I think it’s safe to say I’ve got a pretty high opinion of myself.
Enough to call myself #vanillagorilla, despite the fact I’m only 5’2.
Enough to feel like I’m qualified to give out healing advice, despite my distinct lack of any medical degree. Sadly, a simple belief that you know it all, doesn’t actually qualify you to know it all. I’m equally as shocked as you, and yet I still check my mail daily because obviously someone simply forgot to mail my credentials. Clerical error, I’m sure.
Yes, I come here today to share my thoughts (out loud Ms. Amanda) on ‘How to Combat the Plague.’ Oh and by plague, I mean general cold and/or flu-like symptoms. I use the word plague for its shock and awe effect because let’s be real, how to overcome the common cold doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
The tips I’m about to share do not address prevention (i.e. Take vitamin C daily, wash your hands often, don’t stick your fingers up your nose), but instead focus on how to proceed when you have been struck with the plague. Do these things and your recovery time will be much shorter than if you’re stubborn and refuse to take my very valid, although non-medically qualified, advice. Details, details.
How To Combat the Plague or Battle the Common Cold/Flu
- Drink plenty of fluids. Not beer, not booze, not coffee, just water. Straight up water.
- If your throat is on fire, then you can drink tea as well, preferable spiked with a touch of lemon juice and a dollop of honey. It will soothe the burning.
- If your stomach is in turmoil, eat ginger. It helps fight nauseous, can calm an upset stomach and even aids with digestion and the ‘backdoor trots.’ Despite my astounding level of immaturity, I can’t bring myself to say the D word on the blog, so ‘backdoor trots’ it is.
- Gargle with salt water. Daily, multiple times a day. Your mouth is a hotbed of filth right now, and I do mean the germy kind.
- Eat nutrient dense food. I know you’re probably not hungry, but eat anyway and make sure it’s nutrient dense. Giving your body optimum food allows it to focus all it’s resources on attacking the infection or virus, which means you’ll get better faster.
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- If you have to ask someone for help (i.e. you don’t have any nutrient dense food in the kitchen or the stamina to prepare it), then do it. Your health is worth it and you’re friends, if they’re decent, should willing pick you up some soup with a side of veggies.
Husband has the right idea ladies. We’d do well to follow suit.
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- If you’re congested, steam it out in the shower.
- If you can barely stand, sweat it out in the bathtub. The more you sweat, the more toxins you release from your pores.
- If you sweat it out, drink more fluids. H2O is tremendously important; rehydrate often.
- Do NOT sweat it out in the gym. In fact, don’t go anywhere near the gym. Take it easy and let your body focus entirely on combatting the plague and not on building muscle or sustaining cardio burns. The more energy you divert to other things, the longer it will take you to recover.
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- Rest. Rest. Rest. This one is important. When I say rest, I mean you should be at home and horizontal, unless you are eating or drinking. If you can do those things while remaining horizontal, then I applaud you. Do not vacuum, do not clean the floors, water the plants or any other things on your To Do list. Just rest. Read a book, watch bad television, good television, movies…it doesn’t matter so long as you’re on your back. Somewhere in a different state, my Hubby is smiling over that last line.
- Sleep. Get lots of sleep. It’s seriously one of the best things you can do for yourself.
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- Here’s another biggie. If you are sick, stay at home. Yes, yes, I’m sure there’s no possible way you could miss work, school or whatever it is you got going on; there’s a big project, meeting, deadline…it doesn’t matter, stay home, unless you’ve got a powwow with the Pope. Although truth be told, you want to stay far away from that guy too. Do you know much time he spends on planes, not to mention all the hand shaking he does? His phalanges are practically walkin’ vermin. Plus, he’s older and his immune system is very likely compromised. Can you image if you infected the Pope? C’mon now, you don’t want that on your conscience.
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- Last, although certainly not least, if you’re really sick, go to the doctor already. They get paid to diagnosis this stuff, and I’ve heard some strange rumors they’re actually qualified to do so. Something about years of school, residencies and student loans.
There you have it, my friends. My sage and sound advice on how to Combat the Plague. If you follow these tips, you’ll be back on your feet in no time, dancing a jig, twerking or merely shaking your non-rhythmic ass around. Either way, you’ll be having a good time because you successfully managed to combat the plague in short order.
Now go forth and spread my pearls of wisdom. I’m off to check the mailbox for my new credentials.
How do you combat the flu or cold? Do you go to work or school, even though you know you should stay at home? What tips are in your arsenal?
Incredible timing – I’m currently working at home (following yesterday’s threats from a co-worker, who didn’t want my cold this weekend, thank you) and according to my Fitbit, haven’t done more than 150 steps so far today! Does that count as resting? 🙂
Nope, it doesn’t count as resting if you’re actually working from home. Although staying home was a good idea. I hope you’re feeling better.
I’m extremely proud of the fact that I haven’t been sick with a cold or flu in at least 6+ years. I try to keep hush-hush about that fact, though, since I’m sure the Universe will strike me down with The Plague if I get too cocky.
These are all great tips and ones that I have in my arsenal as well. One that I have to add, though, is boiling a crushed up clove of garlic in some milk and then drinking it down with some honey. Tastes kind of vile, but it’ll cure anything. My mom used to torture me with those concoctions when I was younger, and I hate to admit that they really do work…
That’s incredible, and I just knocked on wood for you. What a fabulous streak.
Garlic, milk and honey…that’s a new one for me, although I know garlic is supposed to be great when you’re feeling under the weather. Thanks for sharing.
So weird…they forgot my credentials too. I am a self-declared maven I guess.
Agreed to all of the above. The man and I joke that you know you’ve reached a new level of comfort when you’re gargling in front of each other. It’s like farting and burping combined (both of which we surpassed by date 5).
You two are destined to be together forever!
Awesome advice! I find when I am ill that I need someone to tell me to just ‘stop’, otherwise I keep on going… She says sat in the office with a cold sneezing away…
Now see there you go extending that sickness and passing it along to others. My advice would be to go home immediately and face plant into your bed. 🙂
Alright, did it work?
This post was such great timing. I’m currently laid up in bed with flu like symptoms and it was so hard for me to call in sick today. I even tried working from home and then realized that wasn’t a good idea. Even though you aren’t a “doctor”, I feel some sort of relief knowing that it is ok to rest. So, thank you so much!
I’m glad to hear it, and I hope you are now on the mend and feeling better. Truly, I have learned the hard way, but it’s always better to stop and take care of yourself 100% when you are sick.
Wait I’m supposed to have credentials before I give advice… whoopsy
This is all fantastic advice especially the steamy baths, tons of ginger, and time on your behind, which BF would probably smile about as well.
Credentials, smedentials. They’re overrated or at least that’s what I say because I like to pass out advice like I’m giving away candy or veggies or something people give away often. 🙂
Thankfully I rarely get sick. I attribute this to the fact that I eat like a rabbit and move like a ninja. Seriously though, food is the best medicine..period. I will never be a doctor, but legit think I have a better grasp on nutrition/healing ways of eating than most MD’s. My dad is a doc, I feel qualified to make this assumption. HA.
Your dad is a DOC! Then you more than qualified Ms. Rabbit Eating, Ninja Moving health guru.
My motto when I’m sick is drink and piss. Water that is.
Rest is so underestimated, but also jumping back into things too soon- more often I see others or myself get slightly better, go back to doing 1000+1 things and boom…sick again.
Not sure if it’s an old wives tale but mum would say never have dairy when congested or red pepper flakes when a sore throat. Two things I blissfully ignore.
Premature recovery can set you back leaps and bounds. Yep, just rest for a couple of days and you’ll be back on your feet, making inappropriate innuendos (my favorite kind) in no time.
Your mom is right about the dairy. It’ll only make you more congested, although I’ve never heard the red pepper bit. It makes senses though.
“His phalanges are practically walkin’ vermin.” <- Bahaha! Love it! If I ever decide to write a biography on the Pope, that's going to be my tagline! I'll be sure to give you your 5%! 😉 And I love the meme about the balls! God, working in a hospital only serves as a reminder each and every day how men are just weenies! Haha!
When I'm combating the plague, I prepare my arsenal of vitamins, water, tea, and Emergen-C and break into the pantry for all the bland-tasting carby stuff! Because cereal, toast, and crackers is nutrient dense, right? It's vitamin C…for carb!!! 😀
I liked that line too. Glad someone else appreciated it, and I’m not at all surprised it was you.
I try to use the vitamin C arsenal as a preventative measure. I think once the plague hits, it’s too late right? Carbs certainly can’t hurt, especially if you’re dunking the thick and crusty bread into a bowl of warm soup.
Mmmm, thick and crusty bread in warm soup sounds fabulous right about now…yeah, totally freezing my arse off at the hospital! And I’ve even jacked up the thermostat in my work area! I’m about to go to the breakroom and fix a mug of hot water…just to hold my face over! Haha!
I think the vit C is more preventative, but I have this little vita-cocktail that I’ve sworn by since my days at GNC. At the first sight of flu buggies or what have you, I start up with my vitamin C, echinacea, garlic, and beta-carotene and in 3-5 days, I’m CURED! 😀
You had me at garlic. 🙂
How are you not a doctor?? 😉
I did almost every one of these except the food thing. I eat like crap when I’m sick which is probably one of the reasons it’s taking me so long to shake whatever it is I have!
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It still baffles me to this day. I keep checking the mail for those MD credentials.
I hope you are feeling better.
Feel better, girl!