Clean Eats, Fast Feets

You are here: Home / Reflections / Confessions of a Sick Individual

Confessions of a Sick Individual

by 40 Comments

When I say ‘sick individual,’ I don’t mean in a dark and twisty Meredith Grey type way, although we certainly know that’s in my veins too.

I simply mean I still have the plague, which is rather unfortunate since hubris is making me eat my words. Stupid, shoddy immune system.

This illness is absolutely inopportune, completely bothersome, wholly unnecessary and a bunch comical. Alright fine, it might not be roll on the floor type funny, but if we can’t laugh at ourselves in the dark times, when can we laugh at ourselves? Sure, sure the obvious answer is the happy times, and ya know what? I’ve been there and done that already, which is why I find it more worthwhile to see the humor when things aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Hence the reason for today’s post: Confessions of a Sick Individual.

Thanks for letting me think Out Loud Ms. Amanda.

Web MD Sick

(source)

1) I went through two boxes of tissues. On Monday.

2) I found out the Sudafed they keep behind the pharmacy counter is the good stuff. You just have to sign your life away and promise not to make meth in order to get it. Since I was a horrible Chemistry student, I had no problems doing either.

3) Sometimes I blow my nose so forcefully, I also pass wind. It was shocking to me the first time it happened. The seventeenth time, not so much.

4) I’ve had entire days where I can’t breathe from my nostrils, which hasn’t stop me from trying. It also means I sound like a bear charging a small Woodlawn creature.

Nostrills Clogged Sick

(source)

5) Speaking of sounds, when I blow my nose, it’s louder than a gaggle of geese flying overhead. Honking might be a more apt term. I’ve scared Oscar countless times now.

6) I am living on soups, smoothies and bananas. Mmm bananas.

7) I ran the entire dishwasher last night with only four things in it because I couldn’t bear to hand wash the blender. I know, I know, I’m turning in my Eco Friendly Green Card now.  

8) I coat my chest in enough Vick’s VapoRub each night to the point where I resemble a slip n slide.

9) I ate vitamins that fell on the floor, which is never a good thing in a house with two cats.

Sound of Music Sick

(source)

10) I spend half my days with tissues jammed up my nose. It’s super hot and certainly efficient. You can give me my Green Card back now, or not since…. 

11) My nightly routine involves sitting in a steaming hot shower until the water runs out and I’m left shivering and limp, like a wet noodle which has been cooked too long.  

12) I’ve read all your lovely comments on my last post announcing my sad and sorry state, although I haven’t responded to a single one. Forgive me.

13) Last night, an equally urgent need to pee and wipe my nose awoke me from my slumber. Since I had snot running down my face like the River Nile, I opted to blow first. It was the wrong judgment call.  

Blow Your Nose Sick

(source)

14) Cherry flavored cough syrup goes down worse than whiskey.

15) I’ve lost all sense of appropriateness, although let’s be totally honest. That actually happened years ago.

Your turn. Tell me one really embarrassing sick story. I won’t reveal your secret to anyone. I promise.

Comments

  1. Michele @ paleorunningmomma says

    Oh man this sounds like a horrible bug! Nothing you can do but rest, and joke about it of course. Sending hugs and holding up signs for your immune system! Hang in there! Also love the web md thing, seriously every symptoms will tell you at the end that you could be dying 🙂
    Michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…WIAW: Off My GameMy Profile

    Reply

  2. Tara says

    I’ll refer you back to Exhibit A, my harrowing food-poisoning-in-Southeasst-Asia experience for awful sick stories.

    I’m hope you’re treating yourself to Puffs with Lotion. With that two-a-day habit you got going on, you definitely deserve it.

    Reply

  3. Brittany says

    All rules for being appropriate go out the window when sick. Hell, when born. This is the rough and tumble kind of sick, when I can’t breath through my nose I loose my shit. Give me congestion and a head cold any day (actually please don;t) but no air through my nose holes makes me HOSTILE.

    I don’t have a sick confession but I have another confession that’s sick..how about that? I really enjoy putting peppermint and lavender oils in my water. Not together, but you get the idea. Well, I can no longer use peppermint oil because I discovered (like a high tech spy) it was the culprit behind my gas and a couple messy farts. You’re welcome.
    Brittany recently posted…Early Morning ConfessionsMy Profile

    Reply

    • Meghan says

      I haven’t worn my retainers in days. No nose breathing means no mouth of metal. My teeth are shifting!!

      Love your confession. Messy farts is way worse than my present illness. I’ll make sure to keep the peppermint oil far away when you to Cleveland.
      Meghan recently posted…Confessions of a Sick IndividualMy Profile

      Reply

  4. Amanda @ .running with spoons. says

    I’m sorry to hear that the bug doesn’t want to let you go, but I’m -happy- to hear that you haven’t lost your sense of humour in the process. I haven’t been sick in way too long (knock on wood), so I don’t really have any good confessions that I can remember, but I will say that I’m a HUGE hypochondriac, so I always assume the worst of even the tiniest little ailment. That’s why I won’t let myself on Web MD…
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. the one thing you HAVE to do in maui .My Profile

    Reply

  6. Suzy says

    When I was about 8 months pregnant with my daughter Katie (10 years ago) I went for my daily walk/run and right near the end of it I started to feel really nauseous which quickly evolved into an immediate urge to go poo (the pressure from the baby was right on my bum). I broke out into a cold sweat. I stood still and squeezed my bum cheeks together and shuddered. Then I started walking, but with each step came an ever more emergent urge to poo at which point I realized that it was going to come out no matter what. Unfortunately I was in the middle of a subdivision and I had nowhere to hide. All I could do was duck into someone’s front/side yard, whip my pants down just in the nick of time and poop in their garden. I tidied up with some leaves, my heart pounding with fear and then took off for home. There. You suddenly feel better about farting while sneezing, right?
    Suzy recently posted…Woozy Wednesday: BittersweetMy Profile

    Reply

  7. Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says

    Oh dear Meghan! Wish I lived nearby and could take you some soup… Or just replenish your banana bowl (because let’s be honest, it’s not really a fruit bowl, bananas rule the roost!)
    Will you at least be getting hubby hugs and compassion this weekend??
    Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday!My Profile

    Reply

  10. Lily says

    Earlier this month, I had a terrible cold for almost three weeks straight. Part of this awesomeness included a lot of coughing. Forceful coughing. Every time I would cough a little pee would come out. I had to get some poise pads and do a lot of laundry.

    I hope you get better quickly!

    Reply

  13. danielle says

    ugh you poor creature!!!! you are absolved for lack of replies, of course your health and immune system are top of the list. you are loved, and your minions, followers, and fans understand. i’m grateful you are coherent enough to type, and actually do a nice job at it. i’m a bit jealous actually, i know if i’m out of sorts, typing can be challenging… or sometimes it’s entertaining. good point.
    there are too many embarrassing things i’ve done in my 36 years of life to choose a good one, but two come to mind immediately. firstly, about 10 years ago, my ex and i were in a very bad patch and going through some major shite to put it bluntly. at a russian bday party, he got me drunk with a bottle of vodka. i passed out and peed on him in my sleep. he FREAKED out… wuss.
    secondly, my wedding night. i fell asleep (okay passed out) and my drunk hubby thought i was dead, so called 911. they came and rushed me to the ER while i was passed out. i woke up with a little dude beating on my chest to wake me up… i was barely over the legal limit but passed out due to exhaustion – hello, i got married and planned a wedding myself. that will knock anyone out, non?

    Reply

    • Meghan says

      One more confession: this entire blog post came to me as I sat steaming in the shower last night. Inspiration hits at the weirdest of times.

      I love your stories, and at least now you can always say you peed on your ex. That’s awesome.
      Meghan recently posted…Confessions of a Sick IndividualMy Profile

      Reply

  14. Shannyn says

    Yeah I admit it. I’m totally laughing. Because we’be all been dere. Heh.
    Seriously though take care of yourself. You know. The fluids. The resting. The stuff you’ve been doing. xoxoxo
    Shannyn recently posted…On Vacation!My Profile

    Reply

  15. Miss Polkadot says

    Is there anything comparable to rain dance only to make illnesses go away? I’m a terrible dancer but I’d do it to help you. Sorry that nasty bug won’t leave you.
    Anything-slightly-appealing-sounding-flavoured cough syrup is a lie. Or at least my mum made me believe it as a child and while my friends got the fun stuff I had to chug the nasty tasting one. Bad luck for my mum when she once force-fed me a spoon and I couldn’t even keep it in my mouth for a second … I also remember one incident of biting my mum’s ear as she picked sick little me up from my bed at night when I was a very wee little one. Wow, I sound like a terrible child now and it’s my fault if you decide you never want to have children. They’d be cute, though, so reconsider, ‘kay?!
    Miss Polkadot recently posted…Good good links #83My Profile

    Reply

  17. danielle says

    in honor of your germalicious state, i created a smoothie to battle castle greyskull:

    Megan’s Meet Your Maker Smoothie

    a banana (duh)
    splashy splash nut milk of choice
    a few kale leaves
    1/2 cup-ish of tart cherry juice (the ass kicker!)
    1/4 cup shredded coconut
    1/3 cup slivered almonds
    pinches of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg

    blend till smooth, and sip… and fabulize yo self

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.