I’ve got some gripes I’d like get off my chest, without actually losing a cup size though. That would suck.
Hey, don’t judge. It’s not nice and besides, my tatas are one of my biggest assets, literally.
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I like to think I’m a fairly happy and positive person. With enormous breasts. Obviously. I try to see the silver lining in most situations and give people the benefit of the doubt even when they don’t necessarily deserve it. I live in world where unicorns frolic underneath giant rainbows and kitten breath is paramount to guilt-free, sugar-filled sundaes, with multiple cherries on top.
That being said, I can also be a snarky and spunky son of a monkey’s uncle. Hey look, I didn’t swear. Hold on, I need to go mark this down on the calendar.
Alright, I’m back. Where were we? Ah yes, the sassy side of me. It’s a pretty big part of my personality, and since I’m going on minimal sleep right now, as a result of Indoor Chipmunk Gate, which kicked off last night at 9 p.m., died down around 11 p.m. and perked back up at 5 a.m. this morning, in my boudoir no less, I’m sharing this lovely side of myself with you today.
I bring you My Top Ten Pet Peeves, excluding lack of sleep.
Confession: I had to work to come up with ten total pet peeves. I did it partially because Top Ten Lists worked for Letterman, and mainly because they’re good for SEO purposes. I’m shameful, I know. What can I say? It’s part of that sarcastic and salty side.
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Alright strap on your seatbelts because we’re going for a ride.
My Top Ten Pet Peeves
- Bad Driving: I could do an entire post on this topic and I still might, so for the sake of brevity, let me simply suggest using your turn signals. A pretty easy thing in the grand scheme of driving. Plus, they’re there for a reason and despite my attempts to improve on this skill, I am not a mind reader.
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Locker Room Etiquette: There are two types of people in the locker room. Those that walk around naked as a jay bird, strike up a conversation with you and expect you to look in their eyes, which is totally not happening, and those that hide their bits and pieces to the best of their abilities. I fall into the latter group, although I have no problem with the former group. If you’re comfortable with group nudity, rock on with your bad self. I sure would appreciate it though, if you’d put down a towel before parking your rear on the community bench. M’kay. Thanks.
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Cling Wrap: I think there must be a special place in your Heaven of choice, for those who can work plastic wrap; I am not one of them. It either ends up stuck to me, the counter, my hair, pretty much anything but the food I’m trying to cover or it shrivels down to the size of a penny and renders itself useless.
Homophobia, Classicism, Sexism, Racism, Ageism, or any of the ism’s really. People are unique, and as such, we have different beliefs. It doesn’t make ours any better or theirs any less. I also know I’m not supposed to talk politics, and for me this isn’t political. It’s basic human rights.
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The Non-Compliment Haircut Comment: ladies, you know what I’m talking about. The day after you get your hair done, your friends or coworkers say, “Oh look, you got a hair cut.” Or even worse, “Oh look, you got your hair cut. Do you like it?,” which loosely translates to I hate it, but let’s see what you think. Maybe if you say you hate it too, it will give me permission to say how grotesque it looks.
Bad Texting Etiquette: confession, if you text me in the middle of a work day, there’s a good chance I won’t even see it until hours later. I also really value my private time and have lots of respect for yours. My grievance is when you don’t respond for days on end, especially when an invitation is involved. Also please stop using all those cute little acronyms because I don’t know what they mean, and I’m too stubborn to look them up.
Public Restroom Hygiene: gals I get it, but if you refuse to park your ass on the toilet seat and insist on doing the hover, then I insist you either stop peeing all over the seat or clean up after yourself when you do. Common courtesy.
The Phrase Shut Up: I have no issues cussing like a sailor, but I think saying “Shut up” is paramount to bitch slapping my momma, which will cause me to set aside my non-violence stance and throw down. Nobody bitch slaps my momma.
Long Lines & Bad Traffic: if for no other reason than I’m incredible impatient. I don’t know how people in huge metropolitan areas do it. I’d lose my shit in 4.3 seconds, especially when it’s coupled with a side of Bad Driving.
Respect: at the end of the day, we’re all just people, regardless of our profession, and it’s important to remember that. Every single job is a cog in the wheel that makes our world go round. Science might play a role too.
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There you have it folks. My Top Ten Pet Peeves.
I’m not sure about you, but I certainly feel better having gotten that off my well-endowed chest. Thanks for listening to my verbal purge; now head on over to Amanda Spoons and see what other people are Thinking Out Loud. Who knows, maybe they’re talking about unicorns, rainbows, kittens, and sundaes. Now doesn’t that sound lovely?
Your turn. Tell me some of your pet peeves. What type of Locker Room Person are you? Naked as a jay bird or covering those bits and pieces?
Oooh goooooddd ones! A lot of those are pet peeves of mine too. I feel a little flustered now thinking about them though 😛 One of my big ones (sorry if I offend anyone) is when Americans tell me they are “insert country here” when their great great, twice removed, cousins husband was from “inserted country”. This bugs me the most on St Patricks day, you are American, and I am English (or British)…..I am not sure why it annoys me so much haha!
Tina Muir recently posted…Adapting to Weather Changes: 10 Tips to Help Training in Heat
I’m totally guilty of the I am Irish thing, especially on St. Patrick’s Day. Ha! Sorry about that. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
“A person who is nice to you but not nice to the waiter is not a nice person. ” This. So much this.
Meghan, the beginning of this post reminded me of the festivus episode of Seinfeld: ” I got a lot of problems with you people! ” I loved it – thanks!
Melissa @ Step Into My Kitchen recently posted…The Big Sandwich
I agree. That quote is spot on. That shows a person’s real character I think.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
I start to feel like your blog is going to win the Lucie’s favorite blog award.
What do you mean, that doesn’t exist?? It does!! So keep on writing so friggin’ good and I fly over to hand it out personally. I also bring Swiss Cheese in return to some booze.
I do speak to people naked (I mean women in the ladies locker). But it does feel a little awkward to be honest, so I cover my lower body with the towel. But I definitely like to flash my boobs. They’re nice.
My pet peeve is cleaning with the hoover. This shit thing crashes into the door frames ALL THE TIME or into the back of my feet. Sometimes it rolls over or the tube goes all crazy squeezing (Hell I don’t know how to explain that in English) and the it kind of screams scarily.
I think I just found an intro theme for my next post.
Happy Weekend you sassy lovely lady.
Oooh favorite blog award…Did I get a prize? Can it be some nut butter? Or better yet, a visit from a crazy Swiss chick who likes to talk to herself a lot?
Go you with your locker room nudity! Rock on with yo’ bad self.
Glad I inspired you; get yourself a Dyson. They are the Cadillac of vacuums.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Sista from another mother, you and I are on the same page with all of the above with the exception of the big boobs. I have not been blessed in that department.
PS….. never ever come to LA if you don’t like bad drivers, heavy traffic, duchey people or long lines. You would not last a hot minute here! lol
xo
I couldn’t handle a really big city. It’d make me insane, and I’d have to go all Britney Spears on a car with an umbrella.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
I agree with all of these, especially the one about public restroom hygiene. So gross!
Sometimes I can’t even comprehend the horrors I see in public restrooms. Why? I don’t get it. It looks like a four year old used the toilet.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Yes! Yes to most of those, but especially #1. Why can’t people use their turn signals? It’s sooooo easy and it is so much safer when you’re telling the world where you plan on going.
Jenny recently posted…i scream for nice cream
The no turn signal thing makes me crazy, as does hanging out in the passing lane and NOT passing people. Hello? It’s called the passing lane for a reason. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
wow…so many of our pet peeves are the same! I never thought of the haircut one being a back handed compliment- but YES to the shut up one- I swear that can be taken out of context to be worse and more offensive!
I’m now going to have to proof read text messages from now on- speaking of which- TTFN.
Arman @ thebigmansworld recently posted…Healthy No Bake Double Coconut Rice Crispy Squares
Damn you and your clever little acronyms. However, I actually do know that one, so jokes on you. Ha, ha.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
I’m going to tell you a story about the nastiest restroom experience I ever had. Ready? Here we go…
So I was on a road trip, and we were sorta out in the middle of nowhere, which automatically means that I suddenly have to pee, like, NOW. There was no place in sight, so when we finally happened across a random gas station, I seriously heard a choir of angels singing. Imagine my dismay, then, when I walk in and it literally looked like someone had been murdered in the one and only stall they had. You think it’s bad when ladies don’t clean up after hovering? What the hell is it when they don’t clean up after Aunt Flow?!?! And I’m talking, like… everywhere. To this day, I cannot understand what happened in there, and I probably don’t want to ono 😯
And yeah… bad drivers make me homicidal.
Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. peaches and cream protein smoothie .
What is wrong with people where they think that is actually acceptable public restroom behavior. I almost followed someone out of the bathroom one time to question her peeing etiquette. For real, she walked out of the stall, I took one look and then glared at her with disgust before deciding to wait for the next opening. She totally knew too. Filthy. I can’t handle that.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes (that’s ten “yes”es and me agreeing with you, not me screaming out in pleasure). Plus you get an extra yes (YES!) for the big boob thing. I also hate the compliments where someone says something like, “you look really good today” except they say it all surprised-like, as if you look horrible every other day. Thanks.
Carly @ Snack Therapy recently posted…Full Moon Party
Dammit, I was hoping it was you screaming in pleasure; a little leftover from the Moon Party perhaps. 😉
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Yes yes yes to all of these…especially homophobia and racism- those are just NOT on! Another one that drives me nuts are unpunctual people- if you’re going to show up late for no valid reason, you might as well just be open & say “Hey, I have no value or respect, which is why I am late”! Does it make me a terrible person to admit that crying babies do my head in too…even worse if we’re on a plane!!
Khushboo recently posted…Pumpkin and Kale Soup
Nope, it doesn’t. Crying babies can be a tough pill to swallow, and amen to punctuality.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Respect. Yes. 🙂 So many good ones I think we all can relate to
Tiff @ Love, Sweat, & Beers recently posted…Friday Five
Respect is the biggest one. I should have made that number 1.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
I hate hate hate when people honk at you to turn right on red when there is a sign that says “no turn on red” it might just be a city thing but the people here are very aggressive with trying to make others break the driving rules! They of course then speed at about 50 miles per hour only to stop at the next light a 1/10 of a mile down the road.
Casey @ Salted Plates recently posted…Stitch Fix #2
I might fall into the latter category of your pet peeves ( 🙂 ) although I would never dream of honking at someone if an effort to make them break the driving laws.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
my husband is the king of slow texts… annoys the crap out of me. But i also get annoyed when people only text and never call. Ha!
yes to all, especially the pee on the seat… WIPE it
lindsay recently posted…Cherry Cocoa Pistachio Bites and Healthy Bite Link up
Touche. Yes, sometimes a phone conversation is necessary. You can lose or misinterpret a lot of meanings when it comes to text messaging.
I hope you’re having a great weekend cheering on the kiwi.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
OH – slow stupid drivers are my biggest pet peeve – roundabouts, turn signals, driving at least the speed limit, cutting me off…..I have lots of road rage!!!
We own an event venue and I’m the one who does all the cleaning – in the past year since we bought it I have seen all manor of things in the bathroom – the thing that amazes me the most is that it is usually adults only so the messes can’t even be blamed on kids!!!
Kim recently posted…Trying New Things (8/10-8/16)
It amazes me to that adults who should absolutely know better tend to do disgusting thing in bathrooms.
Amen to at least going the speed limit. I get crazy about that too.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Top ten lists are definitely the way to go. I totally hover, but have a talent of always getting my pee in the toilet. Most of the time, but if I don’t it’s usually somewhere like a portapotty where you should expect the worst anyway…right? Meh, whatever. I can’t remember the last time I actually used a locker room? I was always a “use the shower with a door” kinda gal though. My lady bits are for my eyes only. And my cats I suppose.
Brittany recently posted…Quality Over Quantity
I bet your cats appreciate that. They’re pretty open with exposure themselves. I mean really, have you seen kitty bath time. Pfft. Ridiculous. They’d fit right in at my gym.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Good list! I totally agree with bad drivers, homophobia/racism/etc, and bad public restroom hygiene. I HATE sitting down on a public toilet seat and realizing it’s wet. So gross!
My other pet peeves… hmm there’s a lot of them haha. Being flaky on plans, people who always blame things on other people, hogging multiple sets of dumbbells at the gym at one time, and being told I don’t look 25 by almost every new person I meet. 😛
Chelsea @ Chelsea’s Healthy Kitchen recently posted…Things to do in Marlow
The bathroom thing is one that baffles me all the time. I mean c’mon we’re adults. Can’t we be a little less disgusting? 🙂
The blame game thing is frustrating. That should have been a pet peeve too.
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
The STOP sign thing couldn’t be more true. Same applies to driving the speed limit. I will always be the fastest car… unless you’re driving like a douche. Then I’m blocking your asshole self.
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…Simple Baked White Fish
I had a sneaking suspicion you were gonna like that stop sign image. Ya know, just based on some things I heard about your driving. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
Down with the -isms!! let’s get rid of all the negative -isms and just be our big (or small) boobed, naked locker room selves! And maybe while we’re at it we could learn to pee neatly in public spaces 😉
Sarah Pie recently posted…Sketch-Free Queso Dip
Yes, down with the ism’s, up with the peeing neatly. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…My Top Ten Pet Peeves
I loved this!
I fume in my car about bad and unsafe drivers… why are the police never around to ticket them?
I’m a germaphobe, so, they better put a towel down before they sit on a public place with a bare arse… or they will hear about it!
And being a germaphobe I don’t hand over my drink for anyone to sip from whether it’s the glass or straw everyone that knows me knows this! Recently I was using my lip gloss while out and a friend took it from my hand and applied it to her pucker. I wasn’t in speed mode to stop her, so, that was the end of that lip gloss and obviously she doesn’t know me that well yet!
I’m trying not to let things get to me as much as they usually do. I’m really trying to let things roll off my shoulders more… you know to live longer 🙂
Anneli recently posted…Mineral sunscreen or chemical?
I promise never to snag your cocktail for a quick sip or snatch your chapstick from your hands. 🙂
How have I not seen your blog before? Hilarious post! Oh man, the cling wrap!! I know, right?!?! It’s always the older ladies at my gym who love showing off their goods in the locker room, I’m the one who hides in the privacy of my personal changing room 😉
Heidi @ Idlehide Blog recently posted…Thursday Thoughts #29 of 2014
I’m not sure, but I’m happy you here now. I’ve got lots of hilarity and hijinks stored up…or maybe not, but we can always pretend. 🙂
Those older women do just love to bare it all.
Meghan recently posted…Much Ado About Everything
Hahahaha these are hilarious and I totally agree with you about bad driving. And the haircut thing, do people do that?! I guess I hardly ever get my haircut haha. I can’t imagine saying that to someone though.
People say that all the time about haircuts, at least here in Cleveland, and it always makes me batty. Sometimes I’d like to respond, “Yes I did get my haircut. Do you have something nice to say about it or are you just stating the obvious?”
Meghan recently posted…Much Ado About Everything
Yes to it all!!! 🙂
My biggest petpeeve is when people chew with their mouth open. Totally digusting to me…
I’m the one covering up as much as possible in the locker room but not to the point of going in the toilet stall to change like I use to in high school. 😛
Yes, the open mouth chewers. How could I forget that one? And it’s so awful sitting across the table from one of them.
Meghan recently posted…Much Ado About Everything
I like your first one. I do not always stop at them. I am a slow and go person. It’s funny in my neighborhood there is a sign underneath the stop sign that says rolling stop $109.50 fine. First off why is there a sign and second what an odd fine.
I feel like slow and go should be the way to go, especially if there’s no one else there. Rolling stops seem to be the norm, and it’s crazy your town has fines for them at, at $109.50 no less.
Meghan recently posted…Much Ado About Everything
This post was perfect! I only just became aware of the fact that lines actually exist….Despite being fully aware now I have no intention of waiting in them. Nope, not sorry.
Davida @ The Healthy Maven recently posted…Boston + Martha’s Vineyard Recap
My father is the same way. If he sees a long line, he just goes right around or through it. No waiting for him. He does get quite a few comments from those waiting in line, which he never acknowledges…just keeps going. It’s actually quite fascinating to watch.
Meghan recently posted…Much Ado About Everything