If you’re here today, not as a regular reader, but because you searched “how to survive the eighteen month sleep regression,” let me be the first to say, I’m sorry. I have been there, it sucks monkey balls or any other testicles you can’t fathom having in your mouth, and I feel for you.
As an aside, this is not going to be your typical sleep regression article, just in case the scrotum reference wasn’t a dangling and dead giveaway.
By now, you’ve read more articles than you’d like about toddler sleep or lack thereof and while conceptually you understand what’s happening, you just want to know how the fuck to survive it.
Enough is enough already, am I right?
Of course I am. That’s a rhetorical question. No need to respond, but feel free to nod along if it helps keep you awake. If you are here and reading this, I know you have surpassed mere exhaustion and fallen into hallucinations, without the added benefit of an LSD high. Not that I would actually know from experience. Truly, I have engaged in many illicit activities in my time, and yet shrooms and little scraps of paper never made the cut. Go figure.
Baby and toddler sleep regressions are similar to home improvements projects. No matter how long they say it will last or cost, you’ll need to double it. Your child is pretty much the worst contractor on the planet. He doesn’t listen, he doesn’t show up when he’s supposed to and then he takes his frustration and sleep deprivation out on you. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but that’s a tall glass of life for you.
Our most recent sleep regression lasted three very long and seemingly never-ending months, when the typical one caps out at six weeks. Granted, we exacerbated the problem by traveling multiple times and working on new teeth, but try telling a toddler to get on your schedule. That’s about as likely as new parents having energy, an elephant flying an airplane or Donald Trump becoming president. Oh wait…
The good news is the regression will end.
One more time for effect:
The regression will end, I promise you, so go ahead and let out a big sigh of relief. You’ll feel much better, although of course still weary and bone tired. I can’t change that.
I can tell you how to survive it though.
Surviving the 18 Month Sleep Regression
- Coffee is your friend or whatever caffeinated beverage gets you through the day. This is not the time to worry about overstimulating yourself. Instead it’s time to buckle up, caffeinate and ride that train until your toddler eventually falls asleep or you pass out, whichever comes first.
- Wine helps if you run out of coffee. Confession: I drank a sweet glass of white many a night during the tiny dictator’s sleep regression. That is when I wasn’t too exhausted to drink, and yes, for non parents, being too tired to intoxicate oneself is absolutely a thing. A pity, but a thing.
- Send out an SOS. Ask someone, anyone else, to watch your kid for a few hours, especially if you’re a stay at home parent. You need some time apart, and you can use your new found freedom to nap or guzzle more coffee or sip a little booze; whatever floats your weary and war-torn boat. If you have a friend who suffers from insomnia, now is the time to use them.
- Swear like a sailor or enough to make one blush. Yell into a pillow. Moan and wail outside of your child’s prying eyes to relieve a little tension. I’d tell you to exercise, but we all know that’s hard to do on limited sleep and with a toddler attached to your left thigh. I get it.
- Give yourself grace. You might be irritable, on edge, and perhaps not exactly living up to your expectations as a parent, a spouse or a semi-responsible home owner; try not to beat yourself up over it. We all have good days, bad days and days when we say fuck a lot, and that’s OK.
I wish I had more advice to give you. A way to make it stop with a loud click of your super stylish heels (just kidding, parents wear flats) or a subtle twitch of your sweet little button nose. Despite watching far too many episodes of Stranger Things lately, I don’t have those kinds of magical powers. Hmm, maybe I should have tried acid.
Tell me your sleep regressions stories? Also, I’m not advocating using LSD to get you through. In fact, I am in no way an expert nor even a reliable source on the topic, so proceed with an abundance of caution and an extra large mug of coffee.
hahahaha! oh yes, we began our fun journey with the sleep regression in november when she was 16 months. then we really ruined all the good practices by going off to mexico, where we all slept together in a giant bed. it was BLISS and our little one slept so wonderfully… then we came home and miss lulu decided she did not like her bed anymore. i tried to hold her and sleep train her and get through a few nights, but i was so tired and sick, and needed my sleep. finally we gave in an my hubby was the first to cave. he brought our angel monkey to bed and she slept so peacefully and we all slept peacefully and lived happily ever after… so yeah, she’s still with us. and i DON’T CARE! she’s a little person now so no worry about rolling over her, more worry about her kicking one of us in the face or ribs. but i love it. i kinda really do 🙂
we are experiencing a nice new phase of miss attitude. i am sure this will progress and last for the next 20 years. kids are freaking amazing. you don’t need acid because they are a trip as-is!
We have some attitude going on here too, and I already know this one is gonna give me a run for my money.
I say sleep whatever way works for you and your family. To hell with the naysayers.
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
I have ZERO experience with this, and don’t know if I will ever know what this is like, but you write this so well even a kid-less lass like me wanted to read it. I’m glad you’re over this hump, it sounds awful.
Brittany recently posted…Humbled and Thankful
You just like that I said balls, testicles and scrotum all within the first few sentences. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
Yeah; that kinda sucked me in too, not gonna lie 🙂
This is why we get along so well.
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
Never ever something I want to experience, that is now official. But thank god other parents have you and your dose of reality to guide them through. I’ve been short on sleep just in these last two days and I feel I could rip Dan’s head off. Three months…. no one would come out alive.
Cora recently posted…Latest Kitchen Creations: Soup, Brownies, “Cheese” and Pink Bread!
No sleep for two days…well then I think you should apply my tips. Certainly, the coffee, booze, swearing and grace would help. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
You CRACK me up
Jamie@TheMomGene recently posted…I Wrote a Book
Takes a bow. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
You know, I would be more than happy to help a friend or family member with their little one if they needed a break. Maybe I shouldn’t wait to be asked, but keep offering and offering, even if they say no first time round. I want to help!
Just wish I could come around and help you sometime lovely. Even if it is to bring coffee and treats!
Yes, keep on offering. People are so stubborn when it comes to asking for help.
I would love for you to come around with coffee and treats, although your company would be the highlight.
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
You know, this post topic is probably the farthest away from what I can empathize with yet I enjoyed reading every single word. Love your graphic language! Also, kudos to mentioning testicles within the first paragraph of a post about motherhood. I like how this makes the topic come full circle in a way ;-P
I think once you all got your sleep back you should write a book! Maybe that’s what you should do next career-wise!
Juli recently posted…So this was 2017!
A book…hmm, I’m intrigued.
This post was a fun one to write. While the topic is something I can relate to, it was more about the act of writing and I’m thrilled you were able to get/feel and see that despite the subject matter being something not near and dear to you. My day is officially made.
Meghan recently posted…How To Survive The Eighteen Month Sleep Regression
Are you trying to scare me?! I don’t think we have enough wine (should this situation ever arise)…
This is why you need to get on board with coffee. 🙂