I never thought I’d be blogging about babies and buns in the proverbial oven.
The actual oven, yeah that’s a different story.
I used to prattle on about food and sometimes even fitness, although these days neither is happening in my world. I’m better acquainted with the guy who makes tater tots in the lobby of my office building than my actual stove, and I could count on one hand the number of times I’ve hit the gym hard since last September. I could also count on one set of phalanges the number of times I’ve engaged in lascivious wassails in that same period, which is an entirely different and tragic tale. Needless to say, I’m a little backed up.
The other thing I’m critically aware of right now is harboring a tiny fugitive inside your actual person is tough fucking work, and since I write what I know, it means I’m sharing pregnancy bits and bobs today, Out Loud, of course.
For hard fought rabbit turds and giggles, I thought it’d be fun to share some things you really shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman, especially one completely entrenched in her third trimester. Let’s be honest, we’re not exactly dealing with a shining star of rationality and with all sorts of crazy hormones pumping through her veins, can you blame her? Of course not.
Things You Shouldn’t Say To a Pregnant Woman
“You’re too small.” “You look bigger than me than when I was pregnant.” “It’s about time you started to show.”
Whether she’s as big as circus tent or as tiny as a miniature poodle, she isn’t feeling entirely fantastic about her body so abstain from any and all comments about her size.
“Maybe you should cross your legs?” “That’s not very lady like.”
Do you really think we enjoy sitting here like Al Bundy sans beer with a leaky crotch? Um no, if our legs are spread it’s because we can’t physically close them anymore, and yes we realize it’s how we got into this mess.
“Are you sure you should eat that?” “Do you think you’re getting enough nutrients?” “Wow, you sure love those bagels.” “It’s nice to see you finally eating some greens.”
Hello, wintertime pregnancy right here. It’s not exactly salad season and even if it was, it’s none of your business.
“Can I touch it?”
If you have to ask, the answer is No.
“You’re gestating love right now.” “Aren’t you excited?” “You will never know a greater love than this.”
No, but I did just vomit a little in my mouth, and it’s not because of the heartburn.
“Holy crap, your boobs are huge.”
Actually this one doesn’t bother me at all. Keep those comments coming.
“That’s so weird. My pregnancy was super easy.”
Bully for you.
“What are you going to do about the cats?”
If you have to ask, you don’t know me at all, and therefore we shouldn’t be talking.
Any question which comes with a side of judgement. “Are you going to let the baby sleep with you?” “Will you breastfeed?” “Are you using cloth diapers?” “Will you be delivering naturally?” “When are you going to child proof the house?”
Gee, I thought I’d hand the baby my sharpest scissors and let her play at the top of the stairs. It worked for me growing up.
“When are you having a second?”
Holy cow, slow down people. I haven’t even managed to birth the one in my belly yet.
“Enjoy XYZ now because you’ll never see it again.”
Gee, thanks for that ray of sunshine.
“Are you ready?”
Is anyone really?
Are you guilty of any of these? What are some of the craziest things you were asked when you were pregnant?
The craziest thing I got asked happened after the kid came out, and in fact after he’d had a smattering of brain surgeries which resulted in ?-shaped and backwards ?-shaped scars on his head. He was not one of the newborns with a full head of hair, though, so the scars were quite prominent for a long time.
Someone asked if he was delivered via forceps.
I understood her intent and answered that, no, he’d been a scheduled C/S and has Spina Bifida and several VP shunt surgeries is all.
I’m so glad I commented on your boobs. They really are huge. Not like you’re actively doing anything to make them big but still. Impressive.
They’re even bigger now. I definitely need to weigh them again.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Ha my favorite is what are you going to do with the cats. If you have to ask you don’t know me so we shouldn’t be talking. Hahahah thanks for the smile today
Thank you for the smile on Saturday. I owe you one.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
This is a piece of fine comedy because it’s true tragedy!
Though compeltely unrelated I feel with you. There are some conditions and situations pragnancy being one of them where people start to behave as if there were no boundaries. Since when is it okay to comment on any private things?
I love this. I see you’re gearing up to be a sassy mommy blogger 😉 And I like your Darwinistic approach on parenting. I am looking forward to reading more 🙂
Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Currently April
P.S. Remind me to tell you the story when my little 2 year old niece and I were discussing pregnancy in public 😛
Juli@1000lovelythings recently posted…Currently April
The Darwinistic parenting approach, I like the sound of that. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
What will you be doing with the cats?! HA HA HA! Classic.
My belly was always small (it measured small) so I had to keep getting those ultrasounds to make sure the babies were growing. They were. In fact, Callum was born a day before 36 weeks and he weighed 8 lb. But during the whole process the doctor would tell me to eat more cheeseburgers and I was like, I AM! But my belly stays the same size and my butt keeps getting bigger. Bodies are weird.
Suzy recently posted…Growing Green
Callum was 8 pounds at 36 weeks!! Damn, that’s impressive.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
It’s amazing to me how people think it’s okay to just say and ask whatever when a woman is pregnant. Alas, I never got the “You’re too small” comments. Instead, I had people looking at me in horror because they were genuinely in fear that I was going to drop the baby right then and there. Admittedly, I was huge, though… like I should have had triplets or at least twins in there. http://www.dinosandbunnies.com/week-38-2/
I seriously miss pregnancy boobs, though… they were my favorite.
Heather recently posted…The Last of the Soda
Yep, I got the you’re too small comments, which I found equally as annoying as the you’re too big comments. How about I’m like Goldilocks? Just right! 😉
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
I’m dying at that graphic! Hahaha.
I agree with ALL of these! In my last few weeks, I had so many comments about my size, how low I was carrying, and that I wouldn’t make it any longer (Um, what am I dying?! And why would you suggest my baby will come early as if that’s a GOOD thing?!) that it really affected me! I was paranoid!
I totally get that pregnancy sparks this interest from other people – and a curiosity and desire to share/bond that nothing else does – but I have never understood how it’s ok to comment on a woman’s body/sex life/reproductive life/etc simply because she’s pregnant. It’s my body and my baby, fools!
Thanks for making me laugh, girl! And all the best in the remainder of your pregnancy!
Thanks Catherine. People just lose their filter around pregnant women; it’s the craziest thing, which is made even more awkward by the fact we’re already super hormonal. Good times. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Oh god. Not a mother yet nor pregnant, but I can so understand all these comments. Getting married this summer and intending to start a family soon after and ALREADY getting questions about what our parenting style will be. At lot like yours by the sound of it! 🙂
Just dreading the boobs thing…I already get comments like that, and all the women in my family go up 3/4 cup sizes in pregnancy – going to need some serious scaffolding! At least I’ll have a massive stomach to rest them on I suppose! 🙂
Congratulations! Weddings are fun, maybe not the planning part, but the whole final act bit.
Also, one of the great things about the big boobs is they tend to minimize the belly. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
You will really love the questions after the baby comes out and you dare leave your house. By the time I had my second I didn’t care, but still, glad to not have to chat with strangers anymore 🙂
The most bizarre comment I received right after giving birth the first time via c-section came from the assistant doctor at the birth who told me once I was all sewn up (as the other doctor was literally sewing me up) I’d fit right back in my size 0’s. I was numb from the chest down with a premature baby to care for, emotional and wanting to puke, but size 0’s, of course! Thanks!
michele @ paleorunningmomma recently posted…What I Call Productive, Owning the Cloud and You Took a Picture of What?
Oh my god, I can’t believe they were commenting on fitting into size zero pants at that moment. Poor timing to say the least.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
My personal favorite is ‘how are you’ ‘oh pretty good but XYZ kinda hurts’ ‘oh well just you wait it’s going to get so much worse!!!’ Like, thanks, that’s really encouraging.
Andrea @ pencils and pancakes recently posted…Pregnancy Update: 20-21 Weeks
Yes!! The oh just wait comments are the worst. Thanks for that ray of sunshine. Ha!
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
I am not guilty of asking these questions but I am nice and normal and smart! omg. someone asked me friend last week if she was having twins or triplets. she is only having one baby – why are people so rude? And stupid? lol There was one lady in my office who I wasn’t even that friendly with who would touch my stomach. I hated it!
meredith @ cookie chrunicles recently posted…Thinking Out Loud 4.7.16
I can’t even imagine suggesting to someone there is one than one baby in their belly. People are crazy.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Oh ma, I love this so much. I just had my second, and it brought back all of these stupid things people say. Though, the second time around barely any strangers said anything to me – it may have been the angry face while chasing a toddler that scared them off. At my old job, my old boss would say some variation of” Are you sure it’s not twins? Might want to have your doctor check your due date! or Out of the way, she needs room! to me. Every.single.day.
I would have probably harmed your old boss. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
You followed my advice. #winning
We talk so much about this all and little Miss Meg, that I have no questions 😉
And anyway, we got too much to talk about, there is no time for questions. And as mentioned, I know it all. And I own it. Yeah Baby. I am the virtual labor coach.
Luce@FitSwissChick recently posted…Things I do to stay healthy and happy
You were my virtual labor/pregnancy coach! You’re amazing and I love you.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
I love your candidness lady. Hang in there and thanks for the wisdom to impart on one whom has yet to be in the spot you are!
Jayne recently posted…WIR #14: Monday Thoughts and Food.
Key word being yet because I know you will be an amazing mother when you’re ready to take that plunge.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Hahaha I can’t believe people think it’s ok to ask questions and make comments like these! Obvs never been pregnant but I was asked if I have kids one time… when I was 17 (and I look 17 now at 26, so you can imagine how young I looked 9 years ago). Pretty sure my response was “Wtf?!?”
Hope you’re doing well!
Chelsea A recently posted…Tropical Mango Coconut Energy Balls
People are definitely crazy especially since you don’t look a day over 20. #goodgenes
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Haha I still can’t believe some folk actually think it’s ok to say these things, like having children suddenly means you are so high and mighty in being able to comment on the lives and pregnancies of others… :-S
Then again these are the people who also comment on the life of David and I and how it’s ‘such a shame’ we aren’t enriching our marriage with children… Urgh….
But I can honestly say that I have never thought any of the above you listed, apart from your boobs, they are huge and that’s pretty fricken awesome 😀
Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Promoting health #worldhealthday2016
The Hubby and I used to get the parenting thing all the time. We just shrugged it off since it was never going to happen. Oh, how things have changed. 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Oh gosh. I’ll never understand the thinking process that goes on in peoples’ heads when asking questions. They should know that with their hormone levels, pregnant women would have no problem kicking some serious ass if you annoy them. At least I know I wouldn’t.
Gestating love. Barf is right.
Cora recently posted…The World of a Super-Feeler: Parenting a Child Through Difficult Emotions
Exactly. Being felt more like a parasite had taken over my body. Gestating love my ass. 😉
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Your sass cracks me up, Meg!
What happened to the good, old-fashioned, “congratulations.” That seems like a good way to go.
Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Curry Carrot Chickpea Burgers (low-FODMAP, gluten-free, vegan)
Exactly right. Congratulations is a much better way to go.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
YES YES YES to all of these! I have no idea why common courtesy flies out of the window for some people when they see a pregnant woman and all of a sudden they think they can say whatever they like.
Gestating love? Who comes up with that?!?! Hahaha!
Kristy @ Southern In Law recently posted…Recent Things: Date Nights, Birthday Celebrations and Childhood Dreams
Yep, gestating love my ass. 🙂 🙂
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Accuracy on my predictions is no given but I’d say that you’re the best pregnancy/mum-to-be/mum blogger out there. Setting high standards for a new generation of mum bloggers. Though I’m also pretty sure you wouldn’t want to wear that label ;). Vanilla gorillas are a fabulous species of their own.
Add to the list: “You’re gaining weight only around yourstomach so it’ll be a boy!” vs. “You’re gaining all around – it’s a girl!” While I obviously haven’t personally experienced it yet just about everybody felt inclined to bring their wisdom on this one to my sister. She was even more annoyed since she waited to find out the gender after birth.
But seriously: people really say all of these things???? I can’t even decide which is the worst. Or maybe that about the second baby. Oh, sure, you and the hubby will get to work at that right after this one is mostly sleeping through the night. Oh gee. Be prepared for lots of unwanted advice to come once the baby is there …
Miss Polkadot recently posted…No-bake Chocolate Orange Fudge Blondies
I keep hearing the lovely advice and crazy comments will only get worse once the baby is here (which she is now 🙂 ), but I’m just gonna keep doing me. Maybe it’ll give me some more blog fodder.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
I read this yesterday and had soooooo many comments. In the interest of not falling off the elliptical, I didn’t get a chance to leave them.
Given recent events, only one comment is still relevant… holy shit, your boobs are huge.
xoxo
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…5 Minute Mango-Blueberry Egg White Oats [Recipe]
My boobs are even bigger now. It’s bananas.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Ah yes, a classic Meghan spin on the topic. Fantastically written per usual. I think you look lovely, and could hear you saying all these things to the annoying questions askers. MIND YO BIZ PEOPLE. No, no one is ever really ready. The beauty of life right?
The beauty of life indeed. You just have to take it as it comes because whatever you decide, it always has another plan for you.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
i can officially say that i’m so late at responding, you birthed a baby already. wooooowzers!
honestly, i’m tired of people telling me i don’t look pregnant enough. that’s not nice and makes me feel weird. i can’t help what’s going on and just happy for a healthy baby so far….
i love you and can’t wait to see more nugget pics!! <3
danielle recently posted…To Nourish
People told me all along how my stomach wasn’t big enough either so I can relate. The baby is healthy and that’s all that matters, regardless of what size your body chooses to take.
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Mini Vanilla Gorilla Edition (#26)
Dude I never know what to say to pregnant gals because it really IS a sensitive topic!! I’m sure I’ve asked the “are you ready” question but it seems like something you can ask to start or not start the conversation…like it lets the gal guide the conversation (if that makes any sense). Oh and always say “you look amazing!” But omg that graphic!!
I think my biggest fear (aside from birthing a human) about pregnancy is people wanting to touch my stomach…gah. Noooooo
Excited to read your other baby vanilla gorilla posts!
Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut recently posted…VEGGIE AVOCADO PINEAPPLE SMOOTHIE [ REVIEW + COUPON ]
My biggest fear was pooping while in labor. Ha!!
Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: Newborn by Numbers (#27)
Hahaha 😀
Very funny but very true. Thankfully I am not guilty of any and thanks to you I won’t be in future either! 😀
I’m glad you like the post Emma.
Trundling down the hallway at my office 2 days before my due date and people were STILL asking me: “You haven’t had that baby yet?!?”
Yes. Yes I HAVE had the baby. Then I shoved it back in and came to work to listen to your bullshit.
By the way – the comments laced with judgement just never stop coming. This is why you need an arsenal of badass chicks who think similar to you to insulate you from the shenanigans. Trust me. We are pack animals – even us introverted ones – and nothing beats a quality herd of uteruses to help you get through it.
Oh how I’ve missed your comments. It’s so good to hear from you Lindsey!!! I promise to surround myself with judgement free uteruses. 🙂