This morning the tiny dictator and I embarked on a new adventure, one not necessarily of my own choosing. It was an unusual episode and to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the entire thing; I’m still processing it, and I thought what better way to mentally unravel this mess than by blasting it all over the internet. Why shouldn’t my nipples be fodder for the folks at home?
This is a rhetorical question.
A little background: Ave and I are still breastfeeding, and yes, she’s 19 months old. I know, I know it’s scandalous and damn near indecent, according to others…not me though, and I suspect one day we will grace the cover of Time or set a Guinness World Record. Since tiny tots were never on my radar, this is the universe’s way of paying me back. At least I’ll get my 15 minutes of fame, or my breasts will anyway, without involving porn.
At this point, I’m fairly certain I will be go to the grave with Ave firmly attached to my left teat (the right one’s an under performer). My funeral will have to be closed casket because my friends and family will be opposed to a small human latched onto my breasts, suckling away. They’ll have to leave a small breathing hole in the coffin for Ave though, so she can get her last fix before popping out and charming the audience with her milk mustache and shiny silver shoes. People love her footwear, an accomplishment that makes me proud.
Needless to say, Ave is a dedicated nurser.
On this particular occasion, we were engaging in our normal breastfeeding business, with two fuzzy bunnies, one sheep puppet and her Elmo pillow in tow. It’s not unusual for her to bring all the stuffed animals to the yard, and by yard, I mean breast. This morning though, Ave took it one step further. She casually picked up her stuffed duck, and very specifically brought its giant orange bill right up to my nipple, made slurping noises and then proceeded to say, “Mmm, duck’s milk. Good”
I was so stunned by this sudden turn of events, I did nothing. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I can imagine some pretty weird shit (see paragraphs above), and yet this particular scenario never even crossed my mind.
Is this even acceptable? I don’t know.
Perhaps I should feel honored to be the first person to participate in inter-species nursing. Or maybe I should be offended she’s willing to share mom’s milk when she won’t share the vast majority of her toys. Heaven forbid, you touch one of her toys in front of her. On the other hand, I guess I should be pleased she’s starting to share at all, considering she’s spent many an hour stalking other kids at the playground, deliberately following them from swing to slide all while yelling, “No,” because they had the audacity to engage in shenanigans on public property.
To be honest, I have no idea how I feel about nursing barnyard animals, even of the stuffed variety. As a mother, my heart says, “Fine, what’s another indignity at this point?,” while my breasts say, “No, and my brain says “you’ve just been violated by Howard the Duck.” Thank goodness this movie was before her time. Clearly, I don’t need her getting any further ideas.
Have you ever nursed another species? No, just me. Is it hot in here? Do you feel suddenly awkward?
Liz says
Adventures in breast feeding!!
Meghan says
And to think I just wanted to go a year. Ha!
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
Grandma Lala says
Tots just do weird stuff. I ignored what I didn’t want to believe I just saw and went wild over the things I wanted to be on display in front of others! Then asked the gods to pleases, please, keep certain things at home. My nursing 18 month old son once picked up his stuffed Sesame Street Grover in the cart at the grocery, pulled up his shirt, tried to nurse it, then cried because there was no milk! We never let Grover out of the car again.
He weened himself when he was two and stopped waking up in the night. Somehow getting better sleep changed his perspective on the whole situation. I helped a bit by putting him off and saying L just wait a few minutes, I am busy now., and then, no, not yet, in a minute, play with the truck. ” Eventually it was nap time and we had skipped those extra little ‘habit snaks’.
Meghan says
Ah yes, that Grover story made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
danielle says
i second that totts do weird stuff! lulu has a fixation with putting covers back onto things. like OCD about it. she also likes to take my toilet tissue, that i’m about to wipe my butt with, and pretend to wipe her butt, then gives it back to me. sometimes she just holds on to it and won’t let me wipe my butt. we can have this elaborate game of grab the toilet paper from lulu until i just say ok next, and quickly wrangle us to the sink to do her next favorite activity, play with water. yep totts and their new little worlds. world according to totts. total weirdness and awesomeness.
Meghan says
Weirdness and awesomeness….the perfect description. Or madness and overwhelming love. They like to take us to extremes.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says
I don’t even know what to say to this… maybe it means she’s super smart that she understands the duck needs to eat too.
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Meghan says
I’m going to pretend it means she’s empathetic or already practicing her food blogger ways. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
Toni Durr says
The best one ever! Totally cracked me up! Then I thought of those cans of “kitten milk” at the pet store, that say, “not from cats” cuz, you know, apparently, I wasn’t the only one who wondered how….
Meghan says
I love, love, LOVE first time comments from long time readers. Thank you!!
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
Lindsay says
Well now I have Howard the duck in my head. And this scenario .ill leave it at that.
OK my honest thoughts? I’m really glad that you’re still breast-feeding. I think it’s very very healthy. That being said, I’m not a mother. But I know you will do what you think is best. I go take some time to process it all. Right?
Meghan says
Breastfeeding is really healthy and most countries recommend two years so I have no qualms about still nursing. It’s the rest of society that needs to catch up.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Food, Frolicking and Felines (#108)
Grandma Lala says
Haha! I forgot! What Lindsay said. It is still healthy, as much as you’d really love to have your body back! To be honest, I was a never a lifetime nurser/cozy/lover/ lalala….of the whole process! Sorry lalache leaguers, no offense, in fact I was often envious of those missing feelings. Only one of my four nursed easily and for the other three it was a fight to get through 9 months. But that third one hung on like a duck on June bug….pun intended!
But, it’s still healthy and I wouldn’t worry. And kids just do weird things trying to understand how stuff works, and also because they like to how we react!
Meghan says
Kids definitely do the strangest things working stuff out. It’s good for lots of laughs.
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Alyssa says
I wouldn’t mind nursing my 8 month old until he’s 2 years if he wants to, but I already get weird looks for nursing him when we’re out and he isn’t even a year old (I want to yell “AAP recommended!!” when this happens). So I guess just be happy it was at home 🙂 until she brings a duck in from the pond for milk while at the park…
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Meghan says
I say keep nursing in public and to hell with the haters. I actually nursed Ave on a carousel over the summer. If she’s hungry, scared or whatever, I’m gonna feed and comfort her.
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meredith @ cookie chrunicles says
this was not what I was expecting when I saw the title of the post lol. I think she loves her stuffed animals and was playing make believe with them, could it be that simple? lol. I was concerned I may never stop nursing but we gradually just weaned down naturally and the one before bedtime became last and then I just knew when it was our last feeding and I put him down the next night without it. that was at 16 months but everyone is different and it’s ok.
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Meghan says
My goal is for her to self wean, which should happen in the next few months. I don’t want to take it away, although I will suggest other activities to distract her.
And you’re right. She’s become obsessed with her stuffed animals so it’s that simple. Yesterday she had her duck drink from her water bottle and her lady bug took a turn at nursing. 🙂
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Chelsea A says
It sucks that breastfeeding past like 6 months is considered shocking. But then it also sucks that some people can be too pushy about breastfeeding. It’s such a personal choice and it’s completely up to the mom to decide. Other people need to mind their own business!
Also LOL at this story. Thanks for the laugh.
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Meghan says
You are most welcome. I thought it was pretty funny myself.
At the end of the day, fed is best when it comes to babies, no matter how you go about doing it.
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Juli@1000lovelythings says
First I think as long as you and she feel comfortable nursing it’s the best you can do. And people will judge anyway no matter what. So you can as well make that your 15 min 😉
I am not a mum but I think it’s a sign of empathy. Probably she was hungry and thought her duck might be hungry as well. And as you have for sure shown her that giving food to hungry friends is what you do she might have just followed your lead there.
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Meghan says
I’m going with the empathy explanation. Now if only she would be better about sharing her toys with her friends. 🙂
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Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says
My thoughts… You do you. Whatever is best for you and Ave is all that matters in my book. Breastfeeding is so individual, my opinion simply isn’t valid… Even if I had one… Which I don’t! Ha!
Bless her for wanting to share with her ducky though… Even if you had no say in the matter! 🙂
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Meghan says
Last night, her stuffed lady bug got a turn at the breast too. 🙂
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