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Top Ten Tips for a Healthy Relationship; Without All The Sap

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I’m not the romantic type; not even a little bit.

While I very much enjoy fresh cut flowers and heart shaped cookies, open displays of affection and staring adoringly into someone’s eyes makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable at best. Emotional grandiose seems over the top, and Facebook posts about undying love makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth. 

Suffice to say, sappy gestures and public gropings aren’t my thing. It truly took me years to hold the Hubby’s hand when we were out and about, and even now it’s reserved for special occasions. Naughty little jokes though, those I can do, ignoring the obvious parallels to my maturity level.

Banana and Vibrators

The Hubby on the other hand has a soft side, and I definitely don’t mean it like that. His manhood is just fine. What I mean to say is he’s a charmer and a crowd pleaser. I have male friends who’ve declared him their man crush, and I’m nearly positive my family prefers his company to my own. I also get told often how lucky I am to have such a great partner. Ignoring how irritating this comment is, I’m going to have to agree.

Today marks our TEN YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (!!!), and while I still need to pick up a card (typical), I thought what better way to celebrate across state lines than with a blog post, Out Loud. 

Surely, it’s fitting to have the non-romantic share relationship advice (cough, cough). Hubby, this one’s for you.   

Top Ten Tips* for a Healthy Relationship

*just the tip. I’m sorry, it’s like a nervous twitch. I can’t control it. 

1) Be each other’s person. You can call it a bestie, a cheerleader or a champion so long as at the end of the day, you have one another’s backs. When I first started blogging, he gifted me with an iPad and more importantly his unwavering support. In fact, he reads every single post and all of your comments. He is unquestionably my person.

Valentine's Day Card

2) No name calling, and keep others out of arguments; well unless it’s a couples counselor. As a general rule of thumb, if they don’t get to participate in the make up sex, they shouldn’t be privy to the events leading up to it. While you’re at it, don’t share their flaws with others. No one needs to know how often they put the toilet seat down or pick up their socks.   

3) Communicate. This one is so predictable and yet it’s everything. Talk. All the time. Being partners in crime doesn’t automatically make you mind readers so keep the channels open and flowing. Every night, we FaceTime before bed. We clean our mugs and brush our teeth together. It’s hot.

chickenmindreader

4) The Quickie is your friend. Coupling doesn’t always have to be candles and rose petals. What matters is the connection, and a fast physical one is better than none at all. Besides, flowers stain the sheets.

5) Appreciate one another. Do nice and unsolicited things for each other. The Hubby makes me coffee, and leaves messages and dirty limericks around the house for me to find, and I make his favorite Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Granola. I’ve also been known to pick him up from the airport in nothing more than a house coat.

Hubby's Post It Note Message

(He is the only person who can get away with this. Seriously, don’t try it.)

6) Trust and Honesty. If you don’t have these or aren’t working towards them, you shouldn’t be together.  

7) Have separate interests. Together time is fantastic, but everyone, even extroverts, need space and the ability to do their own thing on occasion.  

8) Close the bathroom door. There should be no confusion between your number two face and your “O” face.

Sex Face

9) Take turns cleaning up the cat puke or whatever dirty job you’ve got going on.

10) Be yourself. Be goofy, be silly, be sad, be happy so long as you’re real. The Hubby has seen everything there is to see about me. He’s seen me cry ugly alligator tears, he’s seen me scratch my ass, and belch more times than appropriate. He’s seen me go through challenges, excitement, grief and loss. He’s seen me belt out show tunes and sometimes he even passes the spatula so I can have a faux microphone. Anyone who can handle my singing is a keeper.

Hubby's Screen Saver

(This is the Hubby’s screen saver.)

Happy Anniversary, my little sex kitten. You’re the real cat’s pajamas, and I’m grateful for you.

Do you have a partner in crime? How long have you been together, and what’s your advice for a healthy relationship.

Comments

  1. Tara says

    Happy Anniversary!!! I loved reading these tips- there’s some seriously good advice in there (especially #4 and #7).

    The boyfriend and I have been together nearly 4 years! Which does and does not feel like a long time. Our relationship actually started out long distance, and was for the first couple years…until we moved to Korea together. We’ve learned a lot about each other through traveling together, and I think it bonds us in a really unique way.

    My tip: Laugh together. A lot. It will make the happy times happier and the unhappier times slightly less so.

    Reply

  2. Juli @1000lovelythings says

    Now I love you even more!
    First of all Happy Anniversary! 10 years! WOW! We just hit the 12 year partner in crime mark 2 days back. This makes me smile geekily. The sarcast in me hates me for this but geeky smiles are my thing when I watch my person.
    I need to say YES YES YES to everything you said. And so many parallels!!! “I’m nearly positive my family prefers his company to my own” -> I am joking all the time that if we ever get divorced my family would choose to stay with him :-/ Okay half joking maybe….
    For me one of the most important things is to take each other seriously – always! I don’t mean you have to give up on teasing each other but it’s necessary to respect each others feelings! And it’s always good when you passionately love or passionately hate the same things. Bonding over bitching 😉
    Juli @1000lovelythings recently posted…Thinking Out Loud #60 – Time Out!My Profile

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  3. Amanda @ .running with spoons. says

    This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside <3 Of course, that could be the caffeine currently running through my veins, but I'm pretty sure your post is at least partially responsible. In all seriousness, though… I'm super happy that you've found your "person." From everything I've heard so far, The Hubby sounds like an awesome guy, and it doesn't hurt that he likes my desserts 😉 I think one thing I'd add is to fight fair and NOT take outside frustrations out on the other person. A lot of the times I find that people are just looking to pick a fight with their significant other, and they'll find any excuse to start one. Not nice. Deal with your shit in a better way. And speaking of the stinky stuff… I have a no farting policy…
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. thinking out loud #127 .My Profile

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  4. Suzy says

    Killer post! Love it. As divorced parents in a now blended family, we actually kiss in front of the kids. They hate it, tell us to get a room, and make gagging sounds but they need to see that we are okay. They especially need to see we are okay because they’re kids of divorce and they have lost trust in the longevity of marriage. So even though we gross them out, it’s worth it.
    Suzy recently posted…Dear Brain, From AnxietyMy Profile

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  5. Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl says

    Such an awesome thing for everyone to read, but I think especially for girls in their early and mid 20s who sometimes can lose sight of what is really important in a relationship. So many friends are willing to put up with lousy behavior from “boys” they date, and I already know how much heartache that can lead to.
    Alyssa @ Renaissancerunnergirl recently posted…That Time I Wrote My First NovelMy Profile

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  7. Brittany says

    This….THIS!! I can’t, I have no words. This is UTTER PERFECTION!! I don’t have a significant other right now (still enjoying my alone time after my last hot mess of a relationship) but I KNOW that when that next hunk of man comes along things will be done right. This is literally like a guide manual to exactly how I see my next lover. I adore this, I adore you, and I adore your happy healthy relationship with the hubby (HI HUBBY) life is too short to be balls to the wall mad all the time or even half the time! Happy anniversary you crazy sex kittens.
    Brittany recently posted…Early Morning ConfessionsMy Profile

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  8. Michele @ paleorunningmomma says

    I’m dying laughing at this whole thing! I have a very similar approach to “romance” (hate that word sort of!) and I full on dry heave at facebook PDA honestly. I completely agree with every piece of advice! My husband and I have been through a lot together at this point, and we really are closer than ever and I love how relationships evolve and thrive over time when effort is put in. Happy 10 years to you guys!!
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…Strapped to the Kitchen Counter – TOLMy Profile

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  13. Danielle says

    Squeeeeeee!!!! This is so absolutely purrrrfect. I just adore you two’s union. Also as a newlywed I’m taking notes. There is certainly room for improvement on my side but fortunately we are both really into living our best life. I’m his cheerleader for sure, or pit bull is more realistic. Anyone messes with our den of awesome gets a big fist of words in their face. Gosh I’m vicious. But in a good way, all for love. Love for all. Happy 10 to you two tootely toos

    Reply

  14. Lindsey @HalfDimeHomestead says

    This is great! I love it!
    The H and I have been with each other for almost 18 years. He’s my people. I like his face and I think I’ll keep him around.
    I couldn’t possibly add to such an awesome list. The only thing I thought was that all the things you wrote are all about respect and loving kindness. Once those are gone, the relationship is in trouble. But if you respect and have loving kindness for that other person, whatever challenging things are happening can get worked ou.
    Oh! And make your marriage EXACTLY what you think it should be – not what you think other’s expect it to be. That’s the meat and potatoes right there, ya’ know??
    Lindsey @HalfDimeHomestead recently posted…Earth Day 2015 – Why We Don’t Use Toilet Paper AnymoreMy Profile

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  15. Sam @ Better With Sprinkles says

    Happy anniversary to the two of you!!! I love these tips and 100% agree with all of them. Love the first one in particular – you need to have each other’s back.
    And a long distance relationship has definitely taught me the importance of communication…and saying goodnight/good morning every day.
    Sam @ Better With Sprinkles recently posted…Calgary Comic Expo.My Profile

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  16. Chelsea @ Chelsea's Healthy Kitchen says

    Happy anniversary!!!

    This post had me both “yes”ing out loud in agreement and loling. I especially agree with your point about communication – SO key. I used to be really closed off – it used to take me like a week to talk to JZ when something was bothering me, and now it takes me like 1 second because I’ve realized how important talking about things is.
    Chelsea @ Chelsea’s Healthy Kitchen recently posted…20 Healthy Nut Free SnacksMy Profile

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  17. Kaylin @ Enticing Healthy Eating says

    I love how you expressed your love for each your husband and how you showed guys’ support each other best as a couple! And with SO MUCH humor, which I think is key to any lasting relationship. By the way? That picture with the banana at the top…I. Can’t. Even. I’m totally saving that one and sharing it with friends. Happy Anniversary to you!

    Reply

  21. AmberLynn Pappas says

    Happy Anniversary! I’m working on 4 years with hubby number 2 and I’m still not down for open doors on the bathroom! Who really wants to see that? Great list btw, so glad when I read about people who are so good together by just doing the simple things.
    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted…A Mom PostMy Profile

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  22. Angela Waterford says

    I absolutely agree with communicating being one of the most important things for a relationship. When my husband and I aren’t getting along, it’s almost always because we have slacked off in our communication. I like the idea of doing little things together like brushing teeth and cleaning things as well because I feel like that gives you really great time together to talk.

    Reply

  23. Clara @ ivemovedon.com says

    Thanks for a very interesting article..I think keeping ourselves happy within is the number one way to healthy relationships outside of ourselves. All postive relationships are born out of the relationship you have with yourself.

    Reply

  24. Hilary says

    When it comes to relationships, there’s a lot of advice out there about what you should do differently or how you can make your divorce-proof your marriage. However, a lot of marital satisfaction has more to do with your attitude rather than anything else. Keeping your attitude in the right place can help you to have realistic expectations of your relationship and can improve marital satisfaction.
    Thanks for sharing such a wonderful information.

    Reply

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