It has been ages since I spilled the beans on the blog.
Seriously things have been way too calm, and there’s been far too much gobbledygook for my own peace of mind. My secret sinful side is getting restless, so I think it’s time we make things not so secret, Out Loud, of course. Thanks for hosting Ms. Amanda. (Dad, you might want to skip this post. Love you).
And away we go:
The porno movie I mentioned earlier this week starring Senator Blowhard wasn’t made up. I discovered it in high school when I went to watch a movie with my friend and father (hello, awkward). It turns out one of my brothers was up a little late the night before.
(This is not that porno, but I figured a sex joke would be appropriate here.)
The breast milk in Ave’s shot glass (yes, my six month old has her own shot glass) comes directly from my nipple. What I mean to say is I’m not pumping and pouring it in. Instead, I stick my golden globes in the cup and squeeze. It’s effective, although the Hubby was quite shocked when he realized what I was doing.
Most of the time when I play peek-a-boo with the tiny human, she’s sitting outside the half opened bathroom door, and I’m on the throne. Isn’t that a lovely mental image?
Some days, I don’t want to be a stay at home mom.
Most days I’m grateful for the opportunity though.
I love my kid.
When it comes to my bladder, I can no longer hold it the way I used to; accidents have happened.
I find the new ‘AF’ trend incredibly irritating. Honestly if you’re too lazy or not ballsy enough to go for the full monty, then you shouldn’t be using it.
I’ve never made nut butter before.
If I should start though, it’d be Juli’s White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Butter. She sent me some and I ate the entire jar in the span of a few hours. It’s magic in a bottle.
Speaking of illicit substances, I smoked grass once, like literal grass. I was young, foolish and out of Marlboro’s, so I rolled up some of the backyard in lined white notebook paper, lit that sucker up and inhaled. It was not my finest moment, and I burnt the hell out of my throat.
I photo shopped a bug out of my Roasted Sweet Potato Kale Salad pictures; just one of the hazards of shooting outside.
This is no way prevented me from eating said salad.
Last, when I say I licked the bowl clean, I mean it.
Your turn. Tell me a scandalous confession. Also is squirting breast milk into a shot glass that weird? I didn’t think so, but the Hubby tells me otherwise.
“Af trend” ? God I’m so damned old!
Confessions of a 1970’s teenager are dangerous things.. I smoked grass too, but not the stud that grew in my back yard. Loooots of it! Then when I got married to my hippy husband it began giving me asthma and so he got me some some ‘other stuff’. (Hash) It worked! (Btw, I abhored alchol, it my dad was, in my opinion, an alcoholic)
Later, when we became parents, (atthe ripe old age of 18 (me) and 21, I gave it all up for the obvious reasons.
The others of your confessions, I have done, plus more! I have called my children our of school for late attendance due to sniffles, wanting to make sure they weren’t really sick, when actually, I actually hit the snooze button too many times. Then I had to coach them to sniff a lot for the rest of the morning and Do. Not. Question. Mommy!
I told my children for many years, all the while my breath smelling of fun sized candy bars, the day after Halloween that the Great Pumpkin had visited and taken their candy and delivered it to less fortunate children who couldn’t go Trick Or Treating. I just couldn’t stand the idea of them eating all sugar! We let them eat all they wanted on Halloween, then My husband and I ate what we loved, and he took the rest to work. They took the news like little soldiers. Until they got smarter.
The same thing happened with the Easter Bunny. My adult kids all fight their weight and I wonder if my not allowing unlimited sugar is the cause. …. confession. I feel it’s my fault for trying to control their outcome by giving them only healthy choices!
And I am notorious for bowl/pan/beater licking and I mean I really “go for it”! I’ll stick my face in if the payoff is worth it and the shower handy! My husband loves nothing more than catching me in act! A gray haired old lady with her tongue out, hehe!!!
Why am up so late? I HATE sleeping alone and my sleeping dude is away on business. AND, I respectfully to my host, admit that I may be raising a glass to MY 42 year long wait for my Chicago Cubs to win the World Series!!! Sorry Meghan, I was going to be happy for you! But I am even happier for us! I became a Cubs fan when I married and moved here in 1972.
I gotta give it up to the Cubbies. It was a great game, and I’m happy for Chicago.
AF stands for “as fuck,’ and everyone is tired AF or happy AF or whatever AF right now and I find it irritating. I have no qualms with the ef word, yet I feel like it should be used for special occasions, and it should be actually said, not just abbreviated. I guess I’m old too.
I’m totally stealing the Great Pumpkin idea and Do. Not. Question. Mommy. Thanks for the tips, er I mean confessions. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
ha, I used to do the breast milk thing too! it’s extremely normal for nursing moms even if the rest of society finds it odd.
meredith @ cookie chrunicles recently posted…PMS, My Race Decision & Trader Joe’s (TOL)
Oh good, I feel much better about my nipple in the shot glass thing now.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
I don’t see anything wrong with these. Especially peek a boo on the throne. Ya, Multi tasking at its finest.
Even boob to glass milk. That’s just saving time. In my opinion.
Now.. what’s this AF trend?
Lindsay recently posted…One Pan Cranberry Balsamic Roasted Chicken {Paleo}
AF is ‘as fuck’ and it seems like everything is X AF these days: hot AF, cold AF, tired AF….I’m over it, and I’m a phenomenal multi-tasker if I do say so myself.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
I’m with the others on the AF trend, unless it’s that free bleeding business which I just find utterly odd. I saw some article about some lady ‘bravely choosing’ to run a road race without feminine protection and I’d think it would feel icky. Fuck what anyone else thinks–if it were me, it would feel icky. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that, because I don’t know what af trend you’re referring to.
Boob milk in shot glass? Why not? It’s efficient. I cannot tell you how many times the technician strapped my kid into the CT scanner papoose, then I’d lean over and whip it out and get him milkdrunk enough to sleep thru a head CT. Powerful stuff. Deserves such a pretty shot glass.
Kirsten recently posted…Roasted Carrots with Fresh Dill
I’m with you, having blood dribble down my thigh is not my idea of a good time. π
Breast milk is powerful stuff. It’s like the elixir to calm the baby.
AF is as fuck and it’s being overused in my not so humble opinion. Watch, now you’re going to start seeing it everywhere, like the word ‘that,’ which is also overused in writing all the time.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
One time my friends made me smoke oregano and told me it was pot. Not my finest moment either.
I think I bought a bag of oregano once. Unfortunately it wasn’t the type of purchase you could return. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
When I was in high school, I had a party without my parents knowing and my friend and I decided to call one of those sex-phone worker things (that apparently used to be advertised on commercials!?). Anyway. We were on the phone for all of 10 seconds before hanging up, but it showed up on my dad’s phone bill for $100. To this day he still doesn’t know it was me. Also. Favorite porno = Pirates. Have you seen it? They made second one but it wasn’t nearly as good….
Thanks for making my day. I was feeling like poo. And now I have your breast milked shot glass to keep me going.
Cora recently posted…Making Goals: How Do You Want To Feel?
I have not seen Pirates but I may have to seek it out now.
Who does your dad think made the sex calls? Did you poor brother get blamed?
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
Yes…. or more so my brothers’ best friend, I think. Never his dear sweet daughter…..
Cora recently posted…Making Goals: How Do You Want To Feel?
AhhhAHAHA the golden globes. This is why I love you.
Brittany recently posted…Hunter Farms, Union Washington
Very different than the award ceremony Golden Globes, although much more buoyant.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
I’m mostly just impressed that Ave can manage a shot glass. There are times when my 3 year old still can’t seem to drink out of a cup without missing her mouth! :p Seriously, though… pumping is the worst, so why wouldn’t you do it directly into the cup?
My confession? Sometimes I really dislike parenting and have imagined running away. Just on the really bad days… like that we have to find a new preschool for our son because he’s too disruptive. Today should be fun. I know I don’t want to get him on any kinds of medications, but there are moments when I wish he was older because maybe medicating him would just be easier. Sigh. This too shall pass. Now off to find an occupational therapist and a new preschool!
Heather Shoberg recently posted…Corn Maze and Other Fall Fun!
Ave needs lots of help with the cup, meaning we really do it, but hopefully she’ll get it. We’ve resorted to the tiny cup because she won’t take a bottle so I figure we got nothing to lose by trying.
In the beginning, I told the Hubby almost daily, I wanted to run away and never come back. They medicated me, so I guess the answer is to medicate yourself instead of the child. π π
I hope new preschool hunting went well. Fingers crossed.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
You should spill the beans more often! That made my day π Shot glasses of milk directly from the source should be a thing. Make it one!
I think I told you that before but my friend and I once tried to smoke sage. It didn’t really work out the way we planned.
Stefan and I had a talk about my future career this weekend and I told him that I find the position you are in so ideal. You get to stay at home with Ave and hatch your plot to take over the world! But I get it.
Also you are my hero for making it through the entire nut butter in no time at all. I should have maybe swapped the rest of the stuff for more nut butter. Next time π
Juli @1000lovelythings recently posted…Chicago β A Love Story
I can’t wait to take over the world. Any day now…I’ll be fueled by white chocolate macadamia nut butter. Seriously I want to bathe in that stuff….it is heaven sent. You are the best. THANK YOU and Stefan!
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
“Golden Globes” <— hilarious. I used to squirt the husband in the side or the back of the head with my breastmilk; I could shoot it across the room. I'm totally lazy AF. Being around teenagers I get exposed to all these weird shortened versions of everything. I feel like I'm constantly translating teenager language.
I can still squeeze milk out my left nipple and I haven't breastfed since March 2015!
Suzy recently posted…The Broccoli Rectme
That’s amazing you can still get milk out of it. Our bodies are crazy AF.
If you can’t beat them, join them. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
“AF” bugs me so much, but occasionally I find myself slipping into it because I hear it so often. It’s the worst.
I love shooting food outside because of the light (duh), but the bugs do drive me crazy. And my neighbors probably think I am crazy as I stand on the patio furniture swatting at all the bugs with a camera around my neck. It’s a good time. I still totally eat the food – and serve it. What other people don’t know won’t hurt them π
My neighbors asked the Hubby why I was always photographing food in the backyard. Ha!!
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
I had no idea that you could legit shoot it out. Does it have a decent trajectory? Could you theoretically aim and hit something on the other side of the room? I’m fascinated. And I once chewed gum that I found stuck to the bottom of a table. I was something like 7 years old and my mom wouldn’t let me chew gum, so I blame her.
Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…feeling funky & ice cream for lunch (ToL#207)
If they golden globes are full and you hit them in the right spot, it does have a decent trajectory….aim on the other hand is not so stellar. Your nipple is actually quite porous so it’s not like one hole, it’s like the entire thing, so it’s possible to have several sprays going all directions. The more you know…. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
Boob shots. I’m a fan of this idea!
True story: in middle school we smoked PAPER. Like rolled up notebook paper. Please explain to me how that was “cool”? Teenage girls are so weird. Good luck with that.
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…BBQ Cauliflower “Rice” Bowl [Recipe] + WIAW
Oh yeah, teenage girls are the worst. I’m in trouble. I’ll be calling you then.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
Not licking the bowl/plate clean – sometimes the nut butter jar, too – would be the bigger shame. It’s a waste of precious food, that’s it.
Scandalous confession that may or may not be recent: wanting to wipe the (electric) stove at my aunt’s clean while it was still hot – she’s finicky about dust and crumbs – I ruined her fancy towel. It’s made from a specific garment that’s apparently kind of plastic-like in that it melted upon touching the stove. Only a tiny bit before I realized it wasn’t a regular one so the damage is not too huge. I did forget to tell her before we left again, though …
Feel free to spill the beans more often. Honesty rocks and I bet we all have quite a few of those little secrets.
Miss Polkadot recently posted…Healthy No-Bake Millionaireβs Shortbread Bars
Hey at least you were trying to clean up…your heart was in the right place, just maybe not the dish towel. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
If you hadn’t said that was a bug, I would have assumed it was just a dark mark in the wood. π Reminds me of the time I found a small green worm in scrambled eggs my mom cooked with kale from my garden. I did definitely quit eating on that occasion.
Poor banana. π
Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…No-Shame November #1
Oh yeah, I often find creepy crawlers in my lettuce. It’s why I generally wash it really well. π
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
You gotta do what you gotta do – and if that means shooting straight into a cup then go for it. And I think that’s a pretty cool skill actually… Defintiely something to bring up at a dinner party.
Confession – I really missed home this week. Just wanted to be at my parents, walking around my hometown, soaking in some autumn air. Just for an afternoon would have been lovely. But I get this occasionally, and it passes. π
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Macro Counting – the good, the bad and the ugly – part two #5TTT
I get home sick too and I moved 20 years ago. π It maybe be time for a trip back home for you.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
How i can relate to licking the bowl…every damn day! The bit about the bugged salad made me laugh! If something falls on the floor, I’m still going to eat it…even if it’s past the 10 second rule pshh!!
Khushboo recently posted…Dark chocolate bark
I read a study where they discredited the 10 second rule. Apparently, floors, in comparison with everything else, are relatively clean so have at it.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
Can’t say I ever did that with my “golden globes” but I have smoked grass…we rolled ours in a paper plate…and burnt the sh** out of my throat as well! Good times, good times…
What is it with smoking literal grass? What were we thinking?!
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans
Oh yes me likes to lick. I actually licked the rim of the sauce pan last night. I poured the pasta sauce out and didn’t want to spill on the counter. So without hesitation I brought the pan to my mouth and cleaned it up. I’ve licked milk off of the baby’s face as well. I’m channeling my inner kitty. Meow My husband just silently walks away when he sees me using my tongue as a tissue.
I’m proud to say I carried Lulu into the restroom and used it while I bounced her on my lap. I had just fed her, didn’t want to put her down, and had to go in a major way. It was the best relief ever. I’m not kidding. I might tell her one day she sat on my lap while I dropped a deuce. Definitely.
Danielle recently posted…WIR sleep less play more
Ha, ha! I love these confessions…Ave’s has gone on some bathroom trips with me as well. π Your secret is safe with me.
Meghan recently posted…Spilling The Beans