other people have different ideas on the same subject, you no longer force everyone to conform to yours.
Tolerating other people’s beliefs, especially when they’re different from your own, will make the roads a better place. At which point, we can all belt out together: β« “Life is a Highway, I want to ride it all night long. If you’re going my way, I want to drive it all night long.”β« See, now doesn’t that sound special?
Happy Thanksgiving. Drive safe out there.
meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles says
Ha. Thanks for the laugh. Happy T Day…Btw, they installed red light cameras all over the place here plus cameras in school zones. Everyone is now coasting through the roads near schools to avoid the ticket if you go over 25 mph and everyone stops short to avoid the red light ticket. It’s a disaster lol.
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Meghan says
I would probably go nuts over all that.
Glad you got a kick out of the post. It was a fun one to write.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Tara @ Rovin' Rambler says
Your rules of the road are particularly timely, given that I am not only driving to Long Island this evening, but am moving there as well- and nothing drives me to road rage more than Long Island traffic and people from Long Island.
But I digress! Having 2 Thanksgivings in one day makes it totally worth it. Have a good one!
PS- I made these killer sour cream and chive mashed potatoes last night for today’s 1st dinner and thought of you. Cannot wait to sample them!
Meghan says
I hope you made it safe and sound and without any lingering road rage effects.
Sour cream and chive mashed potatoes….mmm, drooling. I want some.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Brittany says
I would love to ride in the car with you. I’m guilty of tailgating, but only at the “acceptable” times. I’m also guilty of not using my blinker, oops.
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Meghan says
We need to work on this blinker thing.
I’ve actually gotten a lot more tame in my later years, although muttering still happens. Same with fist shaking. You do need to ride in a car with me. We need to make a Cleveland trip happen already. Besides I need somebody to kick my ass and make me run again. You’d be perfect for the job.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Jessica says
This killed me. I am a huge commuter so I totally get this.
The tail gating meme, I think that will be my new computer background.
My favourite way to deal with rude drivers? Do a slow clap and smile. (I am jerk :P)
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Meghan says
I love the slow clap and smile bit. I’m so stealing this.
Amanda @ .running with spoons. says
You, my dear, are a breath of fresh air. I like to consider myself a calm and levelheaded individual, but I completely lose my cool behind the wheel, and it all has to do with how dang inconsiderate people can be. I’m definitely not a defensive driver, and I have no problem with those who are… aaaaaaaas long as they don’t get in my way π And it never fails — no matter how much time I have, I’m suddenly -always- in a hurry as soon as I start driving. Oops.
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Meghan says
I like being a breath of fresh air. That’s a lovely compliment. Keep ’em coming. π
When I’m in a hurry, I hit every single red light, get caught in a funeral procession and or stuck waiting for a train. It never fails.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Liz @ I Heart Vegetables says
Hahahah oh my gosh I can totally relate. I’d like to think I’m a fairly patient person, but get me behind the wheel and I transform haha.
Meghan says
I think we all transform behind the wheel a little bit. Sometimes for the better and sometimes…yeah, not so much, especially when screaming matches come out of it. Oops. It was only the one time.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Christina @ The Athletarian says
Okay – yes to all of this.
Texting and driving is actually against the law here now. You can’t even have your phone in your hand. I was using MapQuest on my way home from a job interview once, got pulled over and was ticketed. I wasn’t even looking at the phone – just listening to the dang woman speak. Anyway, I’m all about enforcing it because it is so, SO dangerous. I was driving behind an idiot last week whose head was completely down while he was texting and he drifted into on coming traffic. What could be THAT important that you NEED to text right now? And if it is that important, pull over.
Okay I’m done.
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Meghan says
This makes me nuts too, especially because it’s so damn dangerous for not only the driver, but everyone around that driver. If you really need to text someone, pull over to the side of the road.
Meghan recently posted…Top Ten Rules of The Road
Fran@BCDC says
Driving makes me crazy…I almost hate to do it anymore. But I do! As long as there’s no construction, or rain, or snow or zombie attacks, or…
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Meghan says
It’s the zombie attacks you really gotta watch out for, Fran. π
Meghan recently posted…Public Banana
Toni says
Argh other drivers are the bane of my life! My friends always laugh at my road rage and I dont realise I’m shouting until they start laughing. People not indicating is getting worse, I swear. We’re all psychic apparently! Ha, I’m not even in the car yet and I’m getting wound up.
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Meghan says
I’m so sorry I got your road rage in full gear without even being in a car. Oops. If it makes you feel better, I honked at someone today because they didn’t use their turn signal. I need to start carrying signs. π
Meghan recently posted…Public Banana