It’s been awhile since I aired my dirty laundry, and I think it’s high time I did it again. Without further ado, these are my confessions.
- I don’t like hugging people, unless you’re a family member or a close friend. I’m sorry; I’m just not a hugger. It isn’t because I’m an emotionally devoid human being either….although. The real crux of it is, I’m what people would describe as top-heavy, busty, well-endowed, which is all the more apparent when you factor in my small frame. Honestly, it’s a medical mystery why I don’t have back problems, and it’s also the real reason I don’t like hugging people because when I do, the first thing running through my mind is “My boobs are touching you,” sometimes followed by, “I think you’re enjoying it, creep.”
This pictures serves no purpose here. You should donate blood though and save some lives. It’s a good thing.
- Speaking of boobs, remember that time I hulled and froze like thirty cups of strawberries? No? Well you might if I told you I did it topless. It was really quite liberating, although to be fair I should tell you I closed my blinds and I kept my pants on. While this isn’t an everyday occurrence, I’m quite comfortable (despite the hugging issue above) going topless and even sans pants. I am a firm believer in some type of bottoms though because the idea of a bare booty on my furniture doesn’t sit well with me.
- It’s no secret I hate my braces. Being an adult with a mouth full of metal is not cool, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. What isn’t well-known is they discolor your teeth regardless of the number of times you brush, floss and water pick. When I asked the orthodontist about it, they said they’d fix it once the braces came off and I’d just have to wait. They so don’t know me. Not only am I impatient, but I am also vain, so I took matters into my own hands. Using the sharp stabby file from a set of nail clippers, I very carefully and thoroughly cleaned my own teeth. I did a good job too, and now I’m thinking of freelancing, although I will be fully clothed; I’m not that kind of girl.
- Since we are on the topic of odd vanity, when I wake up in the morning, my hair bears a strong resemblance to Kramer from Seinfeld. Strong.
- My last confession is a big one, and as it turns out, I’m not ready to share it. Sometimes (read, often) I live in a land I like to call Denial. It’s a far away place, where ignorance is bliss and caution is thrown out the window. It is my happy place and to confess this last thing would rip me from my happy place, like a newborn being wrenched from the womb. Sorry, but I don’t want to leave the womb just yet.
On that very evasive note (my bad), I shall wish you a Happy Friday and be on my way.
I want to hear you confessions. Tell me your secrets. Do you walk around your house naked as a jaybird? Have you even been to Denial? It’s really quite lovely there this time of year.
Oh I never walk around naked. I feel weird doing that even in my bathroom by myself. So modest 😉
I dislike hugs as well, family/friends/strangers, doesn’t matter. My friends think it’s hilarious and hug me every chance they get. I don’t know why but it just makes me super uncomfortable. My parents think something is wrong with me to not like hugs. I try. I really do.
Oh yes. The land of denial is wonderful. Full of bliss and complete (albeit forced) ignorance.
I say take baby steps; walk around the bathroom naked or put your makeup on topless. It’ll become like second nature in no time, although I don’t recommend this when you’re back at home or at school.
I can’t deal with hugging either!!! The part I’m dreading most about my wedding? Hugging everybody at the start and end! Can I just go and hide away somewhere for those parts of the day?!!!
Oh yes, weddings are all about hugging. You might want to start practicing now.
Haha oh man, I see the blog world is filled with non-huggers^. Although when you put it that way (“my boobs are touching you”) I totally see where you’re coming from. (I also almost spit out my coffee when I read that. Which lead me to two realizations. 1. You crack me up. A lot. and 2. I need to stop reading blogs when I’m drinking coffee.)
P.s. I TOTALLY COOK TOPLESS ALL THE TIME. My kitchen has no windows (yay shitty city apartments!) so it’s really pretty rare that I’m wearing anything besides shorts in there. Maybe the occasional bra if I’m feeling modest.
P.p.s. Are you going to confess that last one ever? I’m resisting the urge to be super curious ;). (I’m so nosy.. this is why I read blogs.. haha)
I’m so glad to hear someone else goes topless in the kitchen, although I must say I never actually cook topless; only prepping. I wouldn’t want to burn the girls.
I will confess the last one, hopefully soon. The one problem with Denial is you can’t stay there forever.
Lol topless fruit,preparation? Sounds dangerous!
Or kinky….
I guess i’m in your group ” kinda” when it comes to nakedness. Reading in my living Romo your post on my underware, i have no curtains to close hahaha And i do have veeeery BIG french Windows that let me see my street. Ive Been known ( by myself, maybe neighbors too hahaha) to cook in my underware hahaha. At night i cannot see whats outside because of the darkness but i’m pretty sure theres a clear look inside my house. I dont wanna be see , i dont think ive Been seen, but if someone has ive heard no complaints hajajaha
Hey, if you aren’t getting any complaints, I say run with it. Although if it’s dark outside and you have a light on in the house and open blinds, then yes everyone can see it. Turn off the light and you’ll be fine.
Hahaha your first point is SO me!! I’m also pretty top heavy, and that’s always the first thought that goes through my mind!
That ecard is fantastic.
Damn, your newly invented teeth-cleaning device is pretty awesome! I always hated that fact about braces, too.
Denial is a great place to be. I do, however, hate the ominous feeling I get when I’m there.
Oh my gosh! So you know exactly what I’m talking with the braces?! I was freaking out about it; it’s not something they warn you about ahead of time. Plus, I was brushing and flossing like a mad woman to no avail.
It’s weird, I don’t get the ominous feeling when I’m in Denial, which is probably why I like it so much. I get the ominous feeling when I have to leave it, which always and inevitably has to happen. Sigh.
I would like to go to Denali.
I don’t have enough boob to touch anyone, but if I ever meet you I will attempt not to hug you.
My kitchen looks out onto my driveway which is a foot away from my neighbor’s driveway, so I’ll be preparing my meals fully clothed, thanks, though I love how this house has shutters over the lower windows which means I could be walking around nekked if I wanted to/didn’t have impressionable kids would would roll their eyes and say ‘Mooo-om, put some clothes on, willya?’
You better hug me when we meet.
If we had company over or kids running around, I’d definitely put clothes on too. It’d be the right thing to do, and just to keep the record straight, the strawberry hulling incident was months ago and it was the last time I was topless in the kitchen. Hmm, maybe I should fix that.
I have to say I have a complete opposite stance on the hugging topic, but it we ever meet I will refrain. 😉 I definitely have a few confessions off hiding in denial land, but I’m sure they will come out eventually.
Yes, you need to confess from time to time; it’s very cleansing.
Ha! Love your confessions! I am not a big hugger either unless for family and even then I’m not all that into it. My moms side of the family is big on kissing… on the lips and I hate it! My hubby’s grandma does it too and it’s just so weird! Naked strawberry hulling, hilarious but I bet it saved on messy clothes 🙂
Those on the lip kisses are a strange breed. Ha.
Topless anything is fun, though I think your berry prep sounds safer than my last cooking adventure… I’m also a total hugger, guilty as charged 🙂
I find it scary (though not surprising) that you took cleaning your teeth into your own hands and I’m happy to hear it worked out safely for you!
The Hubby thought I was crazy when he found out I was doing my own dental work. Oops.
That comic is just too funny! I walk around the house sans clothes all of the time and the BOY is running around closing blinds. Trust me, the neighbors don’t want to see anything : ) Save your confession for when you’re ready!
I just wrote a few confessions of my own. My big one is that I am exhausted and want to stay home with my new kitty all day instead of going to work!
New kitty??!! Oh my god, I need to see this.
Tell the Boy to enjoy the nudity while you’re still willing to walk around that way.
I am so comfortable naked in my house and absolutely agree with your underpants rule. I’m a hugger, but always try a respectful side hug to avoid boobage. And I think every single one of us has things that we deny at times. But we never really deny them deep down. We always really know the truth. But sometimes we are just being too hard on ourselves. 🙂
You are so considerate to think of the boobage.
I think you’re right; deep down the issue is always still there.
Hahaha! Sorry, I just had to laugh about the “my boobs are touching you” thing since my mom says that every time we hug! She once said it kinda gave her the “willies” (do people in the north ever say that or is it just a honky thing?) whenever she thought about it so now, whenever I hug her, I wrap my arms around her so she can’t get free and wiggle my chest against her! Oh yeah, daughter of the year award right here…you best believe! 😉
I have absolutely NO problem being naked…except for in the kitchen because let’s face it, I’m FAR too accident prone to not have some sort of protection against the heat and sharp objects in such an environment! When I used to blow dry my hair on a regular basis, I would wait to dress until afterward because it got so damn hot in the bathroom. I rarely ever use a blow dryer anymore (yay for not wreaking havoc on my locks!), but I do sometimes “forget” to put on clothes until after I’ve put on my makeup, run to the laundry room a few times, and stopped to check an email or two! 😉
Denial…oh yes, one of my favorite vacation destinations. I’m actually sitting there currently…sipping a mimosa. Care to join me?
I’ve heard of the willies, but it’s certainly not a phrase we use often. Must be a honky thing. I love that your mom says the boob thing too, and I equally love that you hug her anyway.
Clothes are so overrated, and I would be happy to come visit you in Denial, especially if mimosas are involved.
How did I miss this post?? Was it back when I was ignoring blogs? Ohh, the things I missed! Like posts about boobs and wandering around in the buff (or semi-buff). Perhaps my least favorite part about winter is that it necessitates clothing at all times, except if I take a leisurely post-shower hang out in a hot and steamy bathroom. Is it summer again yet?
I wish it was summer again already or at least Spring. I don’t even mind the snow or the cold too much, it’s that god awful darkness. I drive home in twilight now and by the time I arrive it’s pitch black and all I want to do is go to sleep or watch really bad television. 🙂