Get your pads and pens ready because it’s time for the Week In Review.
The Week In Review is a list, in its purest form, not of the things you still need to do, but of all the things you have done in the last seven days. It’s an achievement list, an ode to yourself, a celebration of sorts, and a virtual pat on the back or smack on the ass. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
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♫ You can do it, put your list into it. ♫
I thought I’d put a unique little twist on my post this week. Instead of our typical recap, I’m sharing life with a newborn, by numbers, because it appeals to my neurotic nature, and I like to keep that guy happy.
Now in the interest of full disclosure, because partial truths and half nudity aren’t my thing, you should know some of the numbers I’m sharing are 100% factual, some are approximations and others are a complete exaggeration; creative license and all. You understand.
Number of babies birthed: 1 (fine, fine, this happened the week prior; just roll with it)
Number of cute little cone heads: 1
Number of mesh panties I took home from the hospital: 25
Number of times my mother mistook those same rocking drawers for a washcloth: 1
Number of ice packs to be inserted into the sassy skivvies: 15. My icepack to underwear ration is lacking.
Number of champagne toasts: 2
Number of kisses bestowed on Ave: 5,234
Number of kisses given to my furry felines, Oscar and Sam: 3,267
Number of kisses shared with the Hubby: 1
Number of murals touched up to include Ave’s name: 1. My sister-in-law has got mad skills.
Number of times I breastfed: one billion times.
Number of times I tube fed because big boobs and tiny mouths don’t always mix: 7
Number of times I formula fed because I was too damn tired to mess with anything else: 2
Number of episodes of Million Dollar Listing watched in the same twenty-four hour period: 6
Number of ounces of breast milk pumped and frozen: 30 ounces
Number of times I worked my iPhone with my nose while double pumping the tatas: 1
Number of bonus points for thinking outside the box: 100,000 plus a cookie.
Number of shirts I leaked through: 95% of them.
Number of breastmilk stains on the bed sheets: 6
Number of times I washed and changed those same sheets: 0
Number of dead birds Oscar has left me since Ave came home: 4
Number of times I changed diapers: 70
Number of times I was peed on while changing said diapers: 7
Number of times I witnessed projectile pooping: 1
Number of times my breasts got so engorged they were rendered useless: 2
Number of times I massaged my melons to loosen them up: countless
Number of times I stuck cabbage leaves in my bra to help with the pain and swelling: 3
Number of middle of the night meltdowns for Ave: 2
Number of meltdowns for me: 5 and counting.
Number of coffee cups poured: 653
Number of half abandoned coffee cups: 653
Number of times I peed while holding a baby: 3
Number of snaps given for extreme multitasking: 2 and toss in a twirl.
Number of mommy baby selfies taken: 3
Number of Ave pictures taken: 3,256
Last but not least, number of people who’ve helped us since Ave was born: an army, most especially our parents and immediate family. From grocery shopping to meal prepping to clothes washing to house cleaning to working in the yard, I cannot thank you guys enough. If I knew this was a way to have someone else clean out my flower beds, I might have had a baby a long time ago. 🙂
It’s your turn. I want to hear from you. Link up and get yo’ list on.
What are three things you accomplished in the last week?