I don’t like to kiss and tell.
Alright that’s total baloney, not to be confused with the meat product of my youth; fried too, if I had my druthers. I have no qualms discussing mad monkey loving on the Internet, much to my poor parents chagrin. It’s healthy guys. I am in a committed relationship. It’s not like I’m banging some random dude down the street. Granted I don’t know my neighbors all that well, but you get the idea.
Yeah so apparently I kiss and then I tell, or not kiss as the case may be. For example, last night the Hubby wanted relations. I wanted chocolate and peanut butter. It happens.
Oh by the way, the Hubby is home, mostly for good.
And the crowd goes wild, or maybe that’s just me and my tatas.
Long time readers know the Hubby and I have been estranged on and off for the past couple of years, while he earns a Pharmacy degree in a different state. While he’s still technically in school, he’s gearing up for onsite rotations in Cleveland, which is music to my ears and better yet, my loins. We women have needs, which sometimes involves chocolate and peanut butter.
In a similar vein, I thought I’d share a whole host of Awkward Confessions today because the above simply isn’t enough. I’ll also toss in a few normal ones too for the sake of decency. Plus my parents are reading. Hi guys, love you.
And away we go.
- I had no idea my self-imposed blogging break would last a month. I figured I’d be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. I was wrong. I regret nothing. If anything, I highly recommend a month long hiatus.
- While I was away, I shaved my head. Technically, my hair dresser was the one wielding the clippers. Either way, I have no hair or very little anyway. It feels like freedom.
- I’ve been using coconut oil on what’s left of my hair to keep my mini alfafa sprouts in check. I feel like a bowl of greasy popcorn with too much butter. Hmm that doesn’t sound too bad actually.
- There is a bubble gum pop girl trapped inside me. I love the songs Honey I’m Good and Cheerleader. I don’t want to like them, I resisted as long as possible, but the attraction is undeniable.
- Despite my penchant for pop music, I consider myself a bit of a thug. #poundschest
- I signed up for a running race at the end of this month. A sweet and simple 5K, and I’m looking forward to it.
- I’m also looking forward to a visit from my girl Brittany next month. We video chat on the regular, and I suspect a sassy saunter with sneakers will be in the cards for us.
- Speaking of running, I tuck paper towels into the bottom of my sports bra when I work out. My girls get extra steamy in the summer, so sweat absorption is the name of the game. Wicks away sweat shirts and bras, my non-ass ass. Bounty is where it’s at.
(Back when I had long and flowing locks. The sweat is the same though.)
(Oscar likes to lay on my sweaty head, post run. He heard it was good luck).
- I didn’t wear one of my favorite summer dresses for two years because that’s how long it took me to iron it. Next time, she’s going to the dry cleaners.
- It took me an equally long time to sew the insidious tears in our feather bed. Every time I changed the sheets, it was a feather explosion, which might be kind of fun and kinky if I were a chicken. Alas, I’m not poultry, nor very good at dealing with domestic matters. Ironing and sewing are not my forte.
- I’m singing “Honey I’m Good” out loud right now; happily. There might be some dance moves involved too.
- Sometimes I play the air guitar and even the drums if I’m feeling particularly ornery. Since I have no real clue how to play either, I suspect it looks more like I’m twitching my fingers spastically. ‘Eh screw it, it’s all about the commitment and I’m invested.
- I’m still eating my bananas in public; occasionally on a beach.
- I brush my teeth hard enough I could pick my toothbrush out of a line up. My poor bristles; they look like they had a date with an angry badger.
- My tongue could give Alice Cooper a run for his money. I am a woman of many talents.
- Also, I take way too many selfies, as evidenced by this post. And on that note….
Your turn. Share some awkward confessions with me? Also, how many selfies do you take in a typical week? Give me a guesstimate. I need your help settling a selfie debate with the Hubby. Your feedback on this topic is hugely important.
Kirsten says
My son (you know, you hang w/ him on occasion) told me this morning that we needed the “obligatory first day of school group selfie” so I have already taken a selfie today, of the kids and I. It’s a rare thing for me, though.
Perhaps more for he spouse while he’s off gallivanting.
Kirsten recently posted…Spicy Corn and Sweet Potato Chowder
Meghan says
So starts your selfie obsession. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Pip {Cherries & Chisme} says
My awkward moment is when I’m showing someone else a picture on my phone and then the selfies pop up… Last week was pretty epic, I trialled out a nose ring instead of my normal stud and had taken a collection of snaps to confirm to myself (and my best friend) whether or not I looked like a farm animal… There was a rather large variety of angles…
(I ended up wearing the ring and totally felt edgy all day… it may be making another appearance soon…)
Pip {Cherries & Chisme} recently posted…Why I’ll always be an emotional eater
Meghan says
Oh my god, that’s hysterical. I love it. Great awkward confession.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
tiff @ love, sweat, & beers says
No such thing as too many selfies. 😉 You seem to be in good spirits, and that puts me in good spirits. Cheers to that! And way to go with the hair. I don’t have the confidence to cut mine. Maybe one day… 🙂
tiff @ love, sweat, & beers recently posted…36 Weeks: Uncharted Waters
Meghan says
Here’s to good spirits all around.
As for the hair, I say go for it. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Suzy says
Omg Meghan I could go on and on all day with my awkward confessions. I know this trick on how to fart without sound. If we have people over or if I’m at a party or otherwise need to be stealth, I’ll walk into another room (or the bathroom or something) and when I’m farting, I pull out one bum cheek a bit and the toot comes out silently. It’s BRILLIANT. And then I hustle away, stat. You’ll think I’m gross but then one day you’ll find yourself in a desperate situation and you’ll try it, and then thank me.
Suzy recently posted…Even If I’m Not
Meghan says
You crack me up. I’m going to have to try this. Great tip.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Danielle says
I love playing air guitar and air drums, I even play air piano and keyboard. We can start a band! I seriously get down when I’m in the musical trance and feeling the beats. This seems to happen during road trips as my husband drives and I get to play spin master and dj. I love rocking out on road trips, I’ll even get my head bangin or my shoulders twirkin if it’s rap. I love it all. I play amazing air drums…
So if that wasn’t awkward then I always have a bag of daily awkward moments just for darlings like you. Since I’m going through oral surgeries I have to wear basically a denture. It’s sexy. And now I actually have the conversation with my husband,” honey don’t throw that away, my teeth are in there!” I tell you, a man that can love me now will love me forever after I get some chompers. Not that I’ll be chomping him but you get my drift.
awkward confession 2, I was running in these black spandex shorts and this girl told me I was bubbling in my butt. WHAT???? It turns out I had not rinsed them out enough so I started to foam and suds myself as I sweat. I was so embarrarred but intrigued at once. Too bad we can’t actually self clean as we sweat! Now I’m bubble butt among that group. It’s humbling.
Congrats on your hubby being at home, and your happy tatas. I can’t say I would not choose peanut butter either, it happens. Not infrequently. 🙂
Danielle recently posted…Milk Tea & PoPo
Meghan says
We can be a part of Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas.
It’s not nearly as bad as your oral surgery, but if it helps, I wear retainers at night.
I think the bubble butt story is fantastic. At least you were clean. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Kate says
A selfie a day? Mostly to make sure I still look good 😉
I bet it feels like the end of a really long marathon having your hubby be permanently there! Long distance is for the birds, I know!
Kate recently posted…Simple Salmon Salad
Meghan says
Yes, long distance is definitely tough. I’m thrilled to have him back in my clutches full time.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Liz says
You are too adorable. I heart your selfies.
Meghan says
I puffy heart you too.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Tara says
So glad you’re back in the blogosphere! I awkwardly confess that I was uber excited for your return. Also happy to hear that the Hubby is back in your monkey-love-loving arms for the duration.
I also confess that it is my second-to-last day of vacation and I took a chunk of time out of my afternoon for a nap and a beer whilst blog reading in bed. A smart move, indeed.
Meghan says
I’m thrilled to be back and living vicariously through your vacation pictures. I wish it would never end. I bet you feel the same.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Niki @Life With Niki says
I also confess to eating much almond butter with chocolate chips by the spoonful, enjoying the ‘cheesy’ popular songs of this generation, and embarrassingly lip singing them while I am in public restrooms, only to find out that people DO look at you when you come out of the stall, and that moving your lips with intense facial expressions with headphones plugged in may be a weird sight to behold for someone coming out of the restroom ;).
Niki @Life With Niki recently posted…My Biggest Insecurity… (Possibly Becoming A Doctor)
Meghan says
Well at least you’re only lip synching…. You are only lip synching right? 🙂
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Carly @ Snack Therapy says
Long distance relationships suck. Partly because you don’t get to spend time with the person you love, but mostly because NO MAD MONKEY LOVING :(. Ugh.
Also I’m stealing your paper towels in the boob trick. I once got a heat rash on my boobs from sweating in a sports bra. Then it got infected. Sexxxy.
Carly @ Snack Therapy recently posted…Living Alone: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Meghan says
So not sexy….go get yourself a roll of Bounty. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Kristy @ She Eats says
First of all, stop brushing your teeth so hard! The dentist told me once that you only get one set of gums and by vigorously brushing them you actually cause them to recede. Once they hit a certain point, they won’t grow back and they’ll continue to recede, giving you long scary vampire teeth and ridiculous sensitivity. Gentle, angled strokes (down on top, up on bottom), 6 to each section of teeth. Front and then back, top and then bottom.
Second of all, I don’t take nearly as many selfies as I should. My little monkey arms are too little and I have trouble getting the camera high enough or far enough away. Any ideas how to make them longer? (I will NOT buy a selfie stick.)
PS. I love your selfies. The cat one just made me cackle out loud in the coffee shop. Keep em coming.
Kristy @ She Eats recently posted…Sauteed Calamari with Smokey, Spanish Romesco Sauce
Meghan says
I had gum surgery several years back for this very issue. I can’t help it though. I’m obsessive about brushing vigorously.
Try taking selfies with your feet instead. Or more practically, use the timer feature on your iPhone.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
caren says
there’s nothing wrong with taking a little time off in the summer. HOpe you enjoyed yourself and I’ve got buzz cut envy right now!!
xo
Meghan says
You should do it. Cut it all off. It’s incredibly freeing.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Lucie@FitSwissChick says
You know that awkward is my last name, so no surprises here, but, oh DEAR am i happy to have you back – I just shed again laughing tears and you can tell the hubby that selfies are the new black. It’s self-love, it’s commitment, it’s sharing happiness, it’s public-banana-important and well, imagine we could not exhcange selfies on a Sunday while we both do what we love. How was the world before the selfies? I don’t want to know. You can also tell him that Selfie-Slo-Mo-Videos are thebomb.com.
Lucie@FitSwissChick recently posted…Live NOW – not then.
Meghan says
Selfie slow-mo-videos….OH MY GOD, YOU’RE A GENIUS. I need to do this.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Michele @ paleorunningmomma says
Your confessions are awesome. There’s a bubblegum pop girl hiding behind my not-so-sweet typical sarcasm and I’m also a huge advocate of public bananas. I actually don’t take enough selfies but way too many food picture 🙂
Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…NYC Marathon Training Week 5 Recap
Meghan says
I want to see a public banana selfie of you. Pretty please, it will make my day!
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Brittany says
I may be inspired to shave my head when I visit. I do think about it often. Hair is just too annoying. You rock it well my friend. I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL NEXT MONTHS ADVENTURES!
Brittany recently posted…Portland – The Land of Good Coffee and Cat Pillows
Meghan says
We can get your head shaved. Maybe we’ll toss in a few tattoos too right after we do our hard cider tasting . WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BLAST! 😉
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Arman @ thebigmansworld says
You could not be any more epic, could you? Can I get a hair cut from your hairdresser when I come? I have a weave, minus the reality aspect. I mean, add the reality aspect.
Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Tiramisu Roasted Almonds
Meghan says
You would love my hair dresser. She’d hook you up.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says
“It’s healthy guys. I am in a committed relationship. It’s not like I’m banging some random dude down the street.” – I seriously laughed so hard at this! Sadly I was also taking a mouthful of water at the time… Yeah it went everywhere… So worth it for a giggle session though! Haha!
So glad to hear that hubby is home. As I have said before, I don’t know how you did it. I have had the past 2 weeks with David everyday, it has been so nice! Now he has started his new job I am on my own again… But in a new city… Taking some getting used to that’s for sure!
And I always forget to take selfies! Take pics of everyone else and when I look at my photos I always realise that I’m not in any of them!
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Australia Survey Style!
Meghan says
You need more selfies in your life and of course laughing so hard you spit water all over incidents. Hopefully I can make more of the latter happen.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles says
Ha, that would be me – hungry for the peanut butter and chocolate chips. And there’s no distracting me from that craving!
meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles recently posted…WIAW- Long Run Day Eats
Meghan says
Peanut butter and chocolate is a great craving to satisfy.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The Double Day Edition
Chris says
My awkward confession is I haven’t blogged in a while, I think I’m ready to write again, and I have absolutely no idea where to start. I think I take 0.5 selfies a week, so it would take me a while to build up enough for a post like this. Our hair is roughly the same length.
Meghan says
It makes me happy to see your face in my comments section again. I’m thrilled to hear you might be ready to blog again. I say write what you know, even if it’s just “Hey Guys, I’m not sure what to say or where to start…”
Our hair might be the same length, but I bet I have more greys, which is really not a win for me. 🙂
Melissa @ Mango About Town says
Love the new hair!! Awkward confession minus the selfie: I haven’t had a hair cut since MARCH. oy. I probably take about 4-5 selfies a week but most of them go to SnapChat where they (hopefully) disappear in 20 seconds or less.
Melissa @ Mango About Town recently posted…Tackling Our CSA: Week 7
Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut says
I wish I could pull off a shaved head or even super short hair!!
Love reading confessions posts and love writing them! It helps get things off my chest. Speaking of which that paper towel thing sounds like a great idea. Not that my chest needs them as badly as most haha. I swear I sweat more than the average bear though!!
Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut recently posted…The Truth About Sugary Drinks
Meghan says
You could pull off a shaved head. It’s all about the attitude. You just need some sass and you’ll be fine.
The paper towels help me prevent chaffing so I’m sticking with ’em.
Meghan recently posted…WIAW: The What I See Edition