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Health Trends I Hate

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I am the definition of irony: a healthy living blogger talking about the health trends she hates. 

Granted, hate is a strong word and reserved for the likes of head lice, gonorrhea and Donald Trump. He’s a poor excuse for a human being, and I’d happily ingest all the foods I’m about to mention if only he were to crawl back into his lily white hole.

My point is these health trends may ruffle my feathers or put my knickers in a knot, but they’re no match for our current political mess, so if you want to wrap your arms around these body boosting bits and bobs, have at it. I won’t even give you the side eye; much.

Health Trends I Hate

Quinoa: I know, I know. It’s a super food, the plant protein god, manna from Heaven, but it sure doesn’t taste like much and the texture rivals a dirt bath. I might as well be eating a dried out mud pie. Believe me, I have tried, time and time again, to love this grain of goodness, but I can’t do it, unless it’s this version which is smothered in butter and disguised with copious amounts of corn. Butter wins every time.

Bobby Moynihan Snl GIF

Protein Powders: I don’t ingest powders, not through my mouth or my nose, so you might as well add PB2 to the list. I’d rather eat real food, like a handful of almonds or a couple of hard boiled eggs. Speaking of…

Egg Whites: are we really that concerned with 55 calories? Enough already; eat the damn yolk. It’s good for you, and also happens to be the tastiest part. 

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Quest Bars: the very notion my food will improve in taste, after sitting in the sun, on the dashboard of my car for three hours freaks me out. I’ll pass, thanks.

Image result for throw up in mouth gif

Low Cal Ice Cream: why must we take the fun, fat and sweetness out of everything? Can we just let ice cream be exactly what it is: creamy scoops of serendipitous sugar spun joy. Next.

Chia Seeds: ch-ch-ch-chia (I couldn’t resist). I know these guys are nutritional powerhouses, but I find it off putting they turn into a gel like texture when sprayed with liquid? That’s like the worst wet t-shirt contest ever.

Image result for low cal ice cream funny gifs

Two A Days (exercising twice in one day): now you’re just showing off, and unless you plan on walking around smellier than my kid’s diaper genie, that’s an awful lot of showers and laundry in the same day, and last time I checked, water is still a precious resource.

Spaghetti Squash: another trend I want to embrace, but something stops me every time. Oh yeah, the flavor or lack thereof. I’d rather eat yarn. On second thought, maybe that’s why I don’t like it.

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Intermittent Fasting: ya know what sounds like fun? Starving yourself and putting your body into ketosis. Um, that’s a hard no from me.

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All that being said, I could and have licked a container of hummus clean, just as recently as last week actually. Bottom line, you should embrace whatever trend, healthy or not, works for you, unless of course it’s head lice. That shit’s contagious.

The #health #trends I’m soooo over right now. #funny

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What health trends do you dislike and why?

Comments

  1. Laurie says

    Oh, you hit a nerve here! I hate anything labeled “healthy”. Because I know it isn’t. I also hate sugarless anything (Diet sodas, yogurt, etc…..basically anything with artificial sweetener). I also hate low-fat anything. The fat in dairy is good for you. That’s where all the fat-soluble vitamins and other goodies are. And don’t even get me started on beer with “Lite” as its last name!

    I do have to confess that I did a two-a-day yesterday, but it was an accident (long explanation). And, yes, my wash pile is horrendous!
    Laurie recently posted…Trusting the Plan: It’s a Matter of FaithMy Profile

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  3. The Curious Frugal says

    Lol I’d rather eat yarn. Yes to a bunch of these. I’ve tried to do quinoa in so many different ways and you know what? Turns out I just hate quinoa. I like almost every food so it tends to weird me out when I don’t like something but really. There’s no need to force things so much. Lol

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  4. Michael Toth says

    For me, “Fat Free” tops the list. I know it isn’t trendy and hence, not in your list, but it was my first foray into “healthier eating” and I quickly determined Fat Free means put it down and back away slowly.

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  5. Evangeline says

    This is one of the best things I’ve read all month. It made me chuckle and feel validated. I like many “healthy” foods, but all this replacing of normal, delicious foods for subpar things with less calories makes me grumpy.

    Cake-flavored quest bar that “tastes just like the real thing,” give me break.

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  6. Frances says

    Yes! Exactly! I am with you on all of these. The texture of chia seeds just squicks me out and I just can’t. Here’s to real food!

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  7. Alex says

    I can’t help myself…. so if you heavily salt the water before the quinoa and add lemon juice after it gets this nutty delicious quality. But I like red quinoa not regular. And I toss it with grapes, feta, and walnuts with lots of lemon juice and salt. (I know you’re not going to try it, but I had to share. )

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  8. danielle says

    fantabulous!!! i get you. i do happen to like a few items listed but definitely despise health/protein/energy bars. yuck!! franken-food files.
    i recently got my DNA and genetic testing done and the results showed some stuff i was truly surprised over: i have the genetic comp of an elite power athlete. what??? ok well i thnk now i get why i love hardcore-ish athletic-ish stuff 🙂 i love learning about myself. i also happen to be heavier than the average human and i love that because i’m genetically built for power and strength. all my german/swiss/french/asian blood. we sturdy strong folk and must carry the milk we milk, yeah baby.
    i just basically hate all health trends – i mean, you do you. whatever that is. i happen to like kale. and i happen to like veggies. because i actually like them. i happen to think liver tastes like ass and dont’ care how healthy it is.. unless it was going to literally save my life, i can’t do it.
    all meat diets make me sick. and if you shot your own meat then good for you, but i still don’t like it. i’m sure considering my genetic makeup it would do me shit tons of good to eat meat but i just can’t do it right now. something switched and i just can’t. blame trump.
    meanwhile give me all the vegan high calorie desserts and kale!!! goat cheese because cheese. it’s in my dna.

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  9. Hannah says

    I, uh, confess to walking around smelly some days. Though it’s more likely because I hate showering at the gym than because I plan to exercise again…I do at least wipe off the sweat and change clothes. But I also work in a lab, and all anyone can smell in there is latex gloves and various bacterial/algal cultures and probably some chemicals.

    .

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  10. Jen @ Chase the Red Grape says

    I have always promoted ‘real food fuel’ and I stick by that. But that’s not to say I’m a saint!
    Health trends I hate? Everything with stevia in it. It’s still a form of sugar and I find that anything that includes stevia always tastes funky and leaves a funny taste in my mouth. Yuck!
    Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…Week in ReviewMy Profile

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  11. meredith @ cookie chrunicles says

    this is why we are friends! although I do like quinoa when I cook it with lentils, it’s an acquired texture on its own and I wouldn’t eat it in place of oatmeal like other people do. can we add in blending every type of vegetable under the sun into smoothies? or adding cauliflower to oatmeal? I love cauliflower and I love oatmeal but why does my oatmeal need vegetables? don’t I eat enough of them on their own?

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  12. Pat says

    Great post! I’m ok with some of the things you mentioned but the spaghetti squash made me chuckle. I don’t mind spaghetti squash if I want to eat…… squash. But honestly if I want spaghetti, I want spaghetti. The number of spaghetti squash recipes out there amazes me. It doesn’t matter what you put on it, it’s still squash. Oh, and the worst thing about protein powder (which I also don’t use) – all of the baked goods recipes out there that include protein powder! It just seems wrong.

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  13. Cora says

    Chia puddings give me all the grossest heeby jeebies. They look like grey little alien brains. Uuuughhhh I just did it to myself. I can tolerate them if they are dry, or blended so you don’t actually notice them, but otherwise I hear chia pudding and I run. I definitely don’t put them in my overnight oats.

    I’m kind of glad Canada doesn’t have this same “low cal ice cream” thing going on. I’ve never seen, nor tried this “Halo Top.” The whole thing just weirds me out – what the hell are the ingredients?!

    And I love egg yolks. What’s the point of an egg if there’s nothing to dip your toast soldiers in?

    Keep doing your thing, goddess.
    Cora recently posted…Baking, Seeing My Plants Grow, and SUMMER! Things That Really Make Me Happy (Week In Review)My Profile

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  14. Heather says

    Who the frick has time to exercise twice in one day? You have too much free time if you’re able to do that. I’m “guilty” of a few of these, but generally don’t stick with them. My curiosity always gets the best of me, so I HAVE to try it. I have found maybe one protein bar that didn’t taste like an asshole and Halo Top ice cream? Not amazing, but not terrible and I feel less guilty when I accidentally stress eat an entire pint while watching A Handmaid’s Tale. I tried intermittent fasting for a day or two and it wasn’t too bad… I just forgot to keep going with it. Whoops! Also, chia seeds are so weird. I didn’t realize they turned gloopy when I first got them to try out and that was the first and last time I ate chia seeds.
    Heather recently posted…Currently…My Profile

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  15. Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says

    HAHAHA! Evie would be right there with you on the quinoa. She says it’s like eating dirt. I guess I like dirt… and Quest bars… and protein ice cream. I can’t help it! I eat enough unhealthy stuff to make up for it. #chocolatecake

    I will say, I agree on the two a days. I can’t shower that much. I just cannot. Besides, it’s not good for your hair. 😉

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  16. Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar says

    Ha! I really appreciate your post here. I think it’s normal and healthy to dislike foods. And those “fake” substitutes for real foods like Quest bars and Halo “ice cream.” I’m with Cora. What the hey do they put in those things?
    I’ve also found that I don’t much care for spaghetti squash–certainly not when it’s taking the place of pasta! There are actually a few Peas and Crayons spaghetti squash recipes I really like, but I’ve discovered I like them more if I only use half the squash with the same amount of toppings. 😉
    I do actually like quinoa. I think it has a yummy, complex flavor. But I do get that it’s bitter–to each their own!
    Fish. Besides salmon burgers, cheesy tuna and noodles, and the occasional craving for fish tacos, I do *not* like seafood. When I see people on the internet getting all excited for poke bowls and shrimp and whatever else, I’m like, get me out of here!
    Joyce @ The Hungry Caterpillar recently posted…Caterpillar Crawl: May 2018My Profile

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  17. Chelsea A says

    Ooh I like this post. I totally hate protein powders too. I tried a few brands a few years ago to see what all the fuss was about and they were all SO gross. Like whyyy do people ruin their smoothies with them?

    I have to defend spaghetti squash though. I tried a lasagna stuffed spaghetti squash with sausage and a s*** ton of cheese in it, and it was actually delicious.

    Health trends I hate? Umm food with charcoal in it. I seriously don’t get it. Also, butter in coffee (there are 3138389 delicious ways to eat butter, and that’s how people choose to eat it?), the keto diet, sugar free diet, and actually any kind of diet.
    Chelsea A recently posted…Beet Hummus Toast with Figs and Goat CheeseMy Profile

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