Day in and day out, I am reminded by otherwise lovely and caring individuals why having children is a “game changer.”
Ignoring the wasted sports analogy, at least on me, is there anyone not already aware of this fact?
Let’s be real, this whole life altering business is the main reason I’ve shirked parenthood for years. The idea of giving birth to a tiny human and NOT having your life transformed in a ginormous way is more elusive than a tap dancing, winged unicorn wearing Chuck Taylors, which makes me wonder why friends and family alike feel compelled to repeatedly tell me.
I’ve done some thinking, which is always dangerous I know, and I’ve narrowed down their logic to two reasons: 1) They’re just so damn excited for me to join their club or 2) They’re nervous about my maternal instincts kicking in, so they’re prepping me the best way they know how. While I’m fairly certain their reasoning leans more towards the former and has nothing to do with me saying I will give the babe only a box and a wooden spoon, I figure it can’t hurt to ease their fears.
Therefore you should know, I’m not going into this whole motherhood business completely blind. I own cats, two of them at present and while they are no match for a tiny human, they have certainly prepped me for parenthood in a number of ways. Allow me to explain.
How Cats Have Prepared Me For Parenthood
Babies are the cat’s pajamas. It’s virtually impossible not to fall in love with those teeny tiny feet and their newborn smell.
The same is true of kittens. Their little bitty paws and furry bodies make my heart melt.
Babies wake you up at all hours of the night, wanting to be fed.
Your feline friends will too and without the structured confines of a crib. They jump on your head, run on closed doors, and knock things off your night side table until you meet their demands.
Babies make things like privacy and pooping in peace a thing of the past. I lost that years ago with Oscar.
In fact, cats have little to no regard for personal space. They believe your body is their temple, always; whereas breast feeding ends at some point in time unless you’re looking to set a world record.
Newborns bring with them a host of dirty diapers, blowouts, spit up, and projectile vomiting.
With your four legged friends, well they will lovingly puke on your new furniture five minutes after you’ve brought it into the house. You will step in wet fur balls more times than you can count; barefoot too.
I’ve been put to the test. I’ve wiped furry backsides since the fluffy one needs a little help, and I’ve cleaned my fair share of shit off the walls, the stairs, the floors, the carpet. You name it, Oscar’s managed to crap on it. I’m pretty sure he has IBS.
Which leads me to my next point. Babies and cats alike will drive you to drink, although the latter will steal your food too, the second you turn your back, and they’ll growl at you when you try to reclaim it. There will be days you will growl back.
Toddlers will bring you nonsensical crayon drawings, macaroni art, and popsicle picture frames which you will pretend is the next Mona Lisa, before sneaking it into the bin.
Cats will bring you rodents, hopefully dead. You will congratulate them on their prize before asking your spouse to get rid of the unwanted object.
You have to keep your eye on babies every single second.
On the flip side, you will find your felines are always watching you. They’re like ninjas, everywhere and nowhere all at once.
The similarities when it comes to tiny humans and furry friends are virtually endless.
They both throw tantrums.
They hoard the bed and all the covers.
Neither listens, especially when you tell them the counter is off limits.
They get into the most unusual of circumstances.
They cause you to lose sleep and worry all night.
And when it comes to control, we all know who’s really in charge.
Last, babes and felines alike will look at you like you’re the only one who matters, which is what makes it all worthwhile.
Thanks for letting me Think Out Loud today, Ms. Amanda.
How have your pets prepped you for parenthood?