I would like to have my cake and eat it too.
I mean in the proverbial sense, although I certainly wouldn’t turn down baked goods, especially the frosted ones with a smattering of fruit.
There’s a misconception that missing things from your former, child free life, somehow makes you a bad parent for not appreciating motherhood in all its sloppy, shiny, and drool-filled glory.
I shake my fist at that nonsense.
Longing for moments from your past doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Instead, that’s honest parenting, which is more inspiring than anything else.
On that note, I’m eating my cake while sharing:
Things I Miss From My Former Life
- Booze and lots of it. Yeah sure, I have a glass of wine here and there or even a saucy cocktail, but my days of getting a little too footloose and fancy free are over, at least until sleepovers become a regular occurrence.
- Naked Time. I used to walk around the house without a single lick of clothing or in a simple pair of panties. I can’t do that in front of the kid or I certainly won’t once she’s old enough to realize moms in the buff. I understand nudist colonies exist for a reason, and I’m not living in one.
- Since we’re on the topic of indecent exposure, I’m not a huge fan of wearing a bra around the clock. Once upon a time, the highlight of my day was coming home from work, ripping off my brazier and freeing my ladies from their cotton confines. Now, as a lactating momma, my tatas tend to be a bit milky which means I have to wear nursing pads all day, every day, and those puppies require a bra. There are moments I want to bellow out, “set my boobies free.”
- My breasts belonging to me. When it comes to my lovely lady lumps, the tiny human looks at them a fraction too fondly. Let’s just say I understand how a Thanksgiving turkey feels, and it’s a little unnerving.
(She’s not really looking at the KIND bar.)
- Energy. It doesn’t matter how many hours of sleep or daytime naps I get, I’m exhausted, like stick a fork in me done by 4 p.m. every single day. I can hardly form full sentences and dinner conversations are just a mess of verbal nonsense.
- Driving or riding around in the convertible. With only two seats, it’s not exactly baby appropriate.
- Foreplay. Let’s be real, I barely even manage monkey loving these days, so you know foreplay is out of the question. Supposing for one second the Hubby and I aren’t too tired to engage in lascivious wassails, the baby is sexual kryptonite. She’s a sassy shenanigans magnet and wakes up every time we’re about to get our freak on.
- The number one thing I miss though is Freedom to do what I want, when I want. Case in point, I haven’t been to a farmers market all summer, and I miss my veggies.
With all that being said, I wouldn’t trade my life these days for anything, although I’d love a romp in the convertible with a beer in one hand and my bra in the other. On second thought, the gear shift might get in the way. I’ll settle for a bed and hope I don’t fall asleep instead.
For the moms out there, what do you miss about your former lifestyle? For the non-moms, what’s your take on parenthood?