I was not always the physical and mental giant you see before you.
To start, I’m only 5’2, maybe 5’3 if I try to stand up straight, which usually lasts for 6.9 seconds before I’m back to my beloved shoulder slump. For me, maintaining good posture for twelve seconds is harder than a three-minute wall sit with weights, which means I’ll likely be a hunch back by the time I’m forty-five, and then my self-proclaimed vanilla gorilla status will really be fitting. Since we’re on the topic, you should probably know the real reason I call myself a Vanilla Gorilla, aside from my little brother throwing the phrase around like a Popcorn Playa.
In my mind I can do anything, or at least anything I set my sights on. This was certainly not always the case though. Consistent with my fellow primates, I’ve evolved into who I am today, with some significant reconstruction in the last ten years or so. I don’t meant the vanity kind either, unless of course you count those pesky, yet sexy, braces I sported in 2012. Those were hot.
Let me give you an example.
Growing up, I was the pickiest possible eater. My food wasn’t allowed to touch, I couldn’t stomach the texture of most meat, and I ate so incredibly slow, it drove my parents bananas. Most nights dinner took us hours, with me refusing to eat almost everything. It generally ended in a stalemate too since they’re the ones who gifted me with my stubbornness. At one point, they timed how long it took me to eat a single, solitary piece of iceberg lettuce. I’m not sure if their purpose was to validate their suffering or really to give them a reason to mock me later in life. Whatever the case may be, it took me twenty arduous and tortuous minutes to eat that piece of greenery, and somehow I am now a food blogger.
It’s funny how life works out.
The whole point of all my rambling is to say people can and do change. Anyone who says differently is full of baloney and a pile of hogwash, unless of course I’m the one actually saying it, and then I’m sure it applies to that particular situation. What’s important though is knowing you can flip the script on your life, switch things up and make it better. It’s all up to you.
Just in case you weren’t completely convinced though, I’m going to share a few more examples of how Meghan today is drastically different from the me of ten years ago.
1) For starters, I never talked about myself in the third person before. Just kidding, I’m sure that always went on, although I can tell you my confidence is thousand percent stronger now. Being completely comfortable with yourself is a game changer.
2) Veggies…what are those? Iceberg lettuce was the only kind of greens I would touch, and generally because I smothered it in Ranch dressing, cheese and bacon bits, whereas these days I’ve been known to buy lettuce, even with a fridge full, simply because it’s beautiful.
3) I was a pack a day smoker for too many years. It was my stress relief and reward system all rolled into one. Now, I find solace in the form of a kick ass workout, guided imagery (which was a huge help when I quit the final time), or shenanigans.
4) I always thought I need to lose five more pounds, which was total rubbish because I was a teeny tiny little thing. If I could, I would go back and smack myself upside the head, and tell her “to get over it already.”
5) Kraft Macaroni and Cheese was my jam. I loved that salty, powdery, processed mess of a mixture and thought it was, in the words of Bono, ♫ even better than the real thing. ♫ You don’t even want to know about my obsession with Stouffer’s French Bread pizzas. In fact, the majority of my meals in my mid to late twenties came from a box, a can or a bag.
6) And then I really did need to lose five pounds. I blame all the processed garbage and rightly so, I might add. As a result, I hated having my picture taken and dodged the camera at every family function. There’s a big gaping hole in my photo albums during this period.
7) I worked and worked and worked, with no idea how to relax or take time for myself, without feelings of guilt or laziness. I’m a champion relaxer these days.
8) I thought steroids and pesticides were good for my food because they made my produce pretty, plump, and bug free, and I wouldn’t have known what a CSA was if it had bitten me in my non-ass ass.
9) I couldn’t run to save my life and I thought yoga was only for hippies. On second thought, the yoga one might still apply, which appropriately enough makes me a hippie.
10) I was nowhere near as happy, nor as healthy. Heck, healthy wasn’t even on my radar, and I justified my less than savory habits with “You gotta go from something, might as well enjoy it.” At the time, I didn’t even fully realize I wasn’t actually enjoying it.
Suffice to say, I’ve come a long way in my thirty odd years; from a precocious and stubborn little tomboy to a dramatic and sometimes angst ridden teenager. I went away to college, had a blast, drank too much and ate very few things of nutritional substance. I adopted a deficient diet, filled with packaged goods and soda pop, and then I packed on a few pounds along with a side of doubt and a sprinkle of shame, which impacted my health. In my early thirties, I started making small and steady changes, and it’s slowly but surely led me to who I am today: a veggie loving, cheese eating, public banana consuming, fabulously fit, and incredibly self-assured vanilla gorilla. The point is if I can change, I know you can too.
Do you believe people have the power to change? How have you changed. What changes do you still want to make? Also, if there’s any interest in the specific changes I made, let me know and I’ll share those sometime.
Beautiful then, beautiful now. Glad you are a healthy, sassy, cheese-loving, non-smoking, yoga hippie! <3
Michelle recently posted…Recipe Wednesday ♥ Banana Bread Muffin
Thanks sunshine. I appreciate that. I always love hearing from you. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I am 100% betting on the power to change as I embark on a journey to lose 4 stone to get to a healthy BMI. I eat relatively well, cook everything from fresh and love eating healthily, so I’ve got a good head start, but I drink too much and my portions are nuts. I also need to ramp up the exercise. Joined the gym, started running again, and have a brand new pair of hiking boots because I just moved to the edge of a national park, so I’m going to take up hiking again in a big way (when the snow sods off!). So thanks for the positive reinforcement that this is totally possible and will also be wonderful!
Anna International recently posted…New House: First Steps in Making it Home
It sounds like you are already on your way there. Congratulations on making your own changes. It’s not always easy, but so worth it in the long run.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I adore change. It is so empowering and refreshing!! I love making goals for personal change or planning life change. Please tell us more about your guided imagery practice! Is that a technique you still use?
Yep, I still use guided imagery, especially after a tough day. There’s a lot of different kinds so let me do a little bit of research first and then I’ll get a post up on the topic. Thanks for the suggestion.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Wow, thank you for sharing this. It was really nice to learn a little bit more about how you landed at iron-pumpin’, veggie-eatin’, vanilla gorilla status. Really, thank you for sharing.
I myself used to be the pickiest of picky eaters as well. I was known to gag/vomit at the smell of any green vegetable (except, as I told you, blue cheese covered salad. Did I mention I was a weird kid as well?). While I didn’t always love veggies, they were always fresh and available from my grandfather’s farm, so I grew to love them over time. He doesn’t farm anymore, though, and I’m still kicking myself for not liking tomatoes when he grew a million different kinds. The most gorgeous heirloom tomatoes, ever. Gah.
When it comes to exercising, though, I could definitely improve. I’ve very much been and on-again, off-again excerciser and wish I had the motivation to stick to a regular routine. I’d love to hear more about how you started out.
I could kick my picky eater self now too. My mom fed us fresh vegetables all the time too, and I would not touch tomatoes for anything, unless it came in the form of ketchup. Now it’s almost the other way around. I’m still envious of your grandfather’s farm and those beautiful sounding tomatoes.
I find with exercise I just need to keep mixing it up and it makes it fresh and new. I also really dig how it makes me feel so that helps tons.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I totally believe people can change, as I’ve had so many changes take place myself over the years. I also believe that we each have a core self that doesn’t change ever, and I love feeling that constant in myself over the years as well! It’s amazing how we evolve and to almost sit back and watch the story unfold. I loved your pictures and descriptions. I too am changing my tune on yoga lately 🙂
Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Scoliosis, Oven Cleaning, Yoga, and What I’m Worth
I’m thrilled to hear that. I find yoga to be so therapeutic and the stretching part….it just feels amazing to get all the kinks out.
You’re right. While some things are constantly evolving, others are just the opposite, constant. I think I might need to do a post on the flip side of this coin now. Thanks for the inspiration.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Ah… The process of evolution! It’s good when it goes in the right direction 🙂 I can totally relate to all the milestones…other than the picky eating… I never said no to food 🙂
Oh yes, pointing in the right direction is huge. It’s detrimental when it goes the other way, although I figure some backsliding and dips are to be expected.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Yup, definitely think people can change. We have to. Or if we don’t, then natural selection pretty much weeds us out. I know I have many shortcomings, and the thought that I am stuck with those and can’t grow and mature and try and make myself better stresses me out and makes me question the point of life. Hooray for changes!
Chris recently posted…32 Weird Facts About Me
I think when we stop trying to improve, we just stop, and that’s never good. Amen to change. And avoiding monkey butt at all costs.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I was you. I smoked, I had a different hair color, I was tiny and then a little chubby, and I am secretly a Hippie.
I am only jealous on your retro mobile phone.
Lucie@FitSwissChick recently posted…If we were at Happy Hour I wouldn’t/couldn’t tell you about my Plan B.
I still have a different hair color. It changes with the seasons. 🙂
The flip phone was pretty bad ass. I almost threw a caption into that picture, somewhere along those lines. I love that you noticed that same detail even though I left it unsaid. Same wavelength.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
HOLY. You’re such an inspiration, even in third person. 😉 I love it! Not many people are strong enough to really turn their lives around like that and so your story gives hope to those who can. Thanks for sharing.
Suzy recently posted…Hot and Bothered
You are most welcome. Thank you for listening, for reading and for commenting. It makes me happy.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Change is not only possible, it’s CONSTANT! I’ve learned to love the changes (for the most part) that life brings my way, and the changes that scare me are usually the ones I grow from. As with most people. I love the little lady you’ve become, I too have changed QUITE drastically from the wild girl I was in my youth and I know I have EVEN more changes coming my way. Keep doing you cause I LOOVEEE YA!
Brittany recently posted…Nontraditional Ways to Eat Things
I puffy heart you too. I did a little running today in preparation for a race….I’m thinking Fall. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
OMG I am totally with you on this!! I went through a very long chubby phase and I also smoked and ate like shit. I’ve got a long track record of changes (most for the better) and I doubt that will change (ha ha).
Rock on hippie sister!
PS – is that mr bubble I see in your bath tub?
caren recently posted…ProCakes is Featured in Pretty Fit’s Resolution Pack
It’s totally Mr. Bubble. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
We all have the ability to change – I always feel so sad when I hear people say ‘what’s the point’ or ‘I’m too old’.
I have changed so much over my life – some for good, some for bad. But I love the most recent change in my life, being healthy, strong, confident and happy! it took being very ill to get to this point but I wouldn’t change it as I finally feeling like I am thriving!
Ps love the tough Mudder pic – I know when my husband David finished his he went through a roller coaster of emotions!
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Top 5 – Manchester!
The Tough Mudder was intense and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
It makes me sad too when people throw in the towel on themselves, especially if they’re unhappy. I always think, No it doesn’t have to be that way. Congratulations to you for the positive changes you’ve made. Thriving is so much better than surviving.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
cha cha changes …. now that’s not in my head at ALL, thanks but really i do love that diddly doo. and tiny dancer… some reason that one follows the other in my head of tunes.
change really is the only constant we have in our lives, right? but for the real – if you asked my friends from when i was age 5, then friends in 5 year intervals of my life, till now (35) then i know you’d hear all sorts of feedback. i have changed so much it’s mind boggling, but at the end of the damn day i’m same i was pretty much when i was 5 years old. a happy kid who could entertain myself with a paper bag if necessary. or my feet.
my friends from when i was 5 would tell you i was filled with WAY too much energy and spent my time alone with my great granny and my toys, giggling and sliding down staircases in boxes lined with pillows. i could entertain myself with a paper bag, just like my cat Smoky – my best friend.
my friends when i was 10 may tell you i was a very awkward and strange girl who spent all her time drawing and daydreaming; i was pudgy and very insecure.
fast forward to 15, and those friends would tell you i’d probably be dead or maybe in jail.. or worse? that was my darkness phase. better to not talk about it 😉
and i pretty much struggled with some pesky skeletons till about now. many moons later, but thank goodness i figured it out. life is simple, all you need is a paper bag and marker and you’ve got happiness for ages. and maybe a human being to share it with.
i used to do a lot of ‘not so healthy things’ too much… now i do healthier things, and probably still too much. that’s ok. i’m a ‘too much’ sort of gal. i like veggies too much, i like horrible jokes too much. i like thinking that i was a drag queen in former life, probably a different race as well. it’s all good.
okay sorry for the ramble, you inspire deep thoughts woman!
It’s always secretly my mission to get random songs stuck in people’s heads. I’m thrilled it worked.
We may have to talk about his foot fetish of yours. 😉
Ramble away, deep thoughts are some of my favorites, along with poor humor.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I have changed a ton over the years, especially the last bunch since my divorce but at the same time, it’s still me. I do think people can change enough to evolve yet still remain true to who they are. We need to be able to grow and learn and some people know this but can’t make the necessary moves even when they know they should. And, sometimes it just takes time to adapt to the things in which we need to do to transform into our better selves.
meredith @ The Cookie ChRUNicles recently posted…Thinking Out Loud – Treadmill Racing
Yeah, change can be really tough for a lot of people, myself included. It’s not always easy, but it usually is for the better. Patience is a good skill to have when it comes to change.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
First, I thought you were at least 5’10”. I kind of like the idea that I have 5 inches on you and could pick you up and throw you over my shoulder if I ever needed/wanted to.
I really really love this post, my vanilla gorilla friend. I feel like I know you better. Like we’re real friends now.
Carly @ Snack Therapy recently posted…Landmines
You just try and throw me over your should and see what happens.
I’ll probably tickle you until you drop me and then wet your pants. It’ll be really embarrassing, although it would certainly seal the friendship. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Oh. My. GAWD.
This post was eery. Creepy. Freaky-deaky. I’m so weird-ed out right now!!!
You lived my life! No joke!
Picky kid? Check.
Thin little thing growing up? Check.
Crazy pack a day smoker? Check.
Mac and Cheese and Stouffers??? CHECK.
Then? Turned 30, grew a tomato plant, grew a kid, birthed the kid, found gardening, clean eating, my inner hippie and yoga.
Holy cow.
Dude. We are so awesome.
I have, as well, been with my H for 17 years.
What I would add that hasn’t changed for me is my propensity to over salt everything.
No braces, though. My teeth is purrrfect.
🙂
Lindsey @HalfDimeHomestead recently posted…The Good Mama Monthly – The Put Down Your Phone Edition
I love salty things, therefore we are the same person, just living on different sides of the track.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Love this post! You’ve gone through such a journey in the past few decades and ended up in an awesome place. I definitely believe people can change because I’ve experienced it too (also, I wouldn’t be an RD if I didn’t believe people could change haha). Similar to you, I worked way to hard in my younger years – seriously you’ve never met a more anal and perfectionist high school student in your life. All that stress translated into too much weight on my 5′ (okay, 4′ and 3/4″) frame. Luckily I learned about balance throughout my university years and learned how to loosen up and eat better. The two came hand in hand – I think that learning to take care of our bodies is an all encompassing journey that involves not only food, but stress, emotions, physical activity, social support, etc. Change needs to happen in multiple aspects of our life for it to really stick!
Chelsea @ Chelsea’s Healthy Kitchen recently posted…Broccoli with Cheese Sauce and Toasted Pine Nuts
Good point, your profession kind of relies on people’s ability to change.
I actually agree that taking care of yourself is more than just food and exercise. You have to factor in stress levels, relaxing, and shenanigans.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
it’s amazing how life shapes us and changes us. always us just aging like wine… smoother. 😉
i’m glad you are you NOW. and love the veggies and cheese.
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And I’m glad you know the ME that exists now too.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I know I’ve been saying it plenty on your latest posts but seriously Meg, this post is AMAZING! Love the whole message behind it and I’m not going to lie- I can’t believe some of the stuff you wrote i.e. you being a smoker or not eating veggies! I think many of us are waiting for external forces to change us where is in reality, that power to evolve is in our hands…it just depends on how much we plan to use it. Ten years ago I just started my undergrad in Business Management in London. Now I’m living in Mumbai consulting people on their dietary happens- definitely see this one coming!
Khushboo recently posted…Currently (January 2015)
See you are a perfect example of someone flipping the script of their life and for the better. It all started with you though and your decision to take that first step. Amen to change.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Beautiful post, boo. And this part -> “At the time, I didn’t even fully realize I wasn’t actually enjoying it” <- really hit home for me. It's amazing how often we get stuck engaging in destructive habits that we think are good for us — or that we think we enjoy — when the reality is that they're slowly sucking the life out of us and we just don't see it. So thank goodness for the ability to change. I feel like I'm a completely different person now than I was even a handful of years ago, and I'm so much happier for it. Which only makes me even more hopeful for the future and all the amazing potential it has.
Also… I'm kind of dying over the fact that you have Mr.Bubble bubble bath <3
Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. [quick & easy] sweet brown rice breakfast bowl .
Mr. Bubble is my peek a boo bath time buddy. Alright that sounded weird, and it was kind of my intent. Oh well, too late to take it back now.
It’s easier to see things when you’re no longer in the center of them. When you’re stuck though, it’s really hard to get out of your own head. Thankfully, we both managed to do so.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
I love this. Love love love it.
It actually annoys me when some bloggers/writers/anyone continue complaining about things and harping on when in reality- YOU have the power to change it. I can relate to much of your antics growing up too and I’d never have thought I’d enjoy this current healthy mind set.
Here’s to embracing vegetables! (Growing up whenever it was stir fry night, I’d hide broccoli in tissues and throw it away. Niki would do the same with beef).
Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Nutella Breakfast Cookie Dough
Thanks buddy. I appreciate that.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about the same thing over and over again, yet do nothing to change it. I have real trouble tolerating it.
I was totally Niki growing up.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
Meghan,
I’m impressed with the raw honesty in this post. And the amazing journey told through photos–love this.
I do think people can change, and obviously you sure did.
I don’t know if I have. I mean, I guess I have–when my MIL serves us Stouffers, which I loved back before I was really cooking a ton, it just tastes bland and lacking.
But when I read French Bread Pizza I thought ‘yum!’.
We all know I’m not a capital F foodie, even if I now have a bottle of white truffle oil in my pantry (my rationalization was that I was out of town and it was a moment of madness, but I put it on the pizza-smothered fries and it was Good).
I think it’s important to get to a place of happiness in your adulthood, and I am so glad you’re there.
Kirsten recently posted…Baked Artichoke and Arugula Dip
You are a Foodie with a capital F, just a different kind of foodie. It doesn’t have to be fine dining to make you a foodie, although I would say it needs to be food. Not sure Stouffer’s qualifies anymore, but I bet you could make a fantastic French bread pizza. I’d eat your version in a heart beat.
Meghan recently posted…Recipe: Butternut Squash Cheddar Biscuits
What a fun post! Yes, I do think people have the power to change, but only if they really really want to. 🙂
Tiff @ Love, Sweat, & Beers recently posted…I Need { Another } Vacation
Yep, people need to want to change for themselves, or else it’s no Bueno.
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I like you.
I was also a super picky eater plus all we really had was Mac n Cheese and frozen burritos. I pretty much hated all veggies and fruits aside from carrots and bananas..mostly because we never ate anything different growing up. Crazy how years can change us.
I’m looking forward to continuing to work on my cooking skills and trying more veggies so I can be a foodie like you! 😉
Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut recently posted…To Date or Not To Date (your blog posts)
I was fortunate in that my parents made lots of meals from scratch, filled with three squares: a meat, a veggie and a potato something or other. I was too damn picky back then to appreciate it though. It’s also probably why I coveted the Mac & Cheese from a box and Chef Boyardee from a can. In this case, the grass was not greener on the other side.
I think you should keep working on your cooking skills so you can be a foodie like YOU. At the end of the day, you gotta do you, although I’m glad I’m able to give you some inspiration.
Meghan recently posted…Healthy Garlic Herb Yogurt Dip
Still a picky eater that doesn’t like food touching, and still a big Kraft dinner fan (in moderation). On the bright side, do two days of cardio and at least one of strength training per week, and no longer am powered solely by Diet Mountain Dew. Coffee, regular exercise, and some Kraft dinner every once in while…getting older doesn’t suck (except the hangovers!)
Gabby recently posted…I Cooked: White Bean Ragout
Embrace those steps. Each one is a part of your journey, and I do believe slow and steady changes are the way to go for long term permanent results. Kudos to you for kicking the Dew. That’s awesome.
I’m right there with you. The hangovers (or at least the recovery) definitely gets worse!!
Meghan recently posted…Healthy Garlic Herb Yogurt Dip