If you follow me on Instagram, you know based on the title of today’s post, I’m finally going to talk about the Tough Mudder. If you don’t follow me yet, you really should. For real; you’re missing out. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
My baby brother leading the charge. This whole thing was his idea, which means I blame him for everything.
When I first set out to do the Tough Mudder, I had two goals:
- To finish the damn thing.
- To avoid doing any kind of permanent physical damage.
Perfectly reasonable goals if you ask me, especially when you factor in the simple fact I’m not a runner and my crappy knees will never allow me to be one.
Physical logistics aside, I committed to this race months ago, and I have been training ever since. My training consisted of lots of slow and steady runs with the assistance of knee bands, which eventually allowed me to run pain-free for about four miles.
Also one gloriously hot and humid day, the Hubby and I ran for two and half hours through the Cleveland Metroparks. We went up a shitton of hills, down what seemed like significantly less hills, and we stopped every mile or so to do push ups, dips, and core work. We managed to cover almost nine and half miles in 150 minutes, and I ran just over six of those. I thought I was going to die.
It was my biggest running triumph to date, and I could barely walk the next day. Me and my knees; we’re simply not friends, or at least not when I put them through strenuous physical activity. They almost always get the last word, especially the right one. He’s a vocal son of a bitch.
In addition to running, I started doing a ton of upper body exercises, which is one of my weaker areas, second only to my knees. This consisted of many, many “almost” chin-ups, and by almost, I mean I can lift myself to the point where my eyes are in line with the chin-up bar, although my chin hasn’t actually crossed over yet. Stupid technicality.
In my defense (you knew I’d have one), I went from dangling like a fish mere months ago to being able to pull myself up to almost there and even lower myself back down. Do not dismiss the lower back down portion either; that shit is hard.
I also did countless boy push-ups over the past few months, and I kept up with Mixed Martial Arts and Boot Camp classes because they throw a lot of random shit at you in those sessions, which is perfect Mudder training and completely apt for our course, since they actually threw tennis balls at us in one obstacle. Yes, I had balls flying at me, at the rate of sixty to seventy miles an hour. Guess what? I dodged ’em all because I am sneaky like a ninja.
A week or so before the big event, we got our course map.
That’s me; face down in a pool of muddy water with live electrical wires overhead. Just a typical Saturday afternoon.
I was hoping for a shorter distance with a lot of obstacles to break up those miles. My ideal course would have been ten miles, on perfectly flat and level ground, with twenty-four obstacles along the way. I didn’t get that. In fact, I got the opposite; an eleven and a half mile course with sixteen obstacles, a handful of burn zones and “hazardous” terrain; their words, not mine. If hazardous includes running and sometimes sliding down the side of a mountain, then I would agree with them.
This is just part of the course; the part where you had to fight not to have your shoes suctioned off in the mud.
The Tough Mudder is specifically designed to break you; both physically and mentally.
The Arctic Enema (i.e. an ice bath). When they pulled me out, they also pulled my pants halfway down, so I mooned the crowd. I’ll be honest; I didn’t care. Next time, I’ll be sure to get paid.
If this was only a battle of mental wits, there’d be no contest. In my mind, I can do pretty much anything, including those silly chin-ups. It’s usually my body which struggles to keep up, and I blame the fourteen years of gymnastics, back in the days of my youth.
My goal was to make it two rungs on the monkey bars before dropping into the murky and muddy waters. I surprised myself and made it almost half way there. Turns out, my almost chin-up training worked.
I’d be lying if I said this was easy. I’d be lying if I told you there was no pain involved. I’d also be lying if I told you my legs and arms weren’t covered in bruises, including one the size of a softball on my right thigh.
The Mud Mile. This mud was different from all the rest; it was thick, goopy and gritty. Yes, gritty and I vividly remember mud being in places no mud has gone before.
This course pushed me to my physical limits and beyond. Like clockwork, my right knee started bitching four miles in. I went down, hard, in slippery mud patches more times than I can count, and I took a backwards header on the very first obstacle. Thankfully, my teammates caught me (“Hey y’all: I really appreciate that”).
Walk The Plank; can you say Geronimo? Heights don’t scare me.
The truth is my body post-Mudder is a bit of a hot mess. My legs look like someone went to town on them with baseball bat, and the heels of my feet are covered in open wounds and blisters. When I finally wrenched my shoes off Saturday night, there was mud, rocks, twigs, and god knows what else in there; the same went for my bra.
Everest; I am running as fast as my little legs will carry me after punishing them for 11 miles. By the way, if it looks overcast, it’s because it was. It rained on us almost the entire time.
Sunday night, I could barely move, much less put myself to bed. Come Monday morning, walking was slow and arduous at best and driving was completely out since my knee was about as broken, as broken can be. The Hubby actually had to take me to work and pick me up.
I am almost there. Sadly, this is my one disappointment. Despite three attempts, I never made it to the top of Everest.
Of course, I went to the office on Monday. I had some bragging to do.
Eleven and half miles done and only one obstacle to go. It’s safe to say, we’re excited.
I brought in my orange head band, the one given only to those who finished the race, and casually displayed it on my desk. I also wore a skirt so I could show off my war wounds with pride, even to those who didn’t want to see them. I’m sure HR is going to be calling.
Despite my broken body, I, along with the rest of my team, completed the Buffalo Tough Mudder of 2013. I ran more than my little legs could carry me. I navigated the treacherous terrain, attempted every single obstacle and completed all but two of them. I participated in every burn zone, which involved push-ups, burpees, bear crawls, hay bales, and squats galore.
I may have been physically broken, but mentally, this challenge ain’t got nothing on me. I am all heart, with a side of stubborn. I’m badass, and my team is a bunch of tough mudder fuckers.
If you were to ask me, would I do it again, I’d say, “Hell yes,” because at the end of the day, there is nothing quite like it. The camaraderie, the teamwork, and the adrenaline rush cannot be beat. I couldn’t be more proud of all of us, especially my Da (deliberately misspelled; he is too cool for the last d), who not only completed the course, but led the charge the entire eleven and a half miles.
It seems only right to end this post with our team chant, which was ultimately picked up by all of those participating with us that day.
With every uneven step, through the rolling hills, into the misty mountains, and over the corn fields, you could hear my little brother’s voice call out, “Do we like it?”
To which everybody responded en masse, “WE LOVE IT!”
Have you ever done a Tough Mudder? Would you? You could be on our team next year. Think about it.
Wow…this sounds intense! I always wanted to do a Tough Mudder race, but after reading this I’m reconsidering! Okay, maybe I would do it anyway, but I’m scared! lol
Congrats to your team finishing! I think that’s awesome!
No; you could and should do it. It was a blast.
Nice job!! You should be so proud! That is a great accomplishment :).
Thanks. I gave myself a gold star.
Such a great post! That race looks like it took major willpower to finish. Crazy to think that it was almost a half-marathon in length and included all those obstacles! Way to go!
It was absolutely crazy, but also one of the funnest things I’ve ever done.
Honestly, I have no idea why anyone would choose to do that in the first place, but I can easily see the whole team camaraderie thing, and I’m delighted that you finished. The first photo–are you all done, and walking to get your headbands? You look clean, and yet everyone looks like they are walking and the people heading towards you have headbands.
The very first photo with Vanilla Gorilla was before we started. It was an interesting setup because the starting line was fifty feet away from the finish line. Hence the reason you have people with and without headbands all around.
It was a crazy thing to do, which is probably why it appealed to me. 😉
You crazy… but the good kind of crazy 😉 I would love to participate in a Tough Mudder one day, but to be completely honest, it terrifies me. I’m stubborn as an ass and crazy determined, but I’ve put my body through the wringer over the years and I’m afraid it wouldn’t hold out on me. BUT I’m definitely not throwing the idea in the trash – never know what the future will bring.
I thought the same thing about my body and it actually made it, so think you should sign up and do one. You could join my team next year. 🙂
I’m incredibly surprised by how many pictures you have of yourself in the Tough Mudder! Most of the time people are never able to get shots of themselves. You must have had a great cameraman 🙂
I would have fallen off that first rung no doubt. You are incredible! For both completing the challenge and also remembering enough to tell the tale. 😉
Vanilla Gorilla sounds like a great street name. And you look like a beast running through those gates! It’s just you against the world.
Great recap. You should be so proud!
Thanks sunshine! I’m actually super proud of myself, and I got really lucky because one of my teammates had a waterproof camera she brought with us on the course. It’s the only reason we got so many pictures, which is a great visual reminder of the big day and it meant I could share them with all of you!
Congrats again on the awesome finish, and the cool orange headband to prove it. That looked crazy and exhausting and AWESOME!! If you had that many bruises by the end I can only imagine what my legs would look like (considering I seem to pick up a new bruise every other day from just normal living).
I think it would suck, and my body would hate me after but I would absolutely love to do something like this someday 🙂
It was an incredible experience. I think you should do it someday. Don’t wait too long either.
Hahaha omg the tough mudder is so cool… totally not something I want to do (I have a weird phobia/thing with mud/clay… yeah that’s weird, but whatevs. the obstacles sound fun to me though!) But I love reading about it! My dad just did it and I love the entire idea. Also I love that you wore a skirt to work after hahaha
I think it’s awesome your dad just did one. I hope you went and cheered him on.
I wore a skirt or dress every single day last week; just so I could show off my bruises because that’s not weird.
I loved reading this post! Holy wow, that is an intense race. I, too, have knee problems, and I can’t even imagine running five miles straight, let alone running and obstacle-ing for eleven! It looks like a ton of fun, though, despite all of the pain. Congrats on making it to the finish! I definitely would have worn a skirt to the office, too, and not-so-subtly shown off my war wounds.
Thanks Liv! When I first started training, I couldn’t even make it a mile without pain so practice is definitely key. All the pain aside (which you don’t feel until days later really), it was an incredible experience and I’d do it again anytime.
Omg!!!!!!! This is insane!!!! I looooove races but had never throught of something as horrible/awsome as this. I read your post while showing my 3 And 10 year old your pics And the trailer… Both loved them. Now they want me to do something like this. Gotta give u props, you guys rock!!!!!!!
It’s all about the training, and I agree with your kids; you should do it!
It’s official.. you are one bad a$$ mother f’r 🙂 🙂
Yeah, that’s right! 😉
You KILLED this!! I have seriously held back from this race because it scares the shit out of me!! Anyone that completes this is a hardass and deserves high fives every day!! I LOVED this recap, I loved the honesty and excitement!! You kicked ass and deserve every one of those bruises!
Nooooo; you should totally do this. You were my running motivation so you have to do one. Start training now so you can join my team next year. It’ll be an instant bonding experience.
I bow down to your greatness, oh Vanilla Gorilla! I am not worthy to read such a race recap, but I am honored to have been given the opportunity! 😉
Seriously girl, you are abso-freakin’-lutely AMAZING!! And you have such a way with words…I honestly started to feel like I was there (watching you of course, because I’d totally be curled up in the fetal position and crying after the second obstacle)! I am SO proud of you with your bum knees, almost chin-ups (hell, I can’t even pull myself up an INCH!), and insane level of masochism! And I can’t BELIEVE you made it to work the next day! Brav-O, m’dear! You are definitely one bad ass mudder fucker (and I mean that in the nicest way possible of course! ;))
Why thank you, my dear. This was absolutely one of the coolest and hardest things I’ve ever done, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. You could be on my team next year. I wouldn’t let you curl up in the fetal position; I’d carry you if necessary…which is actually one of the obstacles…carry a teammate. See, it’ll works
My friends asked me if I’d like to do tough mudder this year.
After reading this I said yes. At the finish line I’ll be there with refreshments and a camera.
You are epic.
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I bet you could do a Tough Mudder, and I know you would love it… once you washed all the mud off, of course.
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An odd part of me wants to do this……. but I’m not sure if I could. Like you, I have terrible knees. And one fucked up hand thanks to a rousing time doing burpees almost three years ago. But I love that you did it. You’re so strong and awesome and I’m glad to be your friend.
Also…… Sick way to share it with your coworkers. I love it. 😉
It was such an awesome experience, so worth all the training too. I say do it, give a whirl. What have you got to lose? Just ignore the death waiver they make you sign. 😉