I gaze downward, into her sweet, soft and finally peaceful face.
Her cheeks are flushed with fever. Her nose is pink and still running, even in sleep. I carefully wipe away the sticky streams of fluid, trying not to disturb her slumber, all while singing “Frere Jacques” in a near whisper. On good days, Ave would join me for the refrain. “Ding, dong, ding.” This is not a good day.
With each inconsolable cry, each howl hurled from her lips, I feel something crack inside of me. A chasm opens, and I ache for what I cannot fix.
When she hurts, I hurt.
Every so often, a wet cough struggles forth from her chest, causing her small limp limbs to spasm. I absorb each shock wave; her body is curled into mine on the rocking chair, head tucked into the nook of my left elbow, mouth on my breast, suckling even while she sleeps. I am all too happy to share myself.
Motherhood is more than this moment though.
It’s soaking in a steam shower with your child on your lap, urging them to blow their nose into your open hand, hoping to draw out the sickness that holds her whole being in its sinuous grasp.
It’s stepping out of the shower and letting water drip from your cold naked body, ignoring the mess and the warping of the wood floor, while you focus all your attention on your child.
It’s wrapping your arms around them and rubbing their back, mumbling words of comfort you both desperately need, while they cry and cling to your torso like a barnacle on the bottom of a weathered boat.
Quite simply, it’s making sure their needs are met, without a care for your own.
Motherhood is surrendering your entire being, knowing it will eat you alive and offering yourself anyway.
danielle says
February 7, 2018 at 2:09 PMsweet Ave!!! sending you all the decongestant energy.. hope she feels better asap. i think mother love is when you suck the snot out of your baby’s nose without hesitation. a nose frieda is mother’s love right there. i now use something similar but it works better, it is no joke and i am not gonna think twice about it. i will gladly take on my child’s sickness any day… just for her to feel good. i know ‘they’ say that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of another. that is some tough shit when your baby is sick! but it’s true. hope you are getting rest as well. xx
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:12 PMI’m trying to get some rest too. Thanks lovely, sending hugs and kisses your way.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender
Navya says
February 7, 2018 at 8:42 PMWow! I’m speechless. You put into words what I felt when my child was sick couple of weeks ago. Hope Ava feels better. Sending love & happiness to the both of you.
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:24 PMThanks Navya. I’m glad you’re little one is feeling better. Caring for a sick child can be so difficult.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender
Kirsten says
February 7, 2018 at 9:13 PMNailed it.
Kirsten recently posted…Asian Maple Sausage Meatballs (Gluten Free)
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:28 PMBlows kiss.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says
February 7, 2018 at 10:17 PM❤️❤️❤️❤️ Toughest job in the world.
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Week in Review
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:29 PMYes absolutely. Well said.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender
Cora says
February 8, 2018 at 8:48 AMYou are a wonderful – amazing – mother. ‘
Sending all my love for health and recovery for Ave, and rest and peace for you.
Cora recently posted…A New Approach on How To “Listen To Your Body”
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:29 PMThanks lovely. I appreciate your kind words.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender
Grandma Lala says
February 8, 2018 at 10:34 AMEvery mother knows. Perfectly said.
Meghan says
February 8, 2018 at 2:30 PMThank you! Blows kiss.
Meghan recently posted…Surrender