People talk about the joys of parenting all the time.
“It’s a love you’ve never known before,” “it’s the most rewarding thing you could ever do,” or “blah, blah, blah.” That last one was all me in case you were wondering.
They also talk about the horror stories, the sleepless nights, and the diaper blowouts (guilty as charged). I could do without hearing, “it only gets worse,” for the trillionth time, regardless of whether it’s true or not.
The fact of the matter is these are known things about raising tiny humans; the most obvious and overdone. To regurgitate them again would make Ground Hog Day look like a linear movie, which is why I’m not going to do it. Instead, I want to share the little things, the odd ball moments, the slight nuances only parents of tiny dictators will understand, and for shits and giggles, I’m gonna do it Jeff Foxyworthy style.
You Might Be A Parent If…
You’re counting down the minutes until bedtime, and it’s only 9:30 in the morning.
You spend too many hours googling what sound a giraffe makes and still have no idea.
You have an imprint of a toy in your foot and a string of expletives that’d make a sailor blush for when you accidentally step on said toy.
Dining alfresco equals less clean up.
You Might Be A Parent If…
You long for a free moment and when you finally get one, you spend half of it looking at pictures of your kid(s)…on the toilet because when else are you gonna poop in peace.
You say the phrase, “this is why we can’t have nice things,” multiple times per day.
You celebrate store sales with your partner, fist bumping over discounts on diapers and baby wipes.
You have to share your food. Either that or stuff it in your mouth when the babe isn’t looking, and they’re always looking.
You Might Be A Parent If…
Finding random half chewed snacks stashed in various places around the house isn’t unusual, and it’s usually the edible you didn’t want to share.
Shower beers take on a whole new appeal.
You willingly stick your fingers in another person’s nose.
Public sniff checks…of your child’s butt is totally normal and completely legal.
You Might Be A Parent If…
There are hand prints on all surfaces in your home two feet and under.
You don’t know what it feels like to be anything other than exhausted.
Coffee is your new best friend.
Bath time is no longer relaxing, although it still involves wine.
You Might Be A Parent If…
You talk about fecal matter daily and in-depth.
Getting up at 7 in the morning is considered sleeping in.
Your body becomes a jungle gym, with a child climbing, snuggling, pulling, prying, or poking you regularly.
You think sticky fingers are the devils handiwork.
Last but not least, you might be a parent if you struggle to keep a straight face when your kid does something adorably wrong, such as chucking their half chewed sandwich across the room while laughing wildly.
What did I miss?
I think you’ve covered it all! And adoringly, laughingly, sweetly and with a musing that Jeff Foxworthy couldn’t touch.
Why thank you my dear. Your comment and compliment is much appreciated. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
Well deserved! I don’t hand them out Willy-Nilly.
Blows kiss.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
oh yeah! right on.
and ‘going shopping’ has a whole new meaning.
why don’t we go out tonight is parent code for i don’t feel like cleaning up the kitchen and don’t want you to either.
waking up a napping baby is grounds for some whoop ass. you wake her, you take her. LOL i jest… but you will pay. <3
And when the spouse comes home with dinner….the heavens open, the angels rejoice and a miracle occurs.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
The toilet throne is an excellent place for peace and quiet. Even when you aren’t a parent…..
And now I’m also googling what sound a giraffe makes. What the heck…?
Cora recently posted…Week In Review: Getting Out Of The Mess
I know right. I still don’t know what giraffes sounds like.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
What sound does a giraffe make? Do they even talk?!?
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Life after macro counting… 6 months on #5TTT
I don’t know what sound a giraffe makes or a hippo for that matter either. There are tons of animal noises that have me stumped.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
This post was the highlight of my day 😀
Your body becomes a jungle gym, with a child climbing, snuggling, pulling, prying, or poking you regularly -> this happens to aunts as well ;-P and in my case I am a playground for 5 of them. Can’t pretend that I don’t love it though.
Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Week in Review – Things that didn’t suck last week
I swear she almost broke my nose the other day, and then she snuggled up under my arm and I forgave her instantly. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
All true! And it doesn’t get worse. I survived in the belief that each day would be a little easier than the one before; my children would be one day older and more self-sufficient and I would be one day wiser.
I’m not sure about the wiser bit, but I know whatever happens, we’ll get through it. She’ll eventually fall asleep. stop crying or whatever tragedy is happening. Basically, they no longer seem like tragedies and more like hurdles with lots of fun shenanigans mixed in between.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
This is great! Definitely wine at bath time! I actually look forward to bath time now (Callum’s) because he’s independent enough where I don’t have to be hunched over him while he’s in there. I set up a huge comfy chair in there, actually (I tuck it into the corner and it folds for when we’re not using it) and that’s where I do laptop work, drink wine (I now drink wine in travel mugs to avoid spills) check Instagram, return texts, etc while he plays in the tub! I should do a life hack post on parenting. Oooooh good idea.
Suzy recently posted…A Pregnant Pause
I absolutely want to read that post, with your special spin on it of course.
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
7 am was totally sleeping in! heck, 6 am was considered sleeping in for us! I used to have the book moo baa lalala on repeat all night every night. that’s what comes to mind from this post first for me – having the kid songs and books on repeat in my head long after my son would go to sleep. oh! and finding myself watching calliou or another nick jr show even without my son around lol
You are so right! I have more kids books and songs stuck in my head than I care to admit. I could do her bedtime stories without even cracking the books open. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…You Might Be A Parent If…
I’m not a parent but we still talk about poop daily, in depth. I think we might know too much about each other…
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…Eating and Exploring in Austin [WIAW]
Do you also pee in front of each other? If so, we might have to break up. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Babies, Blueberries and Blood Sugar (#91)
This is brilliant – but then again: am I even surprised given it was written by you?! The first one would be so true for my poor sister. I’d send her the link to this post but knowing from past experiences, she’d tell me she was going to look at it later when P.’s asleep – and then forget. Is there such a thing as post-natal dementia ;)?
Related to what you said but (from what I’ve noticed): you plan your day around nap times and get anxious when the tiny human sleeps too long or threatens to fall asleep too close to bed time, resulting in the latter getting postponed and so forth.
Miss Polkadot recently posted…Currently … July 2017
There is a thing as post-natal dementia. It’s called Mommy Brain and it’s legit. There is science backing it up now. Also tell your sister she’s not alone. I found a baby of pretzels in the junk drawer last week, and since the drawer is way too tall for Ave, I must have put them there. Oops.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Babies, Blueberries and Blood Sugar (#91)
Obviously, I’m not a parent. I still want to know about the sound of giraffe though.
Luce@FitSwissChick recently posted…‘The mind is everything. What you think, you become.’ – The significance of meditation’s power on your happiness.
I’m still stumped on the giraffe and the same goes for a rhino. ???
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Babies, Blueberries and Blood Sugar (#91)
Even if I am a far cry away from being a parent, some of these are relatable to me right now! Thankfully, have never had to pick someone else’s boogers yet though.
Thanks for letting us see more into your life as a mom.
Kaylee recently posted…Week(End) in Review: Austin Bound
You are most welcome and thank you for reading. I appreciate you.
Meghan recently posted…Simple and Sassy White Bean Tomato Basil Salad Recipe
I’ve been the worst at staying in touch lately but I’m still reading all your posts. This one made me smile… too bad I’m going to miss seeing Ave (and you) this summer! 🙁 Crazy that she’ll be a full blown toddler by next summer!
I know. We need to try to arrange a different meetup time. Have a great time on your vacation this week. I’ll miss you.
Meghan recently posted…Simple and Sassy White Bean Tomato Basil Salad Recipe