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I Must Confess

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It’s been far too long since I’ve aired my dirty laundry.

Aside from our weekly link up party, it’s been decades since I’ve blogged at all and as far as dirty laundry goes….well, let’s just say it’s all over my house.

Actually that’s a bold faced lie. All clothing has been washed, folded and neatly put away, including the bath towels and kitchen napkins. Granted I gave up sleep to do it, a small sacrifice to the OCD gods.   

Oh and three days ago, laundry really was scattered all over my house, and don’t even get me started on the dining room table, which is currently covered in electronics, paperwork, bills, baby gifts, and tumbleweeds of cat fur, not to mention the speckling of dirty paw prints. It’s a good thing I don’t use my table for eating.

Sunday Brunch - Fruit, Pesto Scrambled Eggs, Parmesan Roasted Sweet Potatoes, and Granola Toast B

At least not these days.

As fun as it is to prattle on about the cleanliness of my home, I thought it would be even more appealing to confess to some other recent happenings, Out Loud of course. Thanks for hosting Ms. Amanda.

Thinking-Out-Loud

Let’s begin:

Labor, as in birthing the baby, was surprisingly a piece of cake. In fact, Ave kind of just fell out; no joke. She was already halfway into the world before anyone realized what was going on, myself included (Thank you epidural!). When the on call doctor rushed in, he had to tell me to slow down so he could get his gloves on. Two pushes and thirty seconds later, she was here. My delivery nurse called me a medical marvel and told me to keep my mouth shut since mothers everywhere would hate me. Sorry ladies.

Meg and Ave Post Delivery

(No make up, post labor – not too shabby.)

If it helps, my pregnancy was horrendous. To say I was miserable would be an understatement. Every night, I would beg the Hubby to put me down like Old Yeller (spoiler alert).

The first two weeks after Ave was born were manageable, mainly because I was running on adrenaline, coffee, chocolate, and hormones. The next four were brutal, and I threatened to walk out on my life more times than I can count.

Ave with the Moneky on Your Back

So it’s no small wonder I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, with heavy emphasis on the latter.

I’m on meds now, and they’re helping. That and I’m pushing myself every day to do things which make me a little uncomfortable, like leaving Ave with someone else for a couple of hours. The more I do these things, the easier they will become.

I’m crazy jealous Ave looks like the Hubby. In fact, the only thing she has from me is my long, thin fingers and the dimple in my ass. Look at those sweet and tiny phalanges.

Meg and Ave - Baby Fingers

As for the other thing, you’ll have to take my word for it.

Although, the Hubby says she gets her gas from my side of the family.

He’s probably right.

Hands down, breastfeeding is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Or should I say boobs down.

Breastfeeding Funny - Boob Now

(This is not my baby; the sentiment is the same though.)

Speaking of, I tried my own milk. It was sweet, with a hint of cinnamon and a dash of sea salt. Alright maybe it was just sweet and slightly watery. I’m a foodie, I had to take liberties with the description. At least I didn’t say it was textural perfection.

Two weeks ago, I nursed Ave in a bar. I’m sure it’s not the first time someone’s bouncing Buddha’s were on display there, although it might be the most wholesome rendition. Let’s just say I won’t be making the Girls Gone Wild video anytime soon.   

Breastfeeding Funny - Cows

Since we’re on the topic of soft porn, I watched Fifty Shades of Grey while my in-laws were in the other room. They had no idea, or perhaps I inspired them to have an evening they won’t ever forget. Hey, kinkier things have happened.

I made the Hubby try the Nose Frida on me to ensure it wasn’t painful. Our relationship will never be the same.

Nose Frida

 

I gained 30 pounds during the course of my pregnancy. 

I lost twenty of them almost immediately and haven’t dropped an ounce since. I’m not sweating it, although there is one small problem. None of my summer clothes fit, and sweatpants aside, I’m literally wearing the same two outfits over and over again.

Now you know the real reason I’m up to date on laundry.

I’m sure my lack of weight loss has nothing to do with the fact I sometimes like to eat a little bagel with my cream cheese.

Cream Cheese and Bagel

Or the Taco Bell I consumed two weeks ago. In my defense, I didn’t buy it, and I was very desperate.

Last but not least, I always let my Dad and stepmom do my grocery shopping when they’re in town because they go off list. I don’t hate it.  

Malley's Chocolates, Hot Fudge and Talenti Gelato

Let’s hear from you. Tell me something scandalous. 

Comments

  1. yep, nursing is the hardest thing ever especially the first month! then it gets to be second nature once we realize we are giving ourselves over to someone else’s needs and demands lol. your labor though sounds amazing! gosh I pushed for almost 2 hours. don’t remind me! I found that my jeans and clothes suddenly started fitting at the 4 month mark and then after that, I kept dropping back down to my size that by my son’s first birthday, I was smaller than before. I didn’t use a scale (shocker) but my clothes told all! I am glad you are doing well and had some time to post!
    meredith @ cookie chrunicles recently posted…(TOL) Can’t find my glasses, new lululemon items, what did I forget at TargetMy Profile

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    • They say it took nine months for the weight to come on, so it’ll take nine months for the weight to come off. I’m ok with it, but I don’t want to buy a summer wardrobe for just this year. I’m afraid I’m gonna have to do it though.

      Thank you for all your support and emails. I really appreciate it. It means so much to me.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  2. AH! You’re a superwoman. I’m so glad you got the assistance you need to help you push yourself and quieten your anxiety. There is no reason to live like that if you don’t have to. My mom said that I popped out too. Probably why she calls me the “easy child”. What can I say?
    Your doll baby is very beautiful!

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  3. Kudos to you for trying your milk… and kudus to the hubby for trying the Nose Frida. You two were obviously meant to be together. True love right there.
    Thanks for being a role model as always – giving yourself the same self care you advocate to all of us. I hope the little push of help and continual push of doing uncomfortable things is helping you start to feel like yourself again. Make sure there’s lots of flowers in your days. .
    Cora recently posted…What I Ate Wednesday: What is “Time” Anyways?My Profile

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    • Good advice. I’ll pick up a bouquet the next time I’m at the store, or maybe I’ll snip some of the peonies from my front yard. They’re so beautiful.

      I’m a big believer in practicing what you preach and leading by example.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  4. The postpartum depression was the worst… I knew it was likely, but damn. Glad the meds are working out for you! Ha ha, I love that you made your husband use the Nose Freida on you. It took me forever to get my husband to even use it on the kids… he’s so squeamish about body fluids. Wimp. I couldn’t breastfeed much (my ladies are low producers), but I did manage to angrily squirt my husband across the room when he was being obnoxious in the early weeks. The look of shock on his face was priceless.
    Heather recently posted…Things they say and do…My Profile

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    • There’s a lot of women who have supply issues so I’ve been lucky in that regard. Knocks on wood. 😉

      Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone with the Postpartum depression. I know it’s common and I think it’s good we can openly talk about it.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  5. Thanks for sharing about your PPD and anxiety. I know it’s something a lot of women struggle with but don’t talk about. I don’t have any experience with PPD, obviously, but know a thing or two or a billion about depression and anxiety in general. Having a great support system (and meds…those too) certainly help.

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    • I feel like it’s something we should talk about more: depression, anxiety, mental illnesses. The more we discuss it, the less stigma it will carry.

      Mimosas help. 🙂
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  6. Your story reminds me of mine when I had Jake 16 years ago. Medication saved all our lives back then–I have no doubt. And after each pregnancy I didn’t lose weight until I stopped breastfeeding, and I nursed for 1-2 years depending on the kid. I promise you that this all gets easier and one day you’re going to look back and be like, what was so hard? You won’t even remember. It’s like how our brains protect ourselves from trauma by forgetting the really bad stuff.

    For anyone who hasn’t had a baby, don’t be freaked out. It’s totally worth it but it’s totally hard.

    Love you lots, and I’m glad you’re feeling better! xo
    Suzy recently posted…Vern, Vern, VernMy Profile

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    • It’s actually already getting easier or at least more manageable. We still have rough days (cough, yesterday, cough) but they are becoming fewer and farther between. Seeing her sweet baby smiles definitely helps too. I can’t wait to hear her laugh.

      Oh and last night, she went SEVEN and FOUR hours in between feeds. Talk about a little champ.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  7. I can relate to so much here! My weight loss is also nearly the exact same. And my summer clothes issue is real. I’ll need to go shopping bc I can’t wear jeans all summer in Texas.

    I’m glad you are able to get out and about though! I’ve yet to go to a bar hug I’ve had my share of alcohol. Gotta stay sane somehow!

    Reply

    • Yeah, jeans in Cleveland wouldn’t work right now so I can’t even imagine Texas. I think I’m going hit up a thrift store so I can grab just a few things to get me through the summer.

      Cheers to sanity.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  8. I’m glad to hear that things are getting a bit more manageable for you – I was super worried about you for a while there. And I won’t tell my mom about your easy delivery because I’m pretty sure she was in labour with me for at least 15 hours and I eventually had to be cut out 😕 Also… when are we scheduling that shopping date?!
    Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…this post is all over the place (ToL#186)My Profile

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  9. Holy crap im so glad your labor was spiffy!!! You deserved it. Having a difficult pregnancy is harder to endure. You’re a tough mama. I’m doing hypnotherapy and imagining my baby fall out of my golden rainbow. Easily and effortlessly.
    If I could only get my logical brain to stop laughing, I’d say we’re on to something good.
    The world ain’t ready for all my crackety skeletons in the closet, so I’ll just keep it light. I’ve been wearing my hubby’s boxer briefs for a while. They are comfortable and panties irritate the heck outta my area. It’s not pretty. The hubby even had to inspect the region to confirm nothing was turning green. Yup, we’ve crossed over to another level of familiarity. It’s comfortable I suppose. Speaking of comfort I’m wearing the hubby’s athletic clothes 75% of the time. Bliss.
    As calm as I’ve been trying to be, there have been moments of mania and maniacal behavior. My hubby said I’m scaring him more than once over the last few weeks. Not sure I want to allow myself to think deeply into it. I feel like I’m just hanging on by the seat of my boxer briefs.
    Danielle recently posted…WIR – baby room & catching upMy Profile

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    • I’ve been known to lounge in the Hubby’s boxers these days because I get so damn hot and none of my shorts fit. Besides, they’re super comfy. 🙂

      I am sending you all the good and easy labor mojo. I hope she just falls out. 🙂 I can’t wait to see her and ultimately meet her.
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  12. You ARE a medical marvel, that’s what happens when we take care of ourselves. Or so I hope. I have no doubts in time things will feel smoother for you, shit it took me an entire year to bounce back after my shit hit the fan, granted my situation was no where the same. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’re kicking ass!
    Brittany recently posted…Ira Springs Trail – Mason LakeMy Profile

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    • Thanks Britt. I’m going to keep on taking care of me because then I can take care of her. I’ll manage to sneak the Hubby in there too one day soon. Poor fella. 😉
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  13. Meghan,
    I’m glad you posted–you’re amazing, and you’re setting such a terrific example for you girl by taking care of yourself. Keep doing that.
    And yes, smiles tend to magically appear when you’re really dragging, and give you a boost to get through a few more hours/days.
    Kirsten recently posted…Waffled Carrot and Turnip FrittersMy Profile

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  14. Both of my kids came stupid quick – my first I was admitted to the hospital unknowingly 9.5 centimeters, and my second the nurse literally told me to hold it so that the doctor would have time to come catch him on the way out.
    As for kids looking like you, my oldest is my mini me. My husband likes to say, “I am so shocked by how good you look as a little boy.”
    Nursing is hard. But after while, it gets easy peasy and you’re doing it with one hand and making a sandwich with the other. Plus, you get to make people uncomfortable in public all.the.time. So that’s fun.
    Morgan @ Morgan Manages Mommyhood recently posted…How to Survive Shopping Alone With 2 KidsMy Profile

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  15. My mum broke her tail bone when I came out… She tells everyone how I broke her back…so I’m glad Ave will always have the easy birth story!
    Girl, everything about this is hard. You know I’m not a mother but I look on with awe when I see what you are doing day in and day out. No wonder times are tough, I’m just glad you have an awesome support network. Especially family who buy you ice cream…!
    Something scandalous… But not surprising – now my holiday is over, I miss time with David. Doesn’t help I’m home alone all day, was nice to have company for a while!
    Jen @ Chase the Red Grape recently posted…5 things I have realised in life that it is ok to do – without saying sorry #5TTTMy Profile

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    • Oh my gawd, your poor mother. That must have been horrible. Good thing you were such a wonderful baby though, right?

      My support network has been tremendous. I’m lucky to have them all.

      I can understand about having David around. The Hubby doesn’t work until 3 p.m. today and it’s so nice having him home in the morning. 🙂
      Meghan recently posted…I Must ConfessMy Profile

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  16. Oh, Meg… I love you so very much. My mom had postpartum after my baby sister and she was miserable. She thought hearses were following her everywhere when she drove. I dunno… eventually she did stop seeing them (to my knowledge, at least).

    I bet your boobs were the hottest thing in that bar. Next to your ass dimple. Ave is lucky to have inherited such a trait. BTW – most people think babies look more like their dads. It when they get older that they get cuter like their moms. 😉

    OH! How was the mouthfeel of that breast milk?
    Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted…#NOWGetFit: A NOW Foods Immersion and GIVEAWAY!My Profile

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  17. I second Laura – I looked like Dad as a kid and now I look like Mom and she is much prettier than Dad was 🙂
    Way to go, Momma. And don’t forget, I will be there so soon and mix you drinks, doing groceries, holding Ave so you can do laundry and shower and whatever your heart desires.
    Lucie@FitSwissChick recently posted…The perks of life lately.My Profile

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  18. I struggles with ppd after my son’s birth and after my twins who are almost a year! Something magical happened around the 16 week mark with both — breastfeeding got easier, your milk supply naturally drops a bit so you don’t overproduce anymore, the babies really start interacting and becoming more human and less like milk monsters, sleep was a bit better and I finally started losing the weight that hung on after that initial post delivery loss. So hang in there momma! Four months is a nice hormonal and baby shift that you so deserve!

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  19. Ow. I’m honestly sorry you’re going through the anxiety and post-partum depression though glad the meds are helping. It’s like destiny thought: hey, don’t you think you got an easy birth for nothing. Though your pregnancy should have been enough hardship. I hope things will get better bit by bit. Nevertheless, I feel other new mums will appreciate your openness about the struggles of having children. Clearly not an easy job though I hope you’re getting lots of smiles as rewards. My sister who’s currently visiting says the first time was hard as heck but things do get easier. Bumpy every now and then but easier. The nursing in public, too. I guess I’m more “embarrassed” than her.
    Miss Polkadot recently posted…Good good links #146My Profile

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    • It does get easier or at least more manageable and the smiles absolutely help.

      The Hubby is more embarrassed by the public nursing too, although he gets it so he just kind of covers my shoulder with a blanket. 🙂
      Meghan recently posted…Week in Review: #35My Profile

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  20. Here’s something delightfully wicked & scandalous….. Today I wore sandals…WITHOUT PAINTING MY TOE NAILS!!!
    *gasp*
    I know.
    I’m living on the edge.

    Reply

  21. I love that you always keep it real. Although having Ave is probably one of the best things to happen to you, it makes sense that it’s also difficult (also – hormones). I’m glad the meds have been helping!

    I used to LOVE taco bell as a kid. As a treat, my mom would pick me up their tacos on the way home from work and I would have them cold in my lunch the next day. I loved how they got soggy and the meat congealed overnight. In hindsight they were kind of disgusting haha.
    Chelsea A recently posted…Homemade Hummus with Canned ChickpeasMy Profile

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