I don’t like to kiss and tell.
Alright that’s total baloney, not to be confused with the meat product of my youth; fried too, if I had my druthers. I have no qualms discussing mad monkey loving on the Internet, much to my poor parents chagrin. It’s healthy guys. I am in a committed relationship. It’s not like I’m banging some random dude down the street. Granted I don’t know my neighbors all that well, but you get the idea.
Yeah so apparently I kiss and then I tell, or not kiss as the case may be. For example, last night the Hubby wanted relations. I wanted chocolate and peanut butter. It happens.
Oh by the way, the Hubby is home, mostly for good.
And the crowd goes wild, or maybe that’s just me and my tatas.
Long time readers know the Hubby and I have been estranged on and off for the past couple of years, while he earns a Pharmacy degree in a different state. While he’s still technically in school, he’s gearing up for onsite rotations in Cleveland, which is music to my ears and better yet, my loins. We women have needs, which sometimes involves chocolate and peanut butter.
In a similar vein, I thought I’d share a whole host of Awkward Confessions today because the above simply isn’t enough. I’ll also toss in a few normal ones too for the sake of decency. Plus my parents are reading. Hi guys, love you.
And away we go.
- I had no idea my self-imposed blogging break would last a month. I figured I’d be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. I was wrong. I regret nothing. If anything, I highly recommend a month long hiatus.
- While I was away, I shaved my head. Technically, my hair dresser was the one wielding the clippers. Either way, I have no hair or very little anyway. It feels like freedom.
- I’ve been using coconut oil on what’s left of my hair to keep my mini alfafa sprouts in check. I feel like a bowl of greasy popcorn with too much butter. Hmm that doesn’t sound too bad actually.
- There is a bubble gum pop girl trapped inside me. I love the songs Honey I’m Good and Cheerleader. I don’t want to like them, I resisted as long as possible, but the attraction is undeniable.
- Despite my penchant for pop music, I consider myself a bit of a thug. #poundschest
- I signed up for a running race at the end of this month. A sweet and simple 5K, and I’m looking forward to it.
- I’m also looking forward to a visit from my girl Brittany next month. We video chat on the regular, and I suspect a sassy saunter with sneakers will be in the cards for us.
- Speaking of running, I tuck paper towels into the bottom of my sports bra when I work out. My girls get extra steamy in the summer, so sweat absorption is the name of the game. Wicks away sweat shirts and bras, my non-ass ass. Bounty is where it’s at.
(Back when I had long and flowing locks. The sweat is the same though.)
(Oscar likes to lay on my sweaty head, post run. He heard it was good luck).
- I didn’t wear one of my favorite summer dresses for two years because that’s how long it took me to iron it. Next time, she’s going to the dry cleaners.
- It took me an equally long time to sew the insidious tears in our feather bed. Every time I changed the sheets, it was a feather explosion, which might be kind of fun and kinky if I were a chicken. Alas, I’m not poultry, nor very good at dealing with domestic matters. Ironing and sewing are not my forte.
- I’m singing “Honey I’m Good” out loud right now; happily. There might be some dance moves involved too.
- Sometimes I play the air guitar and even the drums if I’m feeling particularly ornery. Since I have no real clue how to play either, I suspect it looks more like I’m twitching my fingers spastically. ‘Eh screw it, it’s all about the commitment and I’m invested.
- I’m still eating my bananas in public; occasionally on a beach.
- I brush my teeth hard enough I could pick my toothbrush out of a line up. My poor bristles; they look like they had a date with an angry badger.
- My tongue could give Alice Cooper a run for his money. I am a woman of many talents.
- Also, I take way too many selfies, as evidenced by this post. And on that note….
Your turn. Share some awkward confessions with me? Also, how many selfies do you take in a typical week? Give me a guesstimate. I need your help settling a selfie debate with the Hubby. Your feedback on this topic is hugely important.