So I did something crazy.
No I didn’t get any more tattoos or pierce my nipples yet again. Ha, I’m totally kidding about that second one. While I like some bedroom (or kitchen or dining room table) foreplay, the idea of driving a fourteen gage needle through such a sensitive area makes me cringe even worse than discovering the dead chipmunk indoors, on my rug, earlier this week.
The crazy thing I did was sign up for this weekend long blogging retreat everybody is going on about. I don’t know; maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s called Blend which stands for Blogger + Friend. Yeah, I know. Yet another thing which makes me cringe; a little less than the nipple action, but cringe worthy nonetheless.
Aside from the cornball name (watch me get banned from the conference now), it sounds like it could be a really great time. There’s a huge potential for me to meet some very cool and like-minded (i.e. food obsessed) people, assuming of course they’re not all homicidal white fifty-seven year males posing as food bloggers on the internet. I have my doubts, especially about Heather. I know I met her that one time, but I have concerns. She had to leave early, under suspicious circumstances. I’m pretty sure the Po-Po was on her tail, and she needed to flee the city, fast.
So in case there were any similar thoughts about me, I’d thought I’d clear the air; Out Loud, and share some never known facts about little old me; aside from the small detail I’m a fifty-seven year old male posing as a food blogger. 😉
- I’m slightly shy, until I feel really comfortable around you, at which point, ♫ Watch out now. ♫ Sorry, I had to slip a little Beatnuts in there.
- Despite my penchant for singing, it’s likely I won’t be doing any of it. It takes months of me knowing you before I’ll just belt it out. Either that or a really strong cocktail and when it comes to those, two is about my limit; I’m little, which means I’m a cheap date.
- I’m a hot and red faced sweaty mess when I work out. Since fitness classes are a part of this retreat, you’re going to see this side of me. Brace yourselves.
#sweatybitchesrock #noshameinmygame #vanillagorilla
- I cheat on my squats and lunges, and I will continue to do so, even if you try to correct my form.
- I don’t have six-pack abs. I don’t even have a two pack and my thighs touch. Despite those things or maybe because of them, I’m in great shape and incredibly healthy. Since I just got the results of my annual physical, blood work and all, I get to say that. My doctor said my kidneys were comparable to that of a small child. It’s probably all those beet juice mimosas I drink.
- I’m a bookworm at heart. Every night, I fall asleep with my Kindle still in my clutches, generally in mid-sentence and with my little Kindle light still on.
- I’ve been known to hiss when I want to express displeasure. It’s possible, albeit only slightly, I’ve been living with felines for too long.
- Sometimes I sleep with my foot next to my head. I’m not sure how the logistics work, but it happens.
- You should probably let me have my morning coffee before attempting conversation with me.
(source)
- Speaking of conversation, I’m not one for small talk so let’s just get right to the heart of the matter. I also prefer direct and decisive communication whenever possible.
(source)
- If you want me to last past 10 o’clock on any given night, chances are I’ll need a nap during the day.
- I can sleep through almost anything, and sometimes I do it with my eyes open while muttering, because that’s not at all creepy.
- Even though I’m a sound sleeper, I can’t make it through the night without using the bathroom at least once, and that’s on a good night.
- I really do appreciate order and precision in my general surroundings. If you want to live out of your suitcase that’s cool with me, just make sure it doesn’t assault mine. For my part, I promise, despite a desperate desire to do so, not to organize your stuff.
- I’m a fixer. If you want to tell me your problems, that’s all well and good. I will be genuinely nice and understanding, but I’m also going to give you solutions to correct them. Sometimes that’s great and sometimes people don’t actually want resolutions.
- Even though I joke about the size of my inflamed ego all the time, it will be able to fit into any room just fine.
(source)
- According to the Hubby, I’m a big old softie underneath my tough exterior. I say Bullshit to that; ain’t nothing soft about me, except that tiny and cute patch on my inner thigh. I call her Duchess, and I just made that up.
- If you need support, I’m your girl. I’m incredibly loyal and will have your back, always, even when you do stupid shit. Plus, you want me on your side in a fight. I may be an advocate for non-violence and think guns are overrated, but I’ve got a mean right hook and because I’m little, they never see it coming.
Yep, it’s safe to say we’re going to have a blast. Now who’s coming with me?
Are you going to Blend? Am I crazy for doing this? Tell me something, anything, that people don’t already know about you. Bonus points if it makes me laugh.
and here I thought it was some smoothie-making conference.
You totally get bonus points for that one.
I seriously can’t wait to meet you at Blend. What you might not know about me is that I’m actually a fifty-SIX year old male posing as a cute female food blogger, but I’m neat and tidy so we should get along just fine, right? 😉 Seriously, though? Omg can’t wait… I should really get around to renewing my passport though 😆
You and I should get along great in the morning. Both sitting silently with our coffee and our thoughts (maybe a list, a book or two).
Go renew that passport!!
I can do the splits all three ways. BOOM!
That’s incredibly impressive. That center one is a bitch.
I have the solution for getting over the initial shyness…we can just show each other our nipple rings and then all ice is broken. Works every time!
Wish I were going to blend but if you’re ever curious about when I’m like in person, take my blog and times it by 10…I’m overwhelming and then some. Just ask Arman…
It was so overwhelming, it no longer is anymore. I think all barriers are broken. I wish I was joking.
Now there’s an ice breaker for sure.
I’m a cougar. This can be proven by the cougar town ad my friend mocked up with our faces for my birthday. Roar!
What a fabulously funny card.
LOL…this could totally be a description of me (except the ocd neat part).
We’re going to get along great!
I am jealous you are going to Blend! I totally want to go, but I am kind of super poor, with massive school loans and now a car payment with no full time job lined up… I know sad about to graduate college student story!
I am also really shy until you get to know me and then I won’t shut up! And a cheap date as well, give me a glass of wine and I will be talking non stop in quite a loud voice!
That’s too bad, although I bet you’ll get a chance at going one year. Right now I imagine finding a job and a way to pay the bills has to take precedence.
YASS! I get to blend with you! (eh, that sounds a tad sexual) But I don’t come close to that nipple google search I read half asleep on instagram this morning. Needless to say, I chuckled under my half asleep-ness breath and sounded like an old make wheezing and giving birth. Attractive right? I bet I am totally convincing you to want to meet me in person haha, I digress.
“Um, yeah sure,” she says while backing away slowly. 😉
Just Kidding; it’ll be great to meet you although you might want to get your breathing in check before then. Kidding again. Sort of. 😉
you know i will be hugging you at blend! and then you can feel awkward and that will be part of your next Thinking out Loud Series.
p.s.
Love beets
I suspect I come up to your waist, which might make for an awkward hug, but hey if you’re game…. 🙂
Booo!! I’m jealous that all the cool kids (mostly you) are going to Blend this year… me I’ll be having my own retreat whilst packing all my stuff to move.
Weird human trick of the day is that I can “swallow” my tongue, which is great for impressing my students 😉 Also I hate hardboiled eggs, not as weird but equally personal.
I will think of you when I’m there. Maybe you could send me a pocket Sarah Pie doll, and I can carry it around with me. It’ll be the new Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t even know what to say about the tongue thing. I’m speechless, and that rarely happens.
I totally thought about going to Blend, but then I saw the list of people going and I know NONE of them. There were two people I wanted to meet..you..and spoons. SO I decided maybe fate will bring us three together at some other time. I think you will have a blast!
So you’re saying Spoons and I aren’t enough for you!! Is that right?! I call shenanigans. I would love it if you were there. For real, it’d make my year, and I’d even try to sneak Max in for you.
I REALLY wanted to go to Blend- I was actually planning on centralising my America trip around it but alas…no can do with work.
I can attest to many things you have claimed there- especially the last point. Since moving to Sydney, you have been an incredible support- much more than you’d think.
Ex oh, your 58* year old male posing as a food blogger. Something people don’t know about me? Well….the gelato flavours I posted I tried on Thursday? I just thought they were fancy names. But no. apparently they are people from GOT.
To hell with this work stuff. Come to Blend. It’ll be almost all your favorite peeps in one place. Plus, I’ll be there. 😉
Awww I’m so glad I was able to help. You know I got your back.
GoT gelato flavors. Man, I gotta read this post already!
Blend always sounds like fun both before and after. I would Love to go but current health issues (some really achy old bones) and finances(…saving all my pennies for our Move!!) won’t allow it right now. Hope to make it some day! I know you’ll give a full, incredibly detailed and hilarious report when you get back. Have a great time, Meghan!
Thanks Fran. It would be wonderful if you could go; I bet we could find a diner in Park City and happily eat cheesy omelets all the live long day.
That would be great, Meghan! We’ll get together sometime! Have a great weekend!
From your description you sound like one hell of a fun person to be at a retreat with! I’m cranky after 10pm without a power nap and can’t hold conversation without my morning coffee..
Oh and the fact your thighs touch – I think most of us who are strong/fit/sporty have touching thighs..I know it’s out of fashion but I rather like it!
Have a great time 🙂
Amen to the thighs touching. We are a dying yet fabulous breed.
What are some of your favourite books?
Um random. I have way too many to pick a favorite and my literary tastes range far and wide: from chick lit to Stephen King to Maya Angelou to GoT to cookbooks. How about you?
I was just wondering because I really love the way you write – I was hoping that I could follow in your literary footsteps lol.
The best advice I ever got about writing was from a high school English teacher. She said to write what you know, meaning write about your life or things which have impacted your life in some way. If your heart is in it, people will see how genuine you are and the rest will flow from there. I hope that helps; best of luck to you.
I’m going to Blend and it’s my first time too! No fear. I’m sure it will be fine. I’m not much of a social bug either. I like my alone time. You can always escape with me.
I’ve already told the Fit Habit, we can sit together awkwardly and not talk. It’ll be perfect.
I’m looking forward to meeting you.
I feel like this should come with a warning sticker at the top, but despite that it just made me love you more all the same 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one to find the word Blend cringe-worthy (although I will admit to the marketing genius behind the name for promotional purposes, so A+ for that). I hope you have a fantastic time at Blend and Heather doesn’t pull you into her shenagigans that will force you to join the Witness Protection Program and legally acquire that name Ducchess.
I never know what to say when someone asks something about me. This interal dialogue goes on in my head with one side saying “That would be funny, say it!” and then the other arguing back “No way you dork, that will make you sound deranged.” So there’s that. I guess something you may not know about me is that I’m pretty shy too in real life, especially when I know absolutely no one around.
My dear Madison, I would love to meet you in real life. You know that, right? I’m pretty sure I’ve told you many times. I especially want to meet the dorky side of you; I’m betting it’s your left side. I always look better from my left too.
Dammit woman, didn’t I tell you to keep quiet until I had secured a good shady lawyer?! Wait, how do you knoooooow you met me? That could’ve just been a girl I paid off and bugged while I sat in an unmarked van a block from your house and told her what to say the whole time. Maybe I’m incredibly flattered if you think that I’m a 57 year old man, but I’m actually a 76 year old woman…who used to be a man. 😉
And seriously, anyone who knows ANYTHING knows that it’s actually C-D-O…c’mon, alphabetical order people! Geez!
Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli recently posted…One Word: WEEKEND!
I knew it! This whole time you’ve been playing at being a food blogger. AHA!
Just as I suspected.