I would like to have my cake and eat it too.
I mean in the proverbial sense, although I certainly wouldn’t turn down baked goods, especially the frosted ones with a smattering of fruit.
There’s a misconception that missing things from your former, child free life, somehow makes you a bad parent for not appreciating motherhood in all its sloppy, shiny, and drool-filled glory.
I shake my fist at that nonsense.
Longing for moments from your past doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Instead, that’s honest parenting, which is more inspiring than anything else.
On that note, I’m eating my cake while sharing:
Things I Miss From My Former Life
- Booze and lots of it. Yeah sure, I have a glass of wine here and there or even a saucy cocktail, but my days of getting a little too footloose and fancy free are over, at least until sleepovers become a regular occurrence.
- Naked Time. I used to walk around the house without a single lick of clothing or in a simple pair of panties. I can’t do that in front of the kid or I certainly won’t once she’s old enough to realize moms in the buff. I understand nudist colonies exist for a reason, and I’m not living in one.
- Since we’re on the topic of indecent exposure, I’m not a huge fan of wearing a bra around the clock. Once upon a time, the highlight of my day was coming home from work, ripping off my brazier and freeing my ladies from their cotton confines. Now, as a lactating momma, my tatas tend to be a bit milky which means I have to wear nursing pads all day, every day, and those puppies require a bra. There are moments I want to bellow out, “set my boobies free.”
- My breasts belonging to me. When it comes to my lovely lady lumps, the tiny human looks at them a fraction too fondly. Let’s just say I understand how a Thanksgiving turkey feels, and it’s a little unnerving.
(She’s not really looking at the KIND bar.)
- Energy. It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep or daytime naps I get, I’m exhausted, like stick a fork in me done by 4 p.m. every single day. I can hardly form full sentences and dinner conversations are just a mess of verbal nonsense.
- Driving or riding around in the convertible. With only two seats, it’s not exactly baby appropriate.
- Foreplay. Let’s be real, I barely even manage monkey loving these days, so you know foreplay is out of the question. Supposing for one second the Hubby and I aren’t too tired to engage in lascivious wassails, the baby is sexual kryptonite. She’s a sassy shenanigans magnet and wakes up every time we’re about to get our freak on.
(“Excellent,” she says in her best Mr. Burn’s voice.)
- The number one thing I miss though is Freedom to do what I want, when I want. Case in point, I haven’t been to a farmers market all summer, and I miss my veggies.
With all that being said, I wouldn’t trade my life these days for anything, although I’d love a romp in the convertible with a beer in one hand and my bra in the other. On second thought, the gear shift might get in the way. I’ll settle for a bed and hope I don’t fall asleep instead.
Thanks for letting me Think Out Loud, Ms. Amanda.
For the moms out there, what do you miss about your former lifestyle? For the non-moms, what’s your take on parenthood?
What’s my take on parenthood? Phew that’s quite a question! I admire parents and 100% believe it is one tough job that requires a lot of sacrifice.
Could I do it, do I want to do it? I really don’t know. Right now it’s a no, I just don’t feel drawn to it at all. But I admire you so much and the mother you are to Ave. I think it makes you even more awesome by admitting the above. 🙂
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Currently September 2016… with a twist!
Thanks Jen. I think you should do whatever makes you happy, whether that includes kids or not. Blows kiss.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I remember that feeling when nursing that my body did not belong to me. And I remember missing being able to run out to a store on my own whenever I felt like it. once my son was born, I had to calculate my errands around how many times would I have to take him in and out of the car since one too many times was just not going to be pleasant for us lol.
meredith @ cookie chrunicles recently posted…Site Stuff, Running is Mental & Nursing Moms (TBT)
Oh yes, we calculate out outings according to nap time. Never mess with nap time. 🙂
I can’t wait to get my boobs back. No regrets though.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
You win mommy blogger of the year just for your damn honesty. See, we’ve all been kids. We know the time and sacrifice we have all caused our parents… so there’s no point in a parent hiding the truth about what it takes to give up your previous life and hand it over to another tiny human. Of course its wonderful and the love for the kid is unconditional, but you have a right to miss those bras and beers. Honestly? I’m not sure if could do it. I’m rather selfish with my time.
That being said, once she’s older – maybe when she’s out of “the nest” – parents get a little second hurrah at life as i see it. I’ve seen some parents go buck wild again. Out come the hot tubs and late night parties in the kids’ old room. Your time will come again.
Cora recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday: Foodie Rambles and Bread Cravings
I need to invest in a hot tub then. That could be pretty fun. 🙂
It’s alright to be selfish of your time. I was the same way and I think that’s fabulous.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
Ito miss not having my privacy and the ability to walk round in my undies. Because even though I have married, very adult children, even one 18 year old grand, once the kiddos are out and on their own, they think they’re entitled to key to our house and they aren’t afraid to use it!
This is especially true if we desire to make an event of some monkey love of our own (ya just don’t outgrow that!) and ignore or don’t hear the doorbell over our Freedom Rock tunes. The same is true of going from room to room nakey or nearly so especially after a shower, to gather my clothing or just because I like that time after my shower. I tend to keep a bra on, lest I trip. Difference between breast feeding one child and four 43 years later..
The rest of those things…they all return, if you’re patient!!
Good to know: never give the kid her own key, and I need to download some Freedom Rock tunes. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I’ve often thought ohremember when I could just do whatever I wanted and not worry about nap time or feeding….. then felt incredibly guilty!!
No need to feel guilty; that’s totally natural.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I know I take all these things for granted because I’m not a parent yet. My husband and I want to start planning soon though, so I really want to take one last couple trip before our lives change dramatically.
Patricia @Sweet and Strong recently posted…Meal Prep Tips, Guest Post
Yes absolutely take some trips. I’m so glad we went on a spontaneous trip to San Diego last year. I had no idea it was going to be the last just the two of us.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
Haha as always I love your honesty Meg! I’m not a mom (nowhere close) but I definitely think that it comes with a lot of compromise…and you need to be “ready” to give up certain aspects of your life when it comes to taking care of another human being. Although when the time comes, I am sure it’s going to be so worth it as it is for you- good thing they come out cute ;)!
Khushboo recently posted…Barry’s Bootcamp Review
It definitely doesn’t hurt that Ave is so happy all the damn time. I’ve got it pretty good even if it is without beer.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
Freedom pretty much sums it up. To eat as long as I’d like also. We were definitely living it up before she came along and I can honestly say I lived life to the fullest pre Bebe. But damn, the difference is a punch in the face sometimes. Having some extra help and helping hands is restoring some sanity but like you said, even 6 hours of sleep ain’t enough for me to feel like a non zombie later that day. Babies. So much power in a tiny package!
Danielle recently posted…WIR sleep less play more
It can be a punch in the face. I’m glad you and I are going through it together. Blows kiss.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
See, I would take full advantage of the gear shift. 😉 And seriously, I love walking around naked!!! I can only do it when all the kids are at school. It’s a good biology lesson for Callum anyway. He knows “vagina” and “penis” and “beep beep” (bum). When my oldest three were little, I walked around naked WAY longer than what was probably normal. Do I care? Not a bit. I think it’s healthy.
Love those pics. Now go shake your beep beep.
Suzy recently posted…Tempo + Core = Sub-3
I’m shaking my beep beep right now. I say rock on with naked self.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I read an article a few years ago that tore into the notion of “enjoy every single moment”. It is so refreshing to see a realistic perspective on parenting! Being honest about ALL of the moments allows us to really relish the precious ones. I love watching you as a mother. ❤
Awe thanks Liz. Your comment means a lot to me.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I guess I don’t even remember freedom at this point. Like genuinely don’t remember what it feels like to wake up and know I’m only responsible for myself. I was a totally different person back then anyway! I do still walk around naked and really don’t care, and it’s never mentioned, my kids do it too. Teaching them body love, maybe? Lol.
michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Lesson Learned, Sweatpants Obsession and My Other Job
Teaching them body love…I like it. I say rock on with your naked self.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
Yep, even with a 4.5 year old and a 3 year old I still miss so many of these things. Haha! Our kids still have a sixth sense for when we’re about to have some adult fun and it’s depressing how many times we have to either rush to the finish line or not finish at all. We don’t care about nudity too much at our house, but with my son it’s definitely getting to a point now where I’m going to have at least keep a shirt on at night (buff sleeper here). Sigh. I thought I would miss heavier drinking, but I really don’t miss hangovers and enjoy the occasional tipsy night here and there without feeling miserable the next day. Most of all… intimacy with my husband, though. We used to shower together every day pre-kids and I can’t remember the last time that happened. Oh well… I suppose they’re worth it. 😉
Heather Shoberg recently posted…Preserve your memories… they’re all that’s left you.
I was a buff sleeper and now I’m a bra sleeper. Yuck.
I don’t miss hangovers but I sure would like a tipsy night. With Ave so young and still nursing, I’m not comfortable going there yet. Speaking of which, I’d really like my boobs back. Ha!
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
This is pretty much my list of fears when I think about the big kids or no kids question.
I always thought than when I turn 30 I should have made a decision and stick to it. Now I am 31 and my opinion changes on a daily basis. Right now it’s a big fat NO. Because I am still too selfish and want to be selfish for a bit longer. But who knows, maybe in a couple of years. Seeing you with Ave definitely helped to warm me a bit more to the idea 🙂
Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Stargazing in the Desert – The Nightsky at Arches National Park
They are highs and lows as you pretty much got to see. I miss a lot of things, especially my freedom but I wouldn’t trade it in.
I think you and Stefan should do whatever works for you, whether it involves kids or not. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do just you.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
I’m sure Ave will never know if you walked around in the buff now. She’s probably appreciate the constant buffet access.
You’re really making this motherhood thing sound awesome… it’s a damn good thing Ave is so cute! Hahaha!
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…Softball Debauchery & Anti-Inflammatory Eats [WIAW]
I did nurse her while she was laying on her changing table today. Ha!
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
At this point in my life, I can’t even commit to the idea of owning a dog, much less bringing a baby into my life… pretty much for all the reasons you’ve mentioned here. I’m too selfish with my time, and too used to only having to look after myself to look kindly on any situation that would change that. At one point I was all set on the idea of starting a family, and then life happened and things turned out a different way. I’m not 100% against it, but also not exactly going out of my way to make it happen 😛
Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…my 12-hour bug & how did i not know about this?! (ToL#201)
Although you have committed to a plant and he’s still alive and thriving.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
No, I’m not sure the mommy blogger label fits you. It’s way too confined because you need to let things loose every now and then – that requires its own blog category and whatever that’s called: you’re rocking it. If anybody was worried mum life would put a damper on your sass and writing style they’ve been in for the best surprise.
In short: I have great respect for what mums do every day and yet more for you sharing an honest glimpse into your days with a good dose of your sass. Not sure I could pull that off.
Miss Polkadot recently posted…Healthy Maple Buckwheat Granola [gluten-free, vegan]
Awe thank you. I love this comment; it made me all sappy inside. Blows kiss.
Oh and you could totally pull it off. I hear how you talk about little P.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
Monkey loving?? I’m still chuckling.
I think the biggest change is the carefree feeling of only having me to be responsible for. Our kids are teenagers now but that feeling hasn’t waned. Case in point: my husband made away plans for us for NYE (like, out-of-state plans). Our kids are 19 and 15, and perfectly capable at looking after our dogs and the house for two days…but I still worry.
My daughter is a sophomore in college and she’s on my mind constantly. That will subside a little come November when she comes home for Thanksgiving, only to start back up with the gnawing of loss when she goes again.
Also, I’m new to the link up process and recently posted my own TOL post – so forgive me if I missed something, but I need to know all about that cake
I miss monkey loving and I look forward to the day the baby hangs at grandma and grandpa’s house. 🙂 🙂 Right now I nurse her and she’s decided she longer wants a bottle so we’ve got a few more months to go unless she self weans earlier. I wouldn’t hate it.
I made that cake awhile ago from this recipe: http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2014/02/09/lemon-blueberry-layer-cake/.
It was sooooo good.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
As much as I’m pretty sure I want kids, I sometimes find myself on the fence about it because I know I’ll miss my freedom. This is why I need to convince John to get a dog so that we can do a trial run of taking care of a living creature for a few years first! On the plus side, dealing with John’s snoring these past few years means that the lack of sleep that comes with babies will be a breeze for me. 😛
Chelsea A recently posted…What a Dietitian Eats at Ribfest
Start with a plant and see how it goes. Then you can move onto living things. Ha! 🙂 🙂
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
This is why I love reading your baby posts, because they aren’t goo goo ga ga “look at my perfect baby and I love my life” bull shit. You know how I feel about kids, yet somehow you’ve convinced me it’s not all that bad. I still don’t want them, but I think you’re doing a kick ass job.
Brittany recently posted…Altitude Awareness
It isn’t all bad, although there have for sure been some rocky moments (cough, the first eight weeks, cough). Her smiles help make up for it though. She’s nearly got a giggle now too.
Meghan recently posted…I Love My Kid, But…
your honesty, it’s refreshing. And makes me think of motherhood as being HUMAN. Meaning, not just boob slave. haha. I love the braless act. I do that but don’t have kids. Is that wrong?
I’ll bring you farmers market veggies any day!
I think braless is right! Go forth and be free.
I know it wasn’t necessarily your intention, but I feel a little sad for you reading this post. There are so many things I wish that you could have the opportunity to enjoy that you’ve had to sacrifice for your little one. Thanks for sharing with us.
This reminds me, in a really awesome human sexuality class I took in college, they talked about a family that got in big legal trouble because I guess the parents would walk around naked in the presence of their kid. The instructor thought that was really bogus, since, as he pointed out, nudity isn’t inherently sexual. So I say go for it if you want to! But that’s just me. 😛
I hope you continue to find joy even in the challenges. You’re such an inspiring and honest blogger!
Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Low-FODMAP Quinoa Tuna Salad
No worries. It’s all gravy, baby and I know with time, I’ll be able to do a lot of these things again. Plus, her smiles help make it all worthwhile. She’s almost laughing too and that’s a highlight of my days.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: The Recluse Edition (#50)
This is so hilarious and sad at the same time. Yep babies are cute, but I hope you get the time for yourself hun.
My in-laws have been great at helping me out so I do get some hours to myself. It’s a balancing act. 🙂