I think it’s safe to say I’ve got a pretty high opinion of myself.
Enough to call myself #vanillagorilla, despite the fact I’m only 5’2.
Enough to feel like I’m qualified to give out healing advice, despite my distinct lack of any medical degree. Sadly, a simple belief that you know it all, doesn’t actually qualify you to know it all. I’m equally as shocked as you, and yet I still check my mail daily because obviously someone simply forgot to mail my credentials. Clerical error, I’m sure.
Yes, I come here today to share my thoughts (out loud Ms. Amanda) on ‘How to Combat the Plague.’ Oh and by plague, I mean general cold and/or flu-like symptoms. I use the word plague for its shock and awe effect because let’s be real, how to overcome the common cold doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
The tips I’m about to share do not address prevention (i.e. Take vitamin C daily, wash your hands often, don’t stick your fingers up your nose), but instead focus on how to proceed when you have been struck with the plague. Do these things and your recovery time will be much shorter than if you’re stubborn and refuse to take my very valid, although non-medically qualified, advice. Details, details.
How To Combat the Plague or Battle the Common Cold/Flu
- Drink plenty of fluids. Not beer, not booze, not coffee, just water. Straight up water.
- If your throat is on fire, then you can drink tea as well, preferable spiked with a touch of lemon juice and a dollop of honey. It will soothe the burning.
- If your stomach is in turmoil, eat ginger. It helps fight nauseous, can calm an upset stomach and even aids with digestion and the ‘backdoor trots.’ Despite my astounding level of immaturity, I can’t bring myself to say the D word on the blog, so ‘backdoor trots’ it is.
- Gargle with salt water. Daily, multiple times a day. Your mouth is a hotbed of filth right now, and I do mean the germy kind.
- Eat nutrient dense food. I know you’re probably not hungry, but eat anyway and make sure it’s nutrient dense. Giving your body optimum food allows it to focus all it’s resources on attacking the infection or virus, which means you’ll get better faster.
- If you have to ask someone for help (i.e. you don’t have any nutrient dense food in the kitchen or the stamina to prepare it), then do it. Your health is worth it and you’re friends, if they’re decent, should willing pick you up some soup with a side of veggies.
- If you’re congested, steam it out in the shower.
- If you can barely stand, sweat it out in the bathtub. The more you sweat, the more toxins you release from your pores.
- If you sweat it out, drink more fluids. H2O is tremendously important; rehydrate often.
- Do NOT sweat it out in the gym. In fact, don’t go anywhere near the gym. Take it easy and let your body focus entirely on combatting the plague and not on building muscle or sustaining cardio burns. The more energy you divert to other things, the longer it will take you to recover.
- Rest. Rest. Rest. This one is important. When I say rest, I mean you should be at home and horizontal, unless you are eating or drinking. If you can do those things while remaining horizontal, then I applaud you. Do not vacuum, do not clean the floors, water the plants or any other things on your To Do list. Just rest. Read a book, watch bad television, good television, movies…it doesn’t matter so long as you’re on your back. Somewhere in a different state, my Hubby is smiling over that last line.
- Sleep. Get lots of sleep. It’s seriously one of the best things you can do for yourself.
- Here’s another biggie. If you are sick, stay at home. Yes, yes, I’m sure there’s no possible way you could miss work, school or whatever it is you got going on; there’s a big project, meeting, deadline…it doesn’t matter, stay home, unless you’ve got a powwow with the Pope. Although truth be told, you want to stay far away from that guy too. Do you know much time he spends on planes, not to mention all the hand shaking he does? His phalanges are practically walkin’ vermin. Plus, he’s older and his immune system is very likely compromised. Can you image if you infected the Pope? C’mon now, you don’t want that on your conscience.
- Last, although certainly not least, if you’re really sick, go to the doctor already. They get paid to diagnosis this stuff, and I’ve heard some strange rumors they’re actually qualified to do so. Something about years of school, residencies and student loans.
There you have it, my friends. My sage and sound advice on how to Combat the Plague. If you follow these tips, you’ll be back on your feet in no time, dancing a jig, twerking or merely shaking your non-rhythmic ass around. Either way, you’ll be having a good time because you successfully managed to combat the plague in short order.
Now go forth and spread my pearls of wisdom. I’m off to check the mailbox for my new credentials.
How do you combat the flu or cold? Do you go to work or school, even though you know you should stay at home? What tips are in your arsenal?